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Published April 16, 2014 45k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

(ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

(BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

(ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

(BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES
AND POLITICS,

6

(ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

(BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH
LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

8

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

9

(BRYAN): WELL I--

10

(ERIN): WHAT DID YOU DO THIS WEEKEND?

11

YOU MEAN WHO? (LAUGHS)

12

NO.

13

NO, I KNOW YOU DIDN'T MEAN
THAT, BECAUSE--

14

BECAUSE THE GUY YOU'RE DATING
HAS GONE OUT OF TOWN.

15

WELL WHO SAID I'M NOT DATING
MORE THAN ONE PERSON?

16

I COULD BE DATING
THE PRINCE OF PERSIA.

17

YEAH BUT YOU'RE NOT.

18

I COULD BE DATING
THE SANDS OF TIME.

19

YOU'RE NOT.

20

I'M NOT.

21

OH, THE SANDS OF TIME.

22

YEAH.

23

I LOVE FUCKING THE
SANDS OF TIME.

24

ME TOO.

25

I GET FULLY
EXFOLIATED, INSIDE AND OUT.

26

IT'S THE TRUE.
WHENEVER SOMEONE SAYS LIKE,

27

"OH, I DID AN HOUR GLASS."
WHEN THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT

28

A WOMAN, I SAY,
"I DID THE TRUE HOUR GLASS"

29

WOW.

30

WHICH MEANS, I PUT MY PENIS IN AN
HOUR GLASS WITH SAND IN IT,

31

AND TURNED IT OVER.

32

WOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW
YOU WOULD GET IN THAT CONVERSATION,

33

BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE
WHO WOULD ASK THAT

34

QUESTION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

35

OK, YOU DON'T HANG
OUT WITH MY GIRLS.

36

DID YOU WORK AT THE ESTEE LAUDER COUNTER?

37

I DID.

38

I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHICH
COUNTER IT WAS.

39

IT WASN'T CHANEL,
I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.

40

WAS THAT THE NICE ONE?

41

I WANTED TO GO TO CHANEL. I
TOLD YOU ABOUT THE GUY WHO

42

WORKED AT THE BENEFIT COUNTER
NAMED JADE.

43

NO.

44

WHO WAS THE FIRST GAY PERSON
I EVER KNEW, AND HE WORE

45

WOMAN'S CLOTHES, AND HE
ALSO ESCAPED SOME SMALL TOWN--

46

THAT IS SO NON SPECIFIC.

47

WOMAN'S CLOTHES LIKE
WHAT, LIKE SWEAT PANTS?

48

NO. NO, LET ME CLARIFY. HE'D WEAR
A BLACK V-NECK SHIRT

49

BUT IT WOULD BE WOMANS, SO
IT WOULD FIT HIM TIGHTER--

50

RIGHT.

51

-AND WOULD WEAR
LIKE WOMAN'S PANTS.
-YEAH.

52

IT FIT HIM NICELY, RIGHT.

53

YEAH.

54

ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT
HE WAS THE ONLY GAY DUDE I THINK THAT

55

WORKED AT THIS WHOLE
DEPARTMENT STORE, AND

56

I SAW A COWBOY SPIT
ON HIM ONE DAY.

57

LIKE--

58

WAS IT GARTH BROOKS?

59

IT WAS GARTH BROOKS. HE WAS
WEARING THAT FIRE SHIRT.

60

WAS IT CHRIS GAINSES?

61

IT WAS ONE OF THEM.

62

YEAH.

63

I CAN'T REMEMBER IF HEAD A GOATEE.

64

THAT IS AWFUL.

65

IT WAS AWFUL. IT WAS LIKE THE
FULL SHIT KICKING DUDE.

66

NO ONE DID ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

67

THAT'S WHY I'VE COMMITTED
MY LIFE TO DEFENDING YOU.

68

OH, YOU DEFEND ME?

69

IN HONOR OF JADE, YEAH.

70

DO YOU MEAN OFFEND?

