Franken and Letterman learn that Letterman’s prodigious beard is actually a powerful weapon in the struggle to control carbon emissions.

Transcript

This is also me--
[crosstalk] Look at what a kid you are here.
That's even younger,
and I am doing a USO show.
And this is at Abu Ghraib, believe it or not,
but it was a year after the scandal, and--
What a kid, look at what a kid you are in that picture.
I went with the Sergeant Major of the Army, I went on his tour
and the Commander of the base, he actually said,
"Let's give a warm Abu Ghraib welcome
to the Sergeant Major of the Army."
And I went,
"OK..."
[laughter]
[music]
I remember, maybe you were like this up in Minnesota,
for most of my life at home
it was a coal-fired furnace.
Oh yeah.
And the coal truck would come,
and dump it down the coal shoot into our coal bin,
and my dad would go down there and just shovel,
you know,
like it was a Bessemer converter or something.
Well, Indiana is a coal--
It was a coal -- big strip mines.
Both my grandparents worked as strip miners
in Southeastern--Southwestern Indiana.
That's why it's a political issue in Indiana a little bit.
[crosstalk] It is a political issue, and understandably.
Those jobs that are supposedly coming back,
are not really--don't really amount to much.
They don't.
There's going to be more jobs,
there are more jobs currently in alternative energy
than there are going to be in coal.
Than there are IN coal.
In coal. Yeah.
The thing that has killed coal
is not, you know, climate people.
It is natural gas.
Yes.
And automation.
And so, no matter what Trump says,
we're not going to get these coal jobs back.
We need to embrace the future,
because China is going to be spending
an enormous amount of money on renewable energies,
dwarfing us many, many times-fold.
And I want Minnesotans,
and maybe Indiana, but mainly Minnesotans,
to be the ones selling them
the technology.
The United States, God bless us,
burned all the coal it needed
to come out of the, uh...
Industrial Age.
Yes, the Industrial Revolution.
India now is in a similar position,
the difference, maybe, they don't have any oil.
They have coal.
And it's lousy coal.
I think it's igneous.
I may have just made that up.
But they have lousy coal.
And the United States will say,
"Wait a minute, you can't, you're going to pollute..."
And China -- or India says, "Well, yeah, but you guys
did it already. Why can't we do it?"
I need my smartphone so I can look up "igneous."
You're calling me out on igneous?
Okay.
How do you spell igneous?
"I"
"G"
...neeous...
N? ...OK.
It's the worst kind of coal you can be burning,
it's filthy as it comes.
No, igneous is volcanic.
What's it say, Al?
No, you're wrong.
You made it up.
That's alright. I said I might have.
How much, how often did you do that on your show?
Make stuff up.
Well, toward the end, every day.
[laughter]
So, you were more precise
during the early years of the show?
No honestly, I just, two things that I really liked:
I loved the music,
and for some reason, and I'm not embarrassed by this,
I enjoyed having makeup applied.
Oh, yeah.
[music]
Dr. Blaise Sheridan here on my staff
He's going to take a little clipping
of your beard.
Is he a doctor or a barber?
Will there be any disrobing required?
No.

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