Billy Eichner: Hey guys, it's Billy
Eichner from Billy on the Street.
Billy Eichner: I'm here in a grocery
store in Washington, D.C. ready to play
Billy Eichner: My new favorite game
Ariana Grande or Eating a Carrot.
Billy Eichner: Let's play.
Billy Eichner: Hey guys, it's Billy from Billy on the street,
and I'm here in a grocery store
Billy Eichner: In Washington, D.C. ready to play one of
my new favorite games, and we have
Billy Eichner: some incredible, truly incredible
Billy Eichner: My first contestant, it is beyond
my wildest dreams truly, that she would
Billy Eichner: be a contestant on my show. Please welcome for
the first time on Billy on the Street
Billy Eichner: the First Lady of the United States
of America, Michelle Obama.
Billy Eichner: How are you Mrs. Obama?
Michelle Obama: I'm great Billy.
Billy Eichner: Are you doing well?
Michelle Obama: Yeah, I'm doing great.
Billy Eichner: Okay, me too. Now there's so much I can ask
you, but I'm a pop culture
Billy Eichner: guy as you know, and I'm just wondering,
you know, you come home from
Billy Eichner: a long day, you and your husband have
such busy lives to the say the least...
Michelle Obama: It's really busy.
Billy Eichner: It's very busy right. he's the leader
of the free world, you're the first lady.
Billy Eichner: Now have you ever come home...are
there any TV shows that you guys like to watch
Billy Eichner: together, like, does he ever come
home and you say, oh good you're here,
Billy Eichner: I just DVR'd hot in Cleveland?
Anything like that?
Michelle Obama: There are some shows like that. A lot of
Sportscenter going on in our house.
- Billy: Oh, wow, ESPN.
- Michelle: If I want to talk
Michelle Obama: to him I gotta know a little bit
about football so--
Billy Eichner: Oh, I got it.
Michelle Obama: --basketball or whatever it is.
Billy Eichner: Remember that movie Hoosiers with Gean Hackman?
Michelle: Uh, sort of.
Billy: Come out of retirement!
Billy Eichner: He was such a good actor.
Michelle Obama: He's a great actor...
Billy Eichner: Okay First Lady, now it's time to
introduce to you our other contestant,
Billy Eichner: today. Again it's hard to top Mrs. Obama
but he is a showbiz legend, please welcome,
Billy Eichner: here to face off against Mrs. Obama
in our game, our other contestant
Billy Eichner: the legendary Big Bird. how are you
Big Bird: Well I'm great. It's so great to be here
Billy in a supermarket. It's wonderful.
Billy Eichner: Yes, I love a grocery store, don't you?
Big Bird: I do. This is much bigger than Mr. Hooper's
store (he giggles).
Billy: That's true.
Big Bird: Yeah.
Billy Eichner: Anyway, Big Bird you are huge. I'm
not used to having to look up at people,
Billy Eichner: because I'm very tall. You're like
Jane Lynch. You're enormous.
Big Bird: I-I am a Big Bird.
Billy Eichner: Okay, we are here for a very important
reason. As we all know other than
Billy Eichner: texting funny gifs one of the First
Lady's priorities has been to raise
Billy Eichner: awareness of healthy eating and
exercise for young kids and parents alike.
Billy Eichner: So Mrs. Obama if you can, tell us,
what is eat brighter about?
Michelle Obama: We've got the Sesame Street friends,
like Big Bird teaming up with the produce
Michelle Obama: industry to try and help make eating
fruits and vegetables fun and exciting for
Michelle Obama: kids and their parents.
- Billy: I love vegetables.
- Michelle: Me too.
Billy Eichner: We're bribing kids to eat fruit.
Michelle Obama: With Big Bird. It's good for them.
Billy Eichner: It is very good for them, and now it's
time to introduce to you
Billy Eichner: Our other contestant today. One of
our fan favorites from Billy on the Street.
Billy Eichner: I once ambushed her on the streets
of New York and now we've brought her back to the
Billy Eichner: show a number of times, but here's
the thing. She has absolutely no idea, I swear
Billy Eichner: that she is about to meet the First
Lady and Big Bird...did I just poke you
Billy Eichner: in the hand or something?
Michelle Obama: It's okay, but watch it, you could get shot.
Billy Eichner: Oh okay, oh my God. This is so much fun.
Billy Eichner: Fruits and vegetables, I could die at any moment.
Billy Eichner: So here she I please welcome, again,
she has no idea she's about to meet the
Billy Eichner: First Lady or Big Bird, she's in a blindfold.
Billy Eichner: Please welcome our next contestant Elena.
Billy Eichner: Okay, here we go Elena. Come in Elena,
I'm right here, take my hand, there we go.
(Elena is talking off mic)
- Billy: What was that?