71

NO. DEFEND.

72

HMM, LOOK UP THAT WORD--

73

NO, NO, I'M SORRY. DEPENDS.

74

YOU'RE THE ONE SENDING ME
DEPENDS IN THE MAIL.

75

IT'S, I'M VERY OFFENDED BY IT
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE

76

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU THINK I'M INCONTINENT. I AM, BUT YOU KNOW--

77

WELL IT'S FOR
YOUR OWN PROTECTION.

78

WELL IF I WERE TO DRESS IN WOMAN'S CLOTHES--

79

IT'S DANGEROUS BEING GAY.

80

I WISH THEY WOULD MAKE A BELL
SLEEVE FOR A MAN.

81

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

82

THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY
DID IN THE 70S.

83

THEY DID? I WISH THEY WOULD
DO ANOTHER ONE.

84

I JUST WANT A CINDERELLA SLEEVE.

85

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?

86

BASIC T'S.

87

TAKE IT INTO YOUR OWN HANDS. YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

88

START YOUR OWN FASHION LINE.

89

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. I WILL.
I'M GOING TO CALL IT,

90

SLEEVES, HA.

91

QUESTION MARK.

92

SLEEVES QUESTION MARK HA.

93

YEAH.

94

THAT MAKES YOUR POINT.

95

CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER NAME.

96

IT'S GOING TO GO RIGHT NEXT
TO HELMUT LANG ON MELROSE.

97

YES.

98

99

HAVE YOU EVER DONE A ONE
WOMAN SHOW?

100

I HAVEN'T.

101

NO.

102

HAVE YOU?

103

I DID.

104

BUT YOURS WAS THE ONE
MAN SHOW, OR WAS IT ABOUT A --

105

OH, EXCUSE ME, NO-- YES, I
DID THE LIFE OF THE WOMAN

106

WHO WROTE... WHAT'S THAT BOOK?

107

DANIELLE STEEL.

108

OKAY.

109

I DID A ONE WOMAN'S SHOW, BUT
I WAS JUST DRESSED IN MY

110

BLACKS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BLACK TURTLENECK, THAT WHOLE

111

THING, BUT IT WAS THE LIFE
OF DANIELLE STEEL.

112

DID YOU HAVE A BURET ON?

113

I DID HAVE A BURET ON. EVERY
SCENE WAS JUST ME AND MY

114

HOME SAYING DIFFERENT THINGS
LIKE, "KITCHEN FABULOUS.

115

HERE'S WHERE I WROTE THE BOOK." YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

116

RIGHT, BUT YOU DON'T OWN ANY
OF HER BOOKS.

117

-NO
-NO.

118

PROBABLY THEY WERE ALL CALLED LIKE
HEART, PASSION,

119

FLOWERS IN THE FURNACE.

120

FLOWERS IN THE FURNACE. YEAH, HER
REINTERPRETATION OF

121

FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC.

122

EXACTLY.

123

WELL, THERE WAS A ONE WOMAN
SHOW THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT

124

USC, NOT THE ONE YOU'RE THINKING--

125

NOT UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA.

126

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA.

127

UH-OH.

128

THE TECHNICAL NAME OF IT IS
UNIVERSI--

129

-UH-OH.
-YEAH.

130

THE TECHNICAL NAME OF IT IS
UNIVERSITY SOUTH CAROLINA UPSTATE.

131

SO, LEIGH HENDRIX IS THE NAME
OF THE PERFORMER. SHE HAD

132

BOOKED A SHOW EARLIER THIS YEAR
AT UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH

133

CAROLINA UPSTATE TO PERFORM
HER ONE WOMAN SHOW ON CAMPUS

134

CALLED, HOW TO BE A LESBIAN
IN 10 DAYS OR LESS. WHICH

135

IS JUST SATIRE IT-- IT'S JUST A
COMEDY THING ABOUT--

136

INSTEAD OF HOW TO
LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS?

