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It's Mert Flerb, the guy who rates every single movie for Time Warner Cable's channel guide!
Published January 15, 2014 32k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring - Bryan Safi
Writer - David Phillips
Director - Danny Jelinek
Producer - Jason Carden
DP - Brian Lane
Hair/Make-up - Jessica Leigh Schwartz
Props - Candy Lopez
Editor - Caleb Swyers
PA - Cole McFarlane
Sound - Sound Mixer Bo Sundberg for BoTown Sound
691 Funny Votes
295 Die Votes
31,940 Views
Published January 15, 2014

HI, I'M MERT FLERB.
THE GUY BEHIND THE 4 STAR RATING SYSTEM
AT TIME WARNER'S CABLE CHANNEL GUIDE.
I GIVE THE MOVIE, 1, 2, 3, OR 4 STARS, AND UMM,
THAT'S THAT.
FOR DIFFERENT KINDS OF MOVIES,
IT'S SO EASY.
TAKE DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON'S
DISNEY SPECTACLE, RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN, AND
QUENTIN TARANTINO'S OSCAR WINNER, PULP FICTION.
AT FIRST GLANCE, YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE ANY OBVIOUS SIMILARITIES,
BUT DID YOU KNOW, THAT I GAVE BOTH OF THESE MOVIES 3 OUT OF 4 STARS?
THAT IS TRUE.
THAT IS 100% TRUE.
HEY MERT, TELL US MORE.
OKAY...
DO YOU REMEMBER WATCHING AMERICAN PIE, AND
THINKING, TO YOURSELF,
WOW AMERICAN PIE, I HAVEN'T SEEN A MOVIE LIKE YOU
SINCE THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION.
ME TOO!
I KNOW, BECAUSE I GAVE THEM BOTH 3 STARS.
WAIT A SEC...
MERT, MERT FLERB?
THE GUY WHO GAVE DEAR JOHN, AND LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP
OF THE RINGS, BOTH 3 STARS?
YEP, I DID IT.
AND I DO DECLARE, I GOT MORE.
GONE WITH THE WIND, GOOD FELLAS, AND
DAREDEVIL, SAME MOVIE, BOTH 3 STARS.
USUAL SUSPECTS, AND NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM, 3 STARS, ALL AROUND.
NIGHT OF THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN, 3 STARS.
FIGHT CLUB, 2 STARS.
THAT ONE MAKES SENSE BECAUSE THE NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM FRANCHISE,
IS EXACTLY ONE STAR BETTER THAN FIGHT CLUB.
HOLD THE PHONE MERT.
FIGHT CLUB?
I'M DRAWING A BLANK.
OH MERT, MERT, MERT, MERT...
FLERB.
WHAT IS YOUR METHOD?
HOW DO YOU DECIDE THIS?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT OTHER CRITICS...
FLERB!
IF ALL THESE MOVIES GETS 3 STARS,
WHAT GETS 4 STARS?
WELL MAMA ALWAYS TOLD ME,
LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF MOVIES.
SOME GET 3 STARS, AND SOME GET 2 STARS.
FORREST GUMP IS A 4 STAR MOVIE, AND
DIRECTED BY STEVEN SPEILBERG.
STEVEN SPEILBERG DIRECTED FORREST GUMP.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE NEVER COME UP TO ME ALL THE TIME AND ASK,
MERT, DO YOU EVEN WATCH MOVIES?
AND IF SO, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THEM AT ALL?
NO.
BUT MERT...
WHUP?
HOW DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A MOVIE REVIEWER,
IF YOU DON'T EVEN WATCH MOVIES?
LISTEN, I'M OUT OF TIME, BUT I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
AND I'LL SEE YOU, AT THE TV.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
SOMEBODY WITH TIME WARNER CABLE, GO HOME, AND
LOOK AT THIS THING!

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