It's been since 1989
that we rapped about Christmas.
That's a lot of tinsel.
But you know when the snow piles high
we get viscious, up to old mischief.
And we know every year that goes by
you all miss us. You're making Christmas wishes
that this'll be the year we come back and have you in stitches.
Hope y'all ready for us bitches!
Xmas Eve snuggled snug in your bunk
Hopin' for the gifts that you thunk
Yo, Santa's real, no myth to debunk
Come Christmas, sure 'nuff he bring the funk
Decked in velvet, fur trim, tubby ol' hunk
He jolly, nimble, chock full of spunk
Egg nog, spiced rum -- not enough to be drunk,
But when he dance, belly jiggles, damn, Santa look crunk!
Homeland Security says Santa is a terrorist.
But we all know that he won't
end up on the no-fly list.
He's got too many places to go,
too many places to be.
Who'll bring toys for tots if he gets Tasered by security?
What's left to do, what's left to say?
What's really left of what was my favourite holiday?
It's just a pile of cash and empty calories
And it don't even include the *@%#in'* batteries.
Bribe with cookies, fav: chocolate chunk
Glass of cold milk, Santa, give a dunk!
Creating the good s@#t, hustler, no junk.
Fill stockings, Parker Bros. Kerplunk!
Year 'round to go act like no punk,
Santa sees all when you're like a skunk
Behave, don't let Christmas end up sunk,
Be good, your Christmas won't get shrunk!
I'm MCJ, I should be rappin' 'bout Jesus
But instead I'm preachin' that it's presents that please us.
That way we're happy if it ain't even a white Christmas
Forget the weather 'cause it's none of my business
No point in pouting now and acting like a princess.
You know you're family's what matters, no contest.
Well believe what you want
But let's try to have a merry Christmas
I hope you get what you want and
I hope you don't need for much.