137

HOW TO BE A LESBIAN IN 10
DAYS OR LESS, AND IT WAS

138

BASICALLY, SHE IS I BELIEVE
A LESBIAN HERSELF, AND UM,

139

WAS BASICALLY JUST I THINK
TAKING ON ISSUES OF IDENTITY,

140

AND PERCEPTIONS OF PEOPLE, AND
YOU KNOW THAT KIND OF THING.

141

YEAH, BEING A BIG OL' LESBO. YEAH.

142

AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, DURING
THE SCHOOLS SYMPOSIUM

143

CALLED BODIES OF KNOWLEDGE,
WHICH WAS LIKE AN LGBTQ,

144

SYMPOSIUM AT UNIVERSITY
OF SOUTH CAROLINA.

145

ABOUT LEARNING PEOPLE.

146

-EXACTLY.
-YEAH.

147

SO PEOPLE HEARD ABOUT THE TITLE
OF THIS HOW TO BECOME

148

A LESBIAN IN 10 DAYS OR LESS,
AND FLIPPED OUT.

149

WHAT PEOPLE?

150

POLITICIANS GOT INVOLVED. IT
WAS A WHOLE MESS.

151

STATE SENATOR MIKE FAIR,
WHO REPRESENTS GREENVILLE.

152

HE'S A REPUBLICAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA SAID, "THAT'S

153

NOT AN EXPLANATION OF I WAS
BORN THIS WAY, THIS IS RECRUITING.

154

SO BASICALLY HE TOOK HER
TITLE LITERALLY, AS IF LIKE,

155

I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU HOW
TO BECOME A LESBIAN.

156

HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THEATRE
PEOPLE.

157

YEAH.

158

THEY DON'T MEAN WHAT THEY SAY.
THEY LIE ALL THE TIME.

159

THIS ISN'T A PENNYSAVER. THIS
ISN'T A LEARNING ANNEX.

160

THIS IS A SATIRICAL SHOW.

161

THIS IS A PERSON WHO'S LOOKING
FOR ATTENTION WHO

162

ABSOLUTELY IS OUT TO PUT HER
ART OUT THERE.

163

SHE'S PROBABLY GOT A LOT OF
ISSUES WITH HER HAIR.

164

SHE LIKES TO GOSSIP. YOU
KNOW, THEATRE PEOPLE.

165

SHE LIVES-- EXACTLY. SHE LOVES--

166

SHE TALKS REALLY LOUD.

167

YEP. EXACTLY. SHE WEARS HER
HEART ON HER SLEEVE.

168

YEAH.

169

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

170

UM, AND--

171

SHE'S FUCKING EVERYBODY BACKSTAGE.

172

ABSOLUTELY.

173

THEATRE PEOPLE.

174

YEAH.

175

GOD, YOU GUYS JUST
FUCK LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE.

176

WHY ARE YOU SAYING, YOU GUYS?

177

YOU'RE A THEATRE PERSON.

178

I WAS. DID I HAVE A LOT OF SEX?

179

I GUESS--

180

WELL, YOU WERE REPRESSED.

181

I WAS REPRESSED.

182

YEAH.

183

I WOULD TAKE TWO LONG
WAXED STICK CANDLES, AND LIKE...

184

JERK OFF WITH, LIKE THAT?

185

YEAH.

186

IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU HAVE LIKE REALLY
HAVE ALTERNATIVE MASTURBATION

187

TECHNIQUES IN COLLEGE,
BECAUSE IN COLLEGE WHAT I USED TO DO

188

IS I LEARNED HOW TO DO SPLITS.

189

UH-HUH.

190

RIGHT, AND THEN I WOULD JUST
HAVE ORANGES ALL OVER THE

191

FLOOR AND THEN I WOULD JUST
ROLL AROUND ON ALL THE ORANGES.

192

WHY?

193

TILL I CAME.

194

THAT'S HOW I JERKED OFF IN COLLEGE.

