Interviewer : They say being in a band helps get girls. Have you found that to be true?
Rush : No, not especially. But I can’t say that’s a big deal for us. I mean, do we want a girl who’s just starstruck with our stage persona, or do we want someone with whom there’s a deeper emotional connection?
Kevin : We say the latter.
Interviewer : So you guys aren’t the groupie-of-the-night types?
Kevin : People think all musicians want are a bunch of hot skanky bimbo groupies.
Rush : That’s not all we want.
Kevin : Obviously if a woman’s interested in music or musicians, that’s great. But there’s more to a relationship than messin’ around after the show.
Rush : Hey, we like messin’ around after the show as much as the next guys. But if she wants to take in an art film or partake of fine cuisine, we want her to know we can get into that, too.
Interviewer (guardedly impressed) : So what sort of woman does catch your eye?
Kevin : We want a woman to know she doesn’t have to fit a preconceived notion.
Rush : Rich or poor, fast or slow, gorgeous or just, you know, real pretty – it’s what’s inside that counts.
Kevin : Hey, you never know when you’ll find a girl who’s down on her luck that turns out to be a diamond in the rough.
Rush : Not that we want to rule out a diamond in the smooth, either, of course.
Kevin : Yeah, you don’t have wear a hairshirt to appeal to the Dylan in us.
Rush : Just because a girl’s smokin’ hot and her daddy’s rollin’ in it doesn’t mean she can’t be your soulmate.
Kevin : Yeah, just because we’re not emotionally shallow metalheads doesn’t mean independently wealthy supermodel types should feel like they don’t have a chance.
Rush : Yeah, like Rod Stewart and Rachel Hunter . . .
Kevin : . . .or Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley . . .
Rush : . . . or Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.
Interviewer : They all got divorced.
Kevin : So did Phyllis Diller.
Rush (to Kevin) : Dude, wouldn’t it be sweet if a chick had great legs, was the heir to, like, a hotel fortune, and had libido like a rabbit, but also didn’t need a wonder bra and could conjugate a verb?
Kevin : And if her thong kind of peeked out at you when you’re following her through the pottery expo?
Rush : Plus comped hotel bar tabs. That’s the ultimate. Ooo-mental image.
(Both pause as if envisioning what they’ve just described)
Interviewer : But it’s still what’s on the inside that counts, right?
Kevin : Sure, but if you’ve got it on the outside, too, we respect the hell out of you. Besides, libido is on the inside.
Rush : True Love. With cash and a body that just won’t quit. That’s quite a combination.
Interviewer : You two are quite a combination.
(Rush and Kevin bump fists)
Rush (to the interviewer) : Is the interview over? You want to go to Pancho’s with us?
Kevin : And maybe see the new Rob Zombie movie after?