Rick Santorum Aborts Presidential Campaign

Actor

Ashley Judd

Actor

Michelle Trachtenberg

Actor

Katy Mixon

Actor

E. Coupe and her Breezy V.

Actor

michaeltruly

Director

Andy Maxwell

Producer

Alex Richanbach

Sound

BoTown Sound

Uploader

Funny Or Die

Additional Credits [+]

Old embed code (only works with browsers that support Adobe Flash)

WEBVTT 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:10.000 <v Ashley Judd> Oh. Um, Mister Santorum, take a seat. 00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:14.000 <v Katy Mixon> I understand you'd like to terminate your candidacy. And I am sure, pumpkin, that is a very hard decision for you. 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:15.000 <v Eliza Coupe> Sorry. 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:21.000 <v Katy Mixon> If you weren't mature enough to carry your candidacy to term, you shouldn't have engaged in the risky behavior that began it. 00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:26.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> But, you made a mistake. Because you were thrust into a situation that you weren't ready for. 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:29.000 <v Eliza Coupe> And the next thing you knew, a good looking rich man took advantage of you. 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:31.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> Not your fault. 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:36.000 <v Katy Mixon> People might say you were askin' for it. I'm not saying that, but people are. 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:40.000 <v Eliza Coupe> I suppose adoption is out of the question. No one in their right mind would want you as a running mate. 00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:42.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> [Sighs] 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:45.000 <v Ashley Judd> The financial burden, the risk of your political career, there is a lot at stake. 00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:50.000 <v Eliza Coupe> [Growls] God! I'm just so glad you could step out of the race with your reputation and life intact. 00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:54.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> What did you say? Make the best out of a bad situation. 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:56.000 <v Katy Mixon> I'm not judging you, though. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:57.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> That's not me. 00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:10.000 <v Ashley Judd> I mean, you're a grown man running for President, and I'm just a woman who's never worked in politics and couldn't possibly understand what you're going through. I mean, what am I doing even talking to you about this? But...[Sigh] here we are. 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:17.000 <v Eliza Coupe> The law requires me to tell you that as early as six weeks, a candidacy can have living, breathing supporters. 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:19.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> And before doing anything, I'll need your parental consent form. 00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:21.000 <v Eliza Coupe> And you're gonna have to listen to your campaign manager's heart. 00:01:21.000 --> 00:01:23.000 [Beep] [Coughs] 00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:27.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> And, of course, you'll have to look at the sonogram of your campaign. 00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:29.000 <v Rick Santorum> I'm ready to lead. I'm ready... [Echoes] 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:30.000 <v Eliza Coupe> [Shushes] 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:32.000 <v Ashley Judd> You'll also have to watch this. [Click] 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:33.000 <v Rick Santorum> You can't win. Can't win. 00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:48.000 <v TV Personalities> It hurts. I am not a politician. Because people gotta know. I am suspending my, suspending, suspending, my pay and endorsing. A crook. Well after. Spending. My presidential campaign. [Slow Motion] Suspend our campaign today. [Click] 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:52.000 <v Ashley Judd> Okay. We'll finalize this after the mandatory seventy-two hour waiting period. 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:54.000 <v Eliza Coupe> And be careful on your way out. There's some really angry people out there. 00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:57.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> Please. Take one of these. 00:01:57.000 --> 00:02:00.000 <v Ashley Judd> Prayerfully consider what it has to say. 00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:03.000 <v Michelle Trachtenberg> I don't want to have this conversation in another forty-eight months. 00:02:03.000 --> 00:02:05.000 <v Katy Mixon> Just go ahead and stay home. 00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:10.000 [Music Playing]