195

HOW MANY ORANGES--

196

I CALLED IT ORANGE BALLING.

197

HOW MANY ORANGES WOULD YOU BUY?

198

OH, 40, A HUNDRED. YOU HAVE
TO COVER THE WHOLE FLOOR,

199

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE--
IF THEY ROLL TOO MUCH THEN

200

YOU CAN'T GET ANY FRICTION.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

201

DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?

202

AND YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO
DO THE SPLITS.

203

I DON'T, I DON'T KNOW WHAT--
I CAN'T IMAGINE, AND THIS

204

WAS WHEN YOU WERE IN--

205

ORANGES ON YOUR PUSSY.

206

WAS THIS IN A DORM ROOM?

207

YEAH.

208

SO YOU HAD A ROOMMATE?

209

WELL, I DIDN'T DO IT WHEN
SHE WAS HOME.

210

OH. (LAUGHS)

211

BY THE WAY, NO PANTS AND A SHIRT.
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT,

212

BECAUSE IF SOMEONE SEE'S YOU
THROUGH THE WINDOW, YOU DON'T

213

WANT THEM THINKING ANYTHINGS UP
SO YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "HI!"

214

BECAUSE YOU'RE
FULLY CLOTHED TO HERE--

215

SO YOU'RE TALKING TO PEOPLE WHILE...

216

WELL YOU KNOW HOW CROWDED
DORMS ARE.

217

YEAH.

218

OKAY.

219

THANKS.

220

SO ALL OF THIS PRESSURE FROM
POLITICIANS, TO BASICALLY

221

TELL HER SHE NEEDED TO CANCEL
THE SHOW. THIS WAS RECRUITING.

222

THEY TOOK IT LITERALLY, AND
SHE ENDED UP HAVING TO CANCEL

223

THE SHOW.

224

NO, POOR THING.

225

YEAH, I KNOW.

226

WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CANCEL IT?
WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE

227

JUST CHANGED THE NAME?

228

SHE SAID, LEIGH HENDRIX SAID,
"THE SHOW WAS A COMEDY,

229

AND IT'S ABOUT COMING OUT, BUT
MOSTLY IT'S ABOUT FINDING

230

AND USING YOUR VOICE. I
DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL LAST WEEK

231

WHAT A RADICAL IDEA THAT IS.
I MADE THIS PIECE--"

232

GOOD FOR HER.

233

I KNOW. "I MADE THIS PIECE
TO LAUGH AT MYSELF, AND MY OWN

234

IDEAS OF WHAT ONE HAS TO DO
TO BE QUEER, TO BE AN ARTIST,

235

AND TO BE HUMAN IN THE WORLD."

236

MY FEELING ON IT, IS LIKE, AND
THESE POLITICIANS--

237

THIS IS WHAT ANGERS ME ABOUT
THESE POLITICIANS IS I

238

KNOW THEY'RE NOT THAT STUPID.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S NO WAY

239

THEY ACTUALLY THINK--

240

DIGGING THEIR HEELS IN THE SAND
FOR SOME POLITICAL REASON?

241

THERE IS NO WAY THEY ACTUALLY--
JUST TO GET

242

THEIR NAMES OUT THERE. BECAUSE
THERE IS NO WAY

243

THEY ACTUALLY THINK THAT THIS
PLAY, THIS ONE WOMAN'S SHOW,

244

IS ABOUT, IS A STEP BY STEP
GUIDE ON HOW TO BE GAY.

245

IF YOU WANT A STEP BY STEP
GUIDE, YOU KNOW WHAT THERE'S

246

JUST NO WAY, ON HOW TO BECOME
A LESBIAN. THERE'S ABSOLUTELY

247

NO WAY.

248

JEAN JACKET.

249

-EXACTLY.
-CHECK.

250

YEAH.

251

SHORT HAIR CUT, CHECK.

252

YOU'RE A LESBIAN?

253

TANK TOP, CHECK.

254

YEAH.

255

YOU DEFY ALL THE ODDS.

