Bill Maher has lied to his fans and the world for long enough. His horrible secret is finally revealed.
Published September 15, 2014 160k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
CAST:
Bill Maher
Anabelle Gurwitch
CREW:
EP - Jason Carden
Producer - Sean Dacanay
Writer - Bryan Safi
Editor - Ian Skalski
1st AD - Sean Dacanay
Director of Photography - Barry Elmore
1st AC - Wojciech Kielar
Gaffer - George Nienhuis
Key Grip - Phil Jackson
Make Up Artist - Brenda Rippie
Hair/Makeup Artist - Sasha Glasser
Wardrobe Stylist - Tala Bakhtar
Production Designer - Susie Mancini
Set Dec - Clinton Harris
Prop Master - Brad Salo
Sound - Ryan Knouf for BoTown Sound
PA - Dominic D'Astice
3,904 Funny Votes
1,096 Die Votes
160,890 Views
Published: September 15, 2014

(religious ambient music plays)
(someone knocks at the door)

> BILL?

> HEY, YEAH,
ONE SECOND.

> UH, WH-WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

> HOW ARE YOU?

> HI. (smooches)

> CAN WE GO TO
SWINGERS?
I GOT TO GO TO SOME
PLACE THAT HAS EGGS?

> YEAH,
BUT UM, W-WHAT,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

> I'M PRAYING.

> BILL, YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.
EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE
AN ATHEIST.

> WELL, EVERYBODY
IN THE BUSINESS KNOWS I
PLAY AN ATHEIST.

> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING-- NO...

> STEPHEN COLBERT
IS NOT REALLY CONSERVATIVE.
ROCK HUDSON REALLY WASN'T
A LADY KILLER. THIS IS AN ACT,
THIS IS WHAT WE DO,
THIS IS HOLLYWOOD SWEETHEART.

> YOU MADE A
WHOLE MOVIE, RELIGULOUS ABOUT--

> YES, I MADE
A MOVIE BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE
THE MONEY WAS.
IF STUPID ATHEIST WANT TO GIVE
ME THEIR MONEY, GO AROUND
ALL THE COUNTRY, SEE ME PLAY--
EVERY PLACE I PLAY
I TAKE THAT MONEY, I GIVE THAT
TO LOCAL CHURCHES.
AND NOT TO CHARITY STUFF,
THEY HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED.
THIS IS STRICTLY FOR ENFORCING
RELIGIOUS DOGMA,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT'S
ALL ABOUT.

> WAIT A MINUTE,
BILL, YOU ARE THE MOST LOGICAL
PERSON I KNOW.
I MEAN--

> I HAD A VISION WHEN I
WAS 14 YEARS OLD.
JESUS CHRIST SAT AT THE EDGE
OF MY BED. THIS WAS
BEFORE I EVER HAD A JOINT OR
A BEER-- THIS WAS REAL