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This is the furst epasode uv 'How I Seize It" starring me, Loretta Jenkins.... more »
Published February 10, 2011 180 views More Info »
My name's Loretta Jenkins.
People's always tellin' me
that I got some good opinionations about stuff.
So I decided I'm gonna share it with y'all-
I'm gonna have a little show.
And it is called Loretta Jenkins'
"How I Seize It."
Now the first thing I'm gonna talk about
is some political controversial...
Now what the hell is the 'hoo-haa'
with all this illegal immigrant shit?
I mean, where in the hell do
y'all think Americans come from?
There wasn't nothin' here when the
'Big White Boat' come ove
except Injuns and dirt!
Course the Mormons think we all aliens anyway-
Stupid sunsabitches.
Here's how I seize it...
You fellers...
Hell, you-
You idgits don't know that you all got immigrant blood?
Here's way I sees it...
I think all of you that thinks all the immigrants needs to
get on back home
and get off our land
and go home from America
and all that shit-
I think you needs to put your asses on your own boat
and go back to your home land.
And see that you all...
You know all them nasty names y'all always callin' people?

That's what you are!
That's where you come from.
You callin' people stuff like:
Waps and dagos and towelheads
and uhh chinks and japs and pollocks
and the 'N-Word-'

You can say all them other words
but you can't say the 'N-Word.'
We all got that 'N-Word' blood in us.
Y'all know that, don't ya?
That's another funny thing
that just cracks me up!
And you sunsabitches-
You white, rich assholes that thinks
you ain't got no 'N-Word' blood in ya...
Well here's the way I sees that...
I think that uh-
Wait a minute.
Just gimme-
Just pretend I ain't doin' this
cause I lost my train of thought.

I think that you oughts quit callin' people
them nasty names
and and and...
Start working on global warming.
Because y'all say it ain't such a thing,
and you cussin' out the Democrats
and makin' fun of Al Gore and,
and you just sayin' all this stuff.
And here's the thing.
You think you ain't got that 'N-Word' blood in you?
You better start believin' in that global warming shit!
Because if you don't,
we all gonna be
black as the ace of spades!
We gonna be burnt up like a crisp!
So how you like that?
Good Lord!
What y'all need to do is just use your brains
for somethin' besides bitchin'
and figure out that all Americans
has gots immigrants blood in 'em!
And that's How I Seize It

I'm gonna take a short break.
I'm about out beer here.
I'm gonna go wet my whistle.

(loud footsteps)
(door banging)