256

I DID IT, I BECAME
A LESBIAN TODAY.

257

258

BRYAN, I'M SO EXCITED.

259

ME TOO.

260

BECAUSE, FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A LONG TIME, I HAVE A

261

SISTER IN TALLNESS HERE TODAY.

262

OH, YOU DO?

263

YEAH.

264

NO.

265

OH.

266

(LAUGHS)

267

BETTY WHO.

268

-BETTY WHO IS HERE.
-IT WAS ME.

269

HELLO BETTY WHO.

270

HI.

271

SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

272

YOU TOO. I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

273

-THANKS FOR COMING.
-WE'VE NEVER INTERVIEWED A RECORDING ARTIST.

274

NO.

275

-WOW.
-YEAH.

276

OR VISUAL ARTIST. WE HAVE NEVER
MET AN ARTIST OR SEEN ONE.

277

YOU'VE NEVER MET... (LAUGHS)

278

THIS IS A HUGE THING.

279

ALSO, THANK YOU FOR WEARING
THE SAME LIPSTICK AS

280

OUR WALLPAPER.

281

YOU'RE SO WELCOME.

282

YOU DO. YOU COORDINATED SO WELL.

283

I ACTUALLY, I CAME--
I DID A DRY RUN EARLIER.

284

YES.

285

AND I DROVE BY, AND MADE SURE
I WAS ALL COORDINATED.

286

I HAD A DENIM JACKET ON
EARLIER, AND WE WERE MATCHING

287

TANKS AND DENIM.

288

I KNOW.

289

AND BOOTS.

290

I FORCED YOU TO TAKE IT OFF,
BECAUSE I FELT LEFT OUT.

291

50 SHADES OF DENIM. YEAH.

292

YES.

293

WE DO. WE DID IT. YEAH.

294

DID YOU READ 50 SHADES OF GREY?

295

I READ IT OUT LOUD TO MY
FRIENDS. WE WERE ALL GOING

296

AROUND, AND READING IT OUT LOUD,
AND LIKE, I DON'T KNOW--

297

I'M VERY COMFORTABLE WITHIN
MY SEXUALITY--

298

YEAH.

299

AND I WAS LIKE... (BLOWING SOUND)

300

I DON'T KNOW IF...

301

TO MUCH TOO SOON?

302

YEAH. AND LIKE READING IT ALOUD
WAS VERY AGGRESSIVE.

303

YEAH.

304

IT'S AGGRESSIVE SEX.

305

YES.

306

I READ 3 SENTENCES, AND I
CAME--

307

(LAUGHS) I WAS DONE.

308

BUT DO YOU KNOW I GAVE THAT
BOOK TO MY GRANDMOTHER.

309

SHE WANTED THAT FOR
CHRISTMAS, AND I--

310

NO WAY.

311

I HAD TO PRESENT THAT GIFT TO
AN 85 YEAR OLD WOMAN.

312

I THINK THAT THEY INVENTED
THE KINDLE JUST FOR LIKE

313

EDERLY WOMAN READING 50 SHADES
OF GREY ON THE TRAIN.

314

ABSOLUTELY.

315

NO ONE HAS TO KNOW--

316

I FIRST HEARD--

317

BACK TO ME.

318

I FIRST HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM
THE HOME DEPOT FLASH MOB VIDEO--

319

RIGHT.

320

-WITH THE PROPOSAL.
-RIGHT.

321

-AND THAT'S HOW I HEARD THE SONG--
-NOT THE PROPOSAL THE MOVIE.

322

NO.

323

AND THAT'S WHEN I HEARD THE SONG
SOMEBODY LOVES YOU.

324

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW

325

IF YOU'VE SEEN THAT FLASH
MOB VIDEO--

326

I'VE WATCHED IT SEVERAL TIMES.

327

OK. WELL I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW
BECAUSE YOU MIGHT WANT

328

TO TAKE YOUR SONG OUT OF THE
VIDEO, OR YOUR NAME OFF IT.

