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Jonathan loves three things - ​Palm Springs,​ Orbe Gel Serum, and Game of Thrones
Published June 17, 2014 570k views Immortal More Info »
12,043 Funny Votes
2,477 Die Votes
569,287 Views
Published June 17, 2014

1

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

2

JONATHAN DID YOU WATCH
GAME OF THRONES THIS

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WEEKEND? I TRIED WATCHING
BECAUSE I'M

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GOING ON A DATE THIS
WEEKEND WITH SOMEONE WHO

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CARES ABOUT DRAGONS
BUT I DIDN'T

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UNDERSTAND A
WORD OF IT.

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GIRL, I GOT YOU COVERED.

8

(GAY OF THRONES
THEME MUSIC)

9

10

SO FIRST YOU GOT JON
SNOW AND SHE'S ANGRILY

11

POWER STOMPING TO GO
HAVE A FAUX PEACE MEETING

12

WITH RILING SMASH
ANJELICA HUSTON.

13

SHE'S GOT TO TALK SOME
SENSE INTO HER.

14

(OTHER GUY): YEAH, BUT
THEN ALL THOSE TROOPS ARE

15

COMING IN, AND IT'S
LOOKING TO ME LIKE

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OPENING CEREMONY
OLYMPICS BEIJING 2008.

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(JONATHAN): OH YEAH, N-NO, NO,
THAT WAS ACTUALLY A BUNCH OF

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JASON STATHAM AND HIS
HOME AND HIS HOMEGIRL

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HOOKED ON PHONICS, AND
THEY WERE COMING IN TO LIKE FUCKING

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PUT THE BEAT DOWN
ON SOME BITCHES.

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SO THEN PAPA LANNISTER GETS SMACKED IN

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THE FACE WITH A BIG OL'
DOSE OF REALITY FROM

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HIS DAUGHTER BLOND CHER
WHEN HE FINDS OUT

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WHAT THE D IN BROTHER
D STANDS FOR.

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BUT IT STANDS FOR
BROTHER DICK.

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I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

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BUT THEN BLOND CHER
GOES TO CAST HER PUSSY

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POWER OVER BROTHER D
WHICH HE TOTALLY LOVES.

29

HE STANDS UP, HE
THROWS HIS

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ANTRHOPOLOGIE CATALOG
OFF THE SUNDIAL AND

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THEN THEY MAKE LIKE THIS
PATERNAL TWIN

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LIKE NAST-NAST REVENGE
LOVE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

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SO THEN JON SNOW GETS
DOWN TO HER VERY OWN

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PRIVATE FUNERAL, AND

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SHE'S GIVING ME FULL ON
LIKE CHANEL PRINT AD

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SWAN SONG, AND THEN
JON SNOW LIKE POIGNANTLY

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TURNS AROUND AND HE'S
GIVING US OUR LIKE

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ANGELA BASSETT IN WAITING
TO EXHALE MOMENT.

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(OTHER GUY): I STILL CAN'T
REALLY TELL THE

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DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
GAME OF THRONES AND A

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EVANESCENCE VIDEO.

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OK IF THIS GUY IS A FULL
ON GAME OF

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THRONES FAN DO NOT
SAY THAT. THEY ARE NOT

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INTO LIKE WEIRD
REFERENCES OF LIKE

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GAME OF THRONES TO
OTHER THINGS.

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LIKE THEY'RE SUPER
HARD CORE.

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OK-OK, I WON'T, I WON'T...

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SO THEN MISS CLEO AND
THE SPICE GIRLS

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FINALLY FIND THE TREE
BIG FISH, BUT THEN

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THE FUCKING EXTRAS
FROM THE THRILLER

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MUSIC VIDEO POPPED UP
FROM NO WHERE TO RUIN

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THEIR DAY.

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- (MICHAEL JACKSON "THRILLER" PLAYS)
- YOU KNOW IT'S THRILLER

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THRILLER NIGHT

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YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR
YOUR LIFE INSIDE A

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KILLER THRILLER, CHILLER,
THRILLER HERE TONIGHT

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SO THEN (INAUDIBLE WORD)
SAMARA COMES IN TO SAVE THE

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DAY. THEY GO INTO THIS
LITTLE BABY CAVE

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WHERE BABY LITTLE MISS
CLEO LIKE VIETNAM

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POWER CALLED HER WAY
UP TO MR. MARLEY FROM

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HOME ALONE, AND SHE
FINDS OUT THAT SHE'S

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NOT GOING TO
WALK AGAIN.

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(MAN): YOU'LL NEVER
WALK AGAIN.

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BUT YOU WILL FLY.

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(JONATHAN): SHE'S GONNA
FLY GIRL.

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SO THEN TILDA HAPPENS
ON BABY KRISTEN STEWART.

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SHE STARTS SHIT WITH DOG
THE BOUNTY HUNTER

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AND THEN SHE GOES FULL
MIKE TYSON ON HIS ASS.

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(OTHER GUY): THAT WAS
SOMETHING WE NEED TO

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TALK ABOUT. KEVIN TILDA RAGE.

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(JONATHAN): SO THEN DOG
THE BOUNTY HUNTER

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TRIES TO GET BABY
KRISTEN STEWART TO PUT

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HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY,
BY BEING A REAL

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DEBBIE DOWNER.

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PRETTY SISTER. I FEEL
FUCKING BLOODY.

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BUT SHE MAKES LIKE PAULA
ABDUL AND LEAVES

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HIM LIKE A COLD HEARTED
SNAKE TO DIE

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IN THE SCOTTISH WILDERNESS GIRL.