Elena: I don't trust you to lead me down the right path.
Billy Eichner: Elena this is a very exciting day.
Now do you know what's about to happen?
Billy Eichner: Okay, do you know who you're going to compete against?
Billy Eichner: Okay, here we go Elena...first of all how are you?
Elena: Fine thanks. How are you now that you're Mr. Hollywood?
Billy Eichner: I'm not Mr. Hollywood. This is not
the time...I heard you got a computer though
Billy Eichner: for the first time.
Elena: No, it's an iPad.
Billy Eichner: Oh, excuse me fancy pants.
Elena: What? (she giggles)
Billy: You can carry
Billy Eichner: that everywhere can't you Elena?
Elena: Yes, but I don't.
Billy Eichner: Okay perfect. Okay, Elena on the count
of 3 I want you to remove your blindfold,
Billy Eichner: and meet your competitors. 1, 2, 3.
Billy Eichner: Elena please meet the first lady of
the united states Michelle Obama.
- Michelle: Hello Elena how are you?
- Elena It's nice to meet you.
Billy Eichner: Michelle Obama Elena.
Elena: No it isn't.
- Billy: This is Michelle Obama.
- Michelle: You're not Elena?
- Elena: I'm Elena but you're--
- Michelle: I'm Michelle Obama.
Elena: I'm going to faint, I-I just can't believe...
this is the best day of my life.
Billy Eichner: Oh that's so nice. please don't faint.
I do a segment on healthy eating, Elena dies.
Elena: No, I have high blood pressure.
Billy Eichner: Okay, perfect, wonderful. Eat a vegetable.
Elena: You're not like an actress that's being Michelle Obama?
Billy Eichner: No, this is the actual First Lady. Don't
embarrass me here.
- Elena: Really, Billy?
- Billy: Yes, Elena.
Michelle Obama: I know it seems kind of strange.
Billy Eichner: Look we don't have much time. We're
about to play a game here.
Billy Eichner: Elena, take your buzzer. there we go.
Billy Eichner: Big Bird you already have your buzzer.
Elena: I can't believe this.
Billy: It's happening.
Elena: I love Michelle Obama. remember I told you I love
her more than anyone?
Billy Eichner: Yes, I know, that's why we brought you here.
Elena: You said she'd be thrilled.
Billy Eichner: Yes, and she is thrilled.
Elena: I am thrilled.
Michelle Obama: You would've never thought that you
would meet me in a grocery store with Big Bird.
Elena: No. I've never even been in a super marker for about ten years.
Billy Eichner: Okay, here we go. Now listen up guys.
Billy Eichner: Here's how the game is going to work.
I'm going to ask you a series of questions
Billy Eichner: all about healthy eating and exercise.
If you get a question right you get a point.
Billy Eichner: You understand?
Michelle Obama: Okay.
Billy Eichner: Do you understand Big Bird?
Big Bird: I got it.
- Billy: Understand Elena?
- Elena: Yes.
Billy Eichner: Okay, here we go.
Billy Eichner: Which is better, Ariana Grande, or
eating a carrot at a--
Billy Eichner: We didn't start!
(he sighs loudly)
- Elena: Okay.
- Billy: Okay.
Billy Eichner: And away we go. Which is better,
Ariana Grande, or eating a carrot?
Billy Eichner: Flotus.
Michelle Obama: Eating a carrot.
Billy Eichner: Yes, correct. Flotus gets the point.
Billy Eichner: Next question. Gwyneth Paltrow makes
a fantastic broccoli and arugula soup.
Billy Eichner: Does that matter, yes or no?
Billy Eichner: Elena?
Billy Eichner: Yes it does. She has a website.
Billy Eichner: Who's more deserving of a Kennedy
center honor Martin Short or a box of frozen corn?
Billy Eichner: Uh, Flotus.
- Michelle: The corn.
- Billy: No, Martin Short.
He's a genius. He played Ed Grimley. Right Elena?
Elena: He is funny.
Billy Eichner: He is funny. Even Elena likes him.
- Michelle: I like corn.
- Billy: Corn is delicious.
- Elena: Canada.
- Billy: What?
Elena: I think he's from Canada.
Billy Eichner: He is. What does that have to do
Elena: I don't know.
Billy Eichner: Next question. Did you guys know
that Ted Danson is on CSI?
Billy Eichner: Elena.
- Elena: No.
- Billy: Yes, correct.
Billy Eichner: One more question. Who just signed
on to start headlining a show in Las Vegas,
Billy Eichner: One Direction, Mariah Carey, or an
occasional potato chip?
Billy Eichner: Who is it?
- Billy: Elena?
- Elena: Mariah Carey.
Billy Eichner: Yes, yes, Mariah Carey. Elena gets
a point. Thank you Elena.