329

IT'S 2 MEN. GETTING MARRIED.

330

OH. I WAS, THAT'S TOO BAD.

331

THE PROPOSAL'S 2 GUYS. I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU KNEW THAT,

332

BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T
WANT TO ASSOCIATE

333

YOURSELF WITH IF YOU--

334

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS,
BUT I'M A GAY ICON.

335

SO.

336

-OH
-YOU ARE?

337

I'M A GUYCON.

338

I LOVE IT.

339

WELL I WAS COMPLETELY OFFENDED
BY THAT. NO I'M

340

KIDDING, BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN
SO MANY COLORFUL

341

TANK TOPS. I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THEY GOT THEM.

342

I MET THEM, AND IT WAS FUNNY
BECAUSE I WENT TO THEIR WEDDING.

343

YOU DID?

344

I SANG AT THEIR WEDDING.

345

YOU DID?

346

SEX IN THE CITY 2.
YOU'RE DOING IT ALL.

347

I KNOW. I'M DOING IT ALL, AND
BASICALLY I'M THE NEXT

348

LIZA MINNELLI. I AM, BUT I SAW
ONE OF THE GUYS WHO WAS IN THE

349

BIG YELLOW, YOU KNOW--

350

(BRYAN): YES.

351

(BETTY): YOU KNOW, HE WAS COMMITTING THE HARNESS IN THE VIDEO,

352

AND I WAS LIKE, "I REMEMBER YOU
FROM THE VIDEO."

353

AND EVERYONE AT THE TABLE ALL--

354

WEPT.

355

ANGRY GAYS WERE LIKE,
HE KNOWS YOU MAN.

356

HE WAS LIKE, I
KNOW YOU REMEMBER ME.

357

IT WAS LIKE HIS FUCKING
MOMENT IN THE SUN.

358

YOU ARE INTO MUSICALS. LIKE
WHO DO YOU LOVE?

359

MICHAEL AND WHITNEY WERE LIKE
BIG POP ICONS FOR ME.

360

UM, GUYCONS IF YOU WILL.

361

SURE.

362

I THINK I WAS SUPER INFLUENCED
BY SONG WRITERS,

363

BECAUSE I THINK OF MYSELF
FIRST AND FOREMOST AS A SONGWRITER,

364

BECAUSE I WRITE MY OWN MUSIC
AND WHATEVER, AND I THINK LIKE

365

IF IT CAME DOWN TO ME HAVING
TO SING POP MUSIC OR

366

I HAD TO SING OTHER
PEOPLE'S SONGS, OR I HAD

367

TO SIT ON A STOOL IN A BAR IN
FRONT OF A HUNDRED PEOPLE

368

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, AND
SING MY OWN SONGS I WOULD DO THAT.

369

YES.

370

WOULD YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH
GEORGE MICHEAL.

371

IN THE 80S?

372

YEAH.

373

ABSOLUTELY.

374

WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH ROB
LOWE IN THE 80S OR NOW?

375

BOTH.

376

OKAY.

377

CAN I SAY ALL THE ABOVE?

378

BECAUSE HE LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME.

379

ARE YOU KIDDING, I'M THE NUMBER
ONE WEST WING

380

FAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD, BECAUSE
I'M 85, AND SO

381

ROB LOWE IN WEST WING COULD
GET IT. IN THE FIRST EPISODE

382

HE HAS SEX WITH A HOOKER.
HE'S SO IN IT. I WAS DOWN.

383

THAT, DO YOU LOVE A WALK AND TALK?

384

I LOVE A GOOD WALK AND TALK.

385

DON'T YOU THINK JANNEY SHOULD
BE A GUYCON? I THINK

386

WE SHOULD ONLY CALL HER JANNEY,
JUST ONE NAME.

387

I THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

388

LIKE MADONNA.

389

ACTUALLY, ALLISON AND JANNEY, JANNEY,
IS MY PERSONAL HERO.

