Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
Meet the LA members of “The Program” as they work their way through the 12 steps of... more »
Published July 07, 2014 34k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
DIRECTOR - Amy York Rubin
WRITTEN BY - Maria Bamford & Melinda Hill
CREATED BY - Maria Bamford & Melinda Hill
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS - Maria Bamford, Melinda Hill, Betsy Koch, Anna Wenger, Amy York Rubin
ASSOCIATE PRODUCERS - Elizabeth Baquet & Sam Fishell
EDITED BY - Pat Bishop, Caleb Swyers, Ian Skalksi
CAST:
KELSEY - Maria Bamford
PEACE - Melinda Hill
KEVIN - Oscar Nunez
MIKE - George Basil
ALAN - Jerry Minor
EXTRA GROUP MEMBER - Jesse Elias
NEWCOMER - David Z. Stamp
LINE PRODUCER - Jim Sharon
1ST AD - Michael Callahan
SCRIPT SUPERVISOR - Jillian Terwedo
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY - Andrew Russo
2ND CAMERA OP - Jason Schmid
1ST ASST CAMERA - Alicia Fischmeister
GAFFER - Kevin Skaggs
BEST BOY ELECTRIC - Vong Chea
KEY GRIP - Vince Pagoda
BEST BOY GRIP - Braydon Schiener
DOLLY GRIP - Jon Gomez
PRODUCTION DESIGNER - Tricia Robertson
SET DECORATOR - Mike Robertson
SET DRESSER - Ali Naqvi
SET DRESSER - Corey Doyle
SET DRESSER - Rookie Hayman
SET PHOTOGRAPHER - Mandee Johnson
MAKEUP ARTIST - Megan Titus
MIXER - Ryan Kaiser
PA - Daniel Herzog
PA - Lance Heybrock
PA - Evan Petruzzi
EXTRAS - Jennifer Jhaveri, Robert Goldston, Darren Gann, Craig Chen, Dennis Nicomede, David Stamp, Whitney Destiny
​SPECIAL THANKS: Hollywood Seventh Day Adventist Church​

1

(JAZZY STYLED MUSIC PLAYS)

2

WE ARE SELF SUPPORTED
THROUGH OUR OWN

3

CONTRIBUTIONS SO WE PASS
THE BASKET, AND WE COLLECT

4

$10 DOLLARS A WEEK IN
ORDER TO MAKE RENT.

5

IF YOU COULD JUST CASH THIS
CHECK, WAIT TILL MONDAY?

6

- IT'S FOR $2.50 CENTS.
- I KNOW,

7

I HAVE LIKE A CHECK COMING
IN FOR FOUR, AND SO IT HASN'T

8

CLEARED YET, SO...

9

UM, BUT NOW I WOULD LIKE TO
WELCOME OUR SPEAKER FOR

10

TONIGHT.

11

MIKE. YAY!!

12

(GROUP APPLAUDS)

13

(MIKE): OK. HI EVERYONE, I'M MIKE.

14

(GROUP): HI MIKE.

15

I'M A COMPULSIVE DEBTOR.
IT'S OUR FIRST STEP RIGHT

16

SO...

17

FIRST I'D LIKE TO THANK
THE NEW COMER AND ALLEN.

18

THIS IS THE 2ND STRAIGHT WEEK,
I'D LIKE TO TOUCH

19

YOUR LEG.

20

YEAH, WELL I GOTTA BE HERE,
SO WHATEVER MAN.

21

OH, DON'T... NO CROSS TALK.

22

HE TALKED TO ME.

23

YOU CAN'T INTERRUPT ANOTHER
PERSON'S CHAIR.

24

(WHISPERS): I'LL TALK TO YOU
ABOUT IT AFTER THE MEETING.

25

OH, WHAT THE FUCK...

26

KELSEY, NO CROSS TALK.

27

(MIKE): I'M GONNA JUST START
BY TELLING YOU

28

HOW LOW I GOT AND HOW
POWERLESS I AM.

29

HEADS UP, THIS IS GOING
TO GET REALLY DEEP.

30

THIS COMPULSIVE DEBTING
THING IS A MATTER OF LIFE

31

AND DEATH FOR MOST
PEOPLE, OK?