Elena: I like One Direction though. They're so cute.
Billy Eichner: Yes, they're adorable.
Elena: They are cute. I'm sorry, they're a little young--
- Billy: Yeah, I would say.
- Elena: But they are cute.
Michelle Obama: They are very cute.
Elena: And I wish they didn't have tattoos.
Billy Eichner: Ok here's how this is going to work.
This is the bonus Flotus round.
Billy Eichner: You're just here for emotional support.
- Elena: Oh.
- Billy: Okay, so this is how the
Billy Eichner: bonus Flotus round is going to work.
I'm going to give you a series of quick
Billy Eichner: questions and physical challenges.
For every one you get right, you get a dollar,
Billy Eichner: and if you get enough right you win
another huge prize. You ready Flotus?
Michelle Obama: I'm ready!
Billy Eichner: Ok, Elena how are you?
Elena: Fine thanks.
Billy Eichner: And away, we, go. for a dollar be
honest, who's hotter Abraham Lincoln
Billy Eichner: or Barack Obama?
- Michelle: Oh, Barack Obama.
- Billy: Sorry, it's Abraham Lincoln.
Billy Eichner: It all goes by my opinion. By the way
you're very offensive to Mary Todd.
Billy Eichner: Next question. Slow dance with Big Bird
while I sing "I don't want to miss a thing".
Billy Eichner: Just right here, here we go. Ready you guys?
Billy Eichner: (he sings)
I don't wanna close my eyes
Billy Eichner: I don't wanna fall asleep
Billy Eichner: 'cause I'd miss you baby
Billy Eichner: and I don't wanna miss a thing
Billy Eichner: and even when I dream of you
Billy Eichner: the sweetest dream would never do
Billy Eichner: I'd still miss you baby
Billy Eichner: and I don't wanna miss a thing
Billy Eichner: Okay perfect. There you go. Perfect.
Did you like that Elena?
Elena: Sort of.
Billy Eichner: Next question. Here we go. For a
dollar do you like the idea of an all
Billy Eichner: female Ghostbusters?
- Michelle: Sure.
- Billy: Yes, yes, correct. you win.
Billy Eichner: Next question. For a dollar, I'm
going to put 10 seconds on the clock...
Billy Eichner: Hide! Go and hide anywhere.
Billy Eichner: Really hide.
Billy Eichner: Hide, oh right behind Big Bird.
Okay, that'll work.
Billy Eichner: Well I can still see you. hide
Billy Eichner: Hide somewhere else. Anywhere, anywhere.
Billy Eichner: Anywhere yes. Yes-yes-go, yeah
behind there, behind there.
Billy Eichner: Yes, yes, hiding, hiding. She's hiding.
Okay yes, come out.
Billy Eichner: Come out. You won. You got the dollar.
Come back. Come back, Flotus.
Billy Eichner: Here we go. Come back, Flotus.
Okay, here we go.
Billy Eichner: That's my favorite movie, come
Billy Eichner: Okay, here we go. Okay next, for a
dollar look into the camera and say I am Groot.
Billy Eichner: It's from Guardians of the Galaxy.
Michelle Obama: I am Groot.
Billy Eichner: Yes correct, yes correct. A few more
questions - here we go.
Billy Eichner: Bonus Flotus, here go, okay.
Billy Eichner: Next question. Name the 4 main
characters from the Facts of Life.
Billy Eichner: Can you do that?
Michelle Obama: Trudy.
Billy Eichner: Not trudy, but...
Big Bird: Tootie.
- Big Bird: Tootie.
- Billy: Tootie, yes. yes, Tootie. Big Bird loves Tootie.
Michelle Obama: Uh, who is Mrs. Garret.
Billy Eichner: Mrs. Garret, yes.
- Michelle: And uh, oh gosh--
- Billy: Can you give me one more?
- Big Bird: Was it Joe?
Billy: Joe, yes!
Billy Eichner: That's right Big Bird.
Billy Eichner: Alright fine I'll give it to you. It's not Blair but that's ok.
Elena: What is the Facts of Life?
- Billy: It was a sitcom.
- Elena: Oh.
Billy Eichner: Nancy McKeon. What was that Big Bird?
Big Bird: I said you take the good, you take the bad.
Billy Eichner: Take it all, and there you have it.
The Facts of Life.
Billy Eichner: Next question. For a dollar, we're
on the move now,
Billy Eichner: for a dollar, you're going to push
me around in a shopping cart while
Billy Eichner: I read Gwyneth Paltrow's Oscar
acceptance speech for Shakespeare in Love.
Billy Eichner: Lets go. Elena you stay here.
Big Bird you stay here. Here we go, Flotus,
Billy Eichner: follow me.
Billy Eichner: Follow me Flotus.
Billy Eichner: Flotus follow me. You almost tripped.