390

YEAH.

391

AND I FEEL LIKE SHE'S ONE OF THE
MOST UNSUNG HEROS OF

392

MY GENERATION.

393

I NEARLY SWITCHED TO KAISER PERMANENTE,
JUST FOR HER.

394

JUST BECAUSE SHE DID THE VOICE. ABSOLUTELY--

395

ON THE RADIO, AND I HEARD IT
, AND I WAS LIKE JANNEY.

396

OK, SO BETTY, YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN.

397

YES.

398

DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR ANCESTORS
WERE MURDERERS--

399

CONVICTS OF SOME KIND.

400

CHILD ABUSERS.

401

TAX EVADERS.

402

I'M NOT SURE, BUT I'M SURE IT
WAS SOMETHING FUCKING HORRIBLE.

403

(LAUGHS)

404

I BELIEVE IT.

405

WELL, ON THAT NOTE BETTY, WE
LOVE FOR YOU TO SING US A DIDDY.

406

I WOULD LOVE THAT.

407

THAT'S YOUR TRANSITION?

408

YEAH, YES. THAT WAS WONDERFUL.

409

YOU'RE WRAPPING UP A TOUR.

410

YES I AM.

411

YOUR EP IS DROPPING WHEN?

412

APRIL 8TH.

413

FANTASTIC.

414

AND WHERE CAN PEOPLE GET IT?

415

ITUNES.

416

OH, I'VE HEARD OF IT.

417

OH GREAT. OH MY GOSH.
ITUNES OR WHATEVER.

418

APRIL 8TH IS 8 DAYS BEFORE MY
SISTER'S BIRTHDAY.

419

SO THAT'S HOW
PEOPLE CAN REMEMBER IT.

420

RIGHT. ABSOLUTELY.

421

THANKS BETTY.

422

LET EVERYONE KNOW. OF COURSE.

423

424

(MUSIC PLAYS, BETTY WHO
"SOMEBODY LOVES YOU")

425

426

WHO'S AROUND WHEN THE DAYS FEEL LONG

427

WHO'S AROUND WHEN YOU CAN'T BE STRONG

428

WHO'S AROUND WHEN YOU'RE LOSING YOUR MIND

429

430

WHO CARES THAT YOU GET HOME SAFE

431

WHO KNOWS YOU CAN'T BE REPLACED

432

WHO THINKS THAT YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND

433

434

SOMEBODY MISSES YOU WHEN YOU'RE AWAY

435

THEY WANNA WAKE UP WITH YOU EVERYDAY

436

SOMEBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SAY

437

438

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

439

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

440

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

441

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

442

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

443

444

I'M AROUND WHEN YOUR HEAD IS HEAVY

445

I'M AROUND WHEN YOUR HANDS AREN'T STEADY

446

I'M AROUND WHEN YOUR DAY'S GONE ALL WRONG

447

448

I CARE THAT YOU FEEL AT HOME

449

I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL ALONE

450

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO MISS ME WHEN I AM GONE

451

452

SOMEBODY MISSES YOU WHEN YOU'RE AWAY

453

THEY WANNA WAKE UP WITH YOU EVERYDAY

454

SOMEBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SAY

455

456

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

457

458

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

459

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

460

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

461

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

462

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER

463

WHY DON'T YOU LAY ME DOWN

464

DOES THE PAIN FEEL BETTER

465

WHEN I'M AROUND

466

467

IF I AM GOOD TO YOU

468

WON'T YOU BE GOOD TO ME

469

THAT'S HOW EASY THIS SHOULD BE

470

471

SOMEBODY MISSES YOU

472

SOMEBODY MISSES YOU BABY

473

474

THEY WANT TO WAKE UP WITH YOU

475

OOH, THEY WANT YOU TO SAY.

476

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

477

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

478

SOMEBODY, SOMEBODY

479

SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

480

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

481

OOH SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

482

483

(APPLAUSE)

484

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