32

THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE
OUT THERE LIKE I WAS.

33

THEY WERE EVICTED, THEY WERE
LIVING ON A MOTORCYCLE,

34

AND JUST WAITING TO SHOOT
THEMSELVES IN THE HEAD

35

WHILE JERKING OFF.

36

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE GUY
THAT WAS CAUGHT DEAD WITH

37

MY BONER IN MY HAND.

38

MY SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS
SPONSOR TOLD ME ABOUT

39

D.A. AND SO THANKFUL THAT HE DID.
JUST FYI, I DO HAVE

40

TO TELL YOU GUYS I'VE BEEN TOLD,
THAT I GOT SOME HARD

41

GAYED STEM ENERGY COMING OUT.

42

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT.
I DON'T HAVE A

43

CONTAINER FOR IT.
IT DOESN'T FIT INTO A JAR.

44

IF I SAY ANYTHING THAT IS
UNCOMFORTABLE, IF I'M NEAR

45

YOU AND IT FEELS LIKE I'M
INSIDE YOU, YOU RAISE YOUR HAND

46

AND YOU SAY TRIGGER,
AND I WILL TRY TO PULL IT BACK,

47

BUT NOTHING CAN STOP
THE WAY I NEED IT.

48

OH... TRIGGER.

49

- TRIGGER?
- YES.

50

OK. WELL THEN I'LL
GET TO THIS PART.

51

I MOVED HERE FROM NEW YORK
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO. IT

52

WAS PRETTY CRASH.
I CAME HERE WITH A PRETTY BIG

53

METH BAG, LIKE 300K,
AND I FLIPPED OUT (GASPS).

54

IT'S CALIFORNIA. EVERYBODY'S
BIKINI'D AND

55

TANNED. SO I CAN GET A HARD
ON QUICKER THAN A DOG--

56

TRIGGER.

57

OK, FINE.

58

UM, I BLEW IT FAST, I BLEW
IT HARD, I BLEW IT ALL

59

THE WAY THROUGH--

60

TRIGGER.

61

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO BACK TO
NEW YORK WHERE I LEFT NO

62

STONE UNFUCKED--

63

TRIGGER!

64

TRIGGER.

65

TRIGGER.

66

ALL 3 OF YOU ARE GOING
TO TRIGGER ME?

67

OK, THEN I'LL TURN MY CHAIR
AROUND AND TRY TO KEEP

68

THIS CLEANER, AND KEEP THIS
AWAY FROM YOU, BUT IT

69

WILL STILL COME OUT--

70

TR-I...

71

ANYWAY, I'M SO GLAD THAT I
CAME HERE BECAUSE YOU GUYS

72

HAVE SHOWN ME I CAN SPEND
UNDER MY, MY EARNINGS.

73

SO NOW I CAN BUY WHAT THE
SEX I WANT WITHOUT PAYING

74

FOR THE MESSAGE
I DON'T WANT--

75

(WHIMPERS) TRIGGER, TRIGGER...

76

AND THAT'S A HAPPY
ENDING FOR EVERYONE.

77

SO SORRY, IS THIS A.A.?

78

NO THAT'S UM, IT'S, IT'S...

79

DOWN THE HALL.

80

YOU'LL HERE THE
LAUGHTER (CHUCKLES).

81

UM, I'M KEVIN.

82

HI, KEVIN.

83

(KEVIN): AND I'M BEING
FOLLOWED BY,

84

BY THOSE PEOPLE, BUT
WHEN MY LITHIUM GETS TO

85

THERAPEUTIC LEVELS, UH,
THEY'LL BE GONE.

86

HOPEFULLY BY THE BUSINESS
MEETING NEXT MONTH.

87

SO, UM,

88

ALSO WE HAVE TO PASS THE
BASKET AROUND AGAIN,

89

BECAUSE WE HAVE TWO DOLLARS,
A COUPON, AND A

90

HARD ROLE...

91

TRIGGER. TRIGGER. ON KEVIN.

92

DANISH? WE HAVE
A DANISH.

93

(HOST LADY): OK.

94

- DANISH?

95

(HOST LADY): IS THAT GOOD?

96

OK, SO IS EVERYBODY
GOOD WITH THAT?

97

OK.

98

(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS)

99

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More