Yew ever herd a word 'You cant keepa good bich down?' Yeah Ima guessin... more »
Yew ever herd a word 'You cant keepa good bich down?' Yeah Ima guessin whoever done cum in an shot me aint think to lern that wun. Lucky theys a mettle plate over my ticker frum when I's in the furss Gulf Oil War. Still, nunyall biches call 911 ar nuthin so yall fuck off far that. Still, reckun Lord let me live so I could brang more trooths to the wurl. Amens mutherfuckers.
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I bet y'all been wonderin' where the fuck I been.
Lemme remind you.
Well, when we last left off…
Previously on How I Seize It...
I had a suspicion it was you.
We gonna solve that little mystery laters.
But first, let's get back to basics.
I...am the unkillable, unfathomable,
Queen Bitch of the trailer park.
I am Loretta Jenkins
and we just need to get down to business
because I have got a lot of pent up anger
inside of me that I need to release on y'all
like a bunch of frogs and birds
fallin' from the sky!
This...is How I Seize It, mother fuckers!
I think I ate too many of these pills.
I got pains, but I do know my thinkin' is clearly.
Now I know y'all been feigning
for more of the gospel of Lo,
so we just gonna go back to square one
and deal with this hot mess of a political issue
which is very timely considerin' what happened
the last time the cameras was rollin'.
Today, we gonna be discussin' gun control.
Alright, now one sides of the arguments is screamin',
"We gots rights to shoot bears in the arms!"
"Don’t take our guns away!"
Now, I don't rightly see what's so sportin'
about shootin' bears in the arms.
I mean, it seem rightly cruel to me.
I mean at least do the humanitarian Christian thing
and shoot them in the head
or the heart with a kill shot.
Don't shoot them in the arm.
That's just mean.
And I know mean.
Now the way I look at it we got
this thing called a Constitution,
and it's got all these little condiments
added for all this extra shit
and the gun folks say they protected
by the 2nd Commandment.
Well, what comes before that?
That's the 1st Amendment,
and that is the freedoms to life, liberty
and happiness that we ain't gotta go to church.
And I can take another pain pill if I want to.
So all us that want to live, have life A.K.A.,
then we are protected by the 1st Amendment
from all y'all 2nd Amendment mother fuckers
who wants to shoots people!
It's like rock, paper, scissors.
I mean just cause I talk Southern,
folks think that I got like a gun rack in a truck.
That's just stereotypical.
That's like sayin' our President likes chicken watermelon,
or Ornamental chicks can't drive worth a shit.
Well, that is probably rightly so,
but that ain't my point, y'all!
Now first off, we don't need to hunt animals no more
cause we got fuckin' grocery stores, for godsakes.
Uncivilized mother fuckers.
I mean it ain't really sportin' unless
you givin' the animals sports guns too.
Hell, I think I'm gonna die and come back as a
doe-a-deer-a-female-deer and come back
and shoot me up some big fat ass,
camouflage-wearin' inbred mother fuckers.
(hums Theme to Deliverance)
We need to rid the world of guns
and just defend ourselves with some mixed martial arts.
Yeah, you sumbitches!
You watch me go all
Jean Claude Van Damme on y'alls asses.
We gonna find my killers, y'all.
And that's a promise.
Now that's How I Seize It.