Billy Eichner: Okay Flotus, hold on, let me get in the cart.
Billy Eichner: Let me get in the cart.
Billy Eichner: This must be the highlight of your career Flotus.
Michelle Obama: This is it.
Billy Eichner: Ok, here we go, hold on, you're going to push me while I read Gwyneth Paltrow's acceptance speech.
Billy Eichner: And away, we, go.
Billy Eichner: I would like to thank the academy from the bottom of my heart.
Billy Eichner: I would like to thank our miraculous cast and crew.
Billy Eichner: I would like to thank Donna Gigliotti and David Parfitt--
Billy Eichner: Stop, stop, stop...Stop, I didn't
even get to thank her earthly guardian angel, Mary Wigmore.
Billy Eichner: No stop, stop, stop...
Billy Eichner: Okay, that's good.
Billy Eichner: She did great Elena.
Elena: I knew it, but you were in the cart?
Billy Eichner: Okay, final question, for a dollar,
give me a hug in a knowing look that tells
Billy Eichner: me it's all going to be okay.
Billy Eichner: Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.
Billy Eichner: Flotus wins!
Billy Eichner: Flotus wins the game!
Billy Eichner: Sorry Elena, let's see her prize.
Oh it's a huge picture of Ariana Grande's pony tail.
Billy Eichner: Look at that, that's so beautiful.
She's very talented.
Billy Eichner: Oh yes she is.
- Billy: She can really sing.
- Michelle: She can, and
Michelle Obama: that pony tail is pretty nice.
Billy Eichner: Yes that is a gorgeous pony tail. Would you like that pony tail?
Elena: It's fake.
Billy Eichner: Okay, great. Alright, well thank
you very much. Thank you for being here. alright,
Billy Eichner: That's Ariana Grande or Eating a Carrot.
Billy Eichner: That's Billy on the Street. We'll
see you soon. Bye guys!
Big Bird and Michelle: Bye!
Billy Eichner: Eat brighter.
Michelle Obama: Eat your vegetables.
Elena: Well you can eat lots of other stuff too.
Billy Eichner: Okay, great, thank you.
(thunder is heard)
Billy Eichner: Ok guys, it's Billy, now I'm here
with Big Bird in New York City.
Billy Eichner: I'm out here in a coat, he's wearing
a tie, because we're about to talk to people
Billy Eichner: about healthy eating. You ready Big Bird?
Big Bird: I'm ready Billy.
Billy Eichner: Lets do it Big Bird. Let's go.
Big Bird: Lets go.
Billy Eichner: Miss for a dollar is Stara Burch
the name of a bird?
Lady: I don't think so.
Billy Eichner: Correct, there you go. Do you eat vegetables?
- Duh, yeah.
- Billy: Okay.
- Lady: What's up?
- Billy: Nothing.
Lady: You can't stand there with Big Bird behind you and not let me hug Big Bird.
Billy Eichner: I can do whatever I want, you're
not touching the bird.
Billy Eichner: Miss-Miss, do you eat fruit?
- Lady: Yes, I do.
- Billy: What kind of fruit do you eat?
- Lady: Fruity Loops.
- Billy: That's not a fruit, that's cereal.
Billy Eichner: What if it's an avocado that looks
like Emily Blunt? Huh?
Lady: I don't know what to tell you--
Billy Eichner: Oh, come on. sir, Does an Apple
TV count as a fruit?
Billy: Yes-yes, take it. thank you.
Billy Eichner: Lets go Big Bird.
- Billy: Lets go Big Bird!
- Big Bird: I'm coming Billy.
- Billy: Lets go Big Bird!
- Big Bird: You're very fast.
Billy Eichner: Miss, would your child prefer the
strawberries with Elmo or the
Billy Eichner: strawberries J.K. Simmons.
Billy Eichner: Yes, thank you. Miss, which one
would a child prefer, the blackberries with
Billy Eichner: Ernie's face on it or the blackberries
with Laura Dern?
- Lady: Ernie.
- Billy: Yes. Lets go Big Bird.
Billy Eichner: Sir, for a carrot are you giving the
Jonas credit where credit is due?
Man: (laughs) Yes, all the time.
Billy Eichner: Yes, there you go, take your carrot.
Yes, he won a carrot Big Bird.
Big Bird: Oh that's exciting.
Billy Eichner: Yes. sir, what are you eating?
Man: Eggs and bacon.
Billy Eichner: Noo!
Billy Eichner: Sir, for a dollar do you think
Big Bird has seen Birdman?
Man: Um, he looks pretty intelligent, maybe.
Billy Eichner: No he hasn't. He's a child.
- Big Bird: Yeah, I'm six years old.
- Billy: You think Big Bird
cares that Edward
Billy Eichner: Norton is having a moment?