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SO THEN BROTHER D GOES
TO BUST OUT MUNCH MUNCH

80

FROM HIS JAIL CELL, BUT
INSTEAD OF ESCAPING

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HE GOES TO TAKE A LITTLE
FAIR WELL TOUR

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OF THE CASTLE WHERE HE
FINDS CAPITAL CITY

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SELINA IN PAPA LANNISTER BED.

84

AND THEN HE STRANGLES
HER WITH HER OWN NECKLESS.

85

HE WENT TO JARED.

86

HE WENT TO JARED.

87

(SONG FROM THE JARED
COMMERCIALS PLAYS)

88

IT CAN ONLY BE JARED

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FIND A JARED STORE OR SHOP
ANYTIME AT JARED.COM

90

SO MUNCH MUNCH FINALLY
COMES UNGLUED. HE FINDS

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PAPA LANNISTER TAKING A
DEUCE AND PUTS TWO

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ARROWS IN HIS ASS.

93

(SOUNDS OF ARROWS
BEING SHOT)

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PAPA LANNISTER, ELVIS, ALL
THE KINGS DIE THE SAME WAY.

95

NO GIRL, SHE WAS NEVER
A KING. YOU'VE GOT TO

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GET IT TOGETHER FOR
THE DATE TONIGHT.

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I'M TRYING SO HARD.

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THEN BABY KRISTEN STEWART'S GALLOPING ON

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HER PONY. SHE'S GIVING
ME FULL SCARJO HORSE WHISPERER.

100

AND SHE TALKS HER WAY
ONTO THAT BOAT AND SHE'S

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LIKE BITCH CALL ME
CELINE DION BECAUSE

102

MY HEART WILL GO ON.

103

OH MY GOD GIRL, I'M
SO RELIEVED THAT YOU

104

ARE FINALLY STARTING
TO SMELL WHAT I'M

105

STEPPING IN, AND YOU
ARE UNDERSTANDING

106

GAME OF THRONES FINALLY.

107

P U, I LOVE IT.

108

(CLUSTER OF SALON SOUNDS)

109

OH MY GOD GIRL, YOU
ARE GIVING ME SER LORAS

110

TYRELL FIERCENESS.

111

I WASN'T EVEN COMING
IN FOR A HAIR CUT, BUT

112

THANK YOU.

113

WHERE ARE...

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MY DRAGONS.

115

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OK FELLAS I GOTTA CLOSE UP.

117

GUYS I HAVE TO CLOSE UP.

118

(SIGH) OK.

119

120

OUT, OUT, NO OUT.

121

OUT.

122

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

123

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

124

MY PROBLEM IS THAT
I WILL HAVE WIND

125

IN MY HAIR, I WILL GIVE
SO MUCH FACE, AND

126

THIS IS MY HOUSE AND
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

127

BE SUCH A BITCH ABOUT IT.

128

YOU'VE LOST YOUR
MOTHERFUCKIN' MIND.

129

OH, I'VE LOST MY MIND.

130

YOU'VE LOST YOUR
MOTHERFUCKIN' MIND.

131

OH, I'VE LOST MY MIND
BEHIND YOUR DESK.

132

WHAT THE FUCK IS
YOUR PROBLEM?

133

OH, WHAT THE FUCK
IS MY PROBLEM.

134

YOUR PROBLEM.

135

I LOVE YOU.

136

OK.

137

YOU WANT TO KISS.

138

OK. (LAUGHS)

139

140

(CHILD'S VOICE): GRANDPA

141

GRANDPA WAIT.

142

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A
STORY ABOUT A GAME OF

143

THRONES RECAP SHOW
WITH AN LGBT PERSPECTIVE.

144

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT KISSING.

145

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW MY
GRANDSON WAS HOMOPHOBIC.

146

CALM DOWN GRANDPA I'M 10.

147

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT ANYBODY KISSING.

148

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR
THE REST OF THE STORY OR NOT?

149

SURE, I GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO BE.

150

SINCE THE INVENTION OF
KISSING, THERE HAVE BEEN

151

NO KISS THIS PASSIONATE.
THIS FIERCE.

152

IT WAS IN THE THROES
OF PASSION THAT

153

JONATHAN WAS SURPRISED

154

BY A STRANGE FEELING

155

IN HIS STOMACH.

156

LIKE KOMBUCHA HAD
GONE WRONG.

157

JEFFREY HAD THRUSTED
HIS DAGGER INTO

158

JONATHAN'S STOMACH.

159

JONATHAN LOOKED
DOWN TO SEE HIS BLOOD

160

SOAKING THE SHIRT HE
HAD JUST BOUGHT.

161

AND IT HITS HIM.

162

THE LANNISTER SON NEVER
GUARDS YOU DUMB BITCH.

163

(GRANDPA): JEFFREY LEFT
SATISFIED THAT HE

164

HAD SLAIN HIS ENEMY,
BECAUSE HE WAS LATE

165

FOR HOT YOGA.

166

SER NOT QUICHE...

167

JONATHAN LAYED ON
THE FLOOR ALONE AND

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GASPING FOR LIFE.

169

WHAT? WHY DID
YOU KILL JONATHAN?

170

HE WAS MY FAVORITE.

171

I DIDN'T SAY HE
WAS DEAD.

172

REALLY? WHAT
HAPPENS NEXT.

173

(LAUGHS) YOU'LL HAVE
TO WAIT TILL THE NEXT BOOK.

174

B-BUT I WANT TO
HEAR IT NOW.

175

GET OFF MY BACK.
YOU'RE GOING TO

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GROW UP TO BE KING JOFFREY.

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(WHINES)

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IT TAKES ME TIME TO WRITE.
1500 PAGES ARE

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LONG. SOME PEOPLE
CAN'T EVEN READ THEM.

180

(STILL WHINING)

181

182

I CAN SEE YOUR HALO, HALO

183

HALO...

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