- April 13, 2015
- 340k Views
Starring - Jonathan Van Ness
Featuring - Dave Holmes
Director - Erin Gibson
Producers - Matt Mazany and Ross Buran
Writers - Erin Gibson, Jonny Mais, Mark Rennie, Matt Mazany
Editor - John Ford
Director of Photography - Cristina Dunlap
Gaffer - Matt Sweeney
Production Designer - Flower Cole
Make Up and Hair - Emily Rae
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
Assistant Editor and Graphics - AJ Berna
April 13, 2015
Jonathan Van Ness: Dave, I like just cut your hair 3 days ago.
Do you hate it or something?
Dave Holmes: No, I just saw the Game of Thrones season premiere last night,
and I have to discuss it with you.
> So much happened, I cannot wait.
Oh my God, so at the beginning of the episode we had Tegan and Sara taking
a little stroll through the woods to find the fortune teller Amy Winehouse.
> Right, and then the blond one is like...
> You're amazing. You don't know what I have.
> Then you have fortune teller Amy Winehouse take a little sippy-sip
of baby Cersei's blood, and she's all like, "You're going to be a queen, and
then you're going to be replaced by a younger, hotter queen."
> The gay circle of life.
> So then Munch-munch as April's Birchbox arrival.
> Oh, he is sample sized.
> She was more pissed off than my cat in a pet taxi on a cross country trip.
> Do you know what it's like to stuff your shit through one of those air holes?
> So then John Snow is giving Baby Tom Hanks some shanking lessons, and evil Stevie
Nicks comes and puts him on a Hyatt Regency elevator up to the top to
meet between jobs Jason Statham who's going to try and convince the wildlings
to fight for him.
> So then not so racially ambiguous Vin Diesel goes in to get this topless TLC
platonic love sesh from this prosty at a brothel, and then he got Gone Girl'd by
the Mardi Gras section at Party City. Oh my gosh, and season 5 Game of Thrones
is giving me the most soft core, like gay love making...
> Can you imagine being a 14 year-old gay boy right now?
> Like when I was in my teens, like all I had was like a Bowflex commercial...
> I had the AIDS TV movie with Aidan Quinn.
> I would go to this department store, and make my mom by me undies so that
I could save the pictures of the underwear model...
> You know what really did it for me was from the volleyball scene from Top Gun.
I am gay because of the volleyball scene from Top gun.
> What is that?
> (stammering) W-What...Get...
And the song is called playing with the boys.
("Playing with the Boys" from Kenny Loggins plays)
So then we have Dr. Evil, and
he was totally Elizabeth Shue'ing Munch-munch, meanwhile all Munch-munch wants
to do is leave Las Vegas.
> Yeah, and Dr. Evil is talking about who the perfect leader would be, and
then Munch says, "Where are we going to find him?", and Dr. Evil says,
> Who said anything about him?
> So you know what that means? It's like an illusion to...
> Very much Christina Aguilera.
> I was going to say Elizabeth Warren, but you're right.
> You're so political. So then Christina goes down to visit her dragons, and make
those bitches bow down, but they don't bow down.
She's got to run up out of that dragon dungeon faster than I run away from those
people asking me to sign a petition about gay rights outside of Whole Foods.
> Do I have a minute for gay rights? No, I have a life time for gay rights.
> I am the gay right.
> Then we had Jon Snow have a little baby meeting with stoic Fred Willard,
and he's like I'm Miranda, you're Carey, that's Paris, that's the Russian, don't go.
> I think you're making a terrible mistake.
> And he was like I would rather burn than bow to another man,
and he does, he burns up, he burns up for your love, goblings.
("Burning up" from Madonna plays)
> But before things get really headed Jon Snow goes full catness, right in the heart.
> He's the consummate gentleman.
Even though you totally didn't need a haircut today, because I just did it,
you're certainly lorus realness, okay.
> Where are...
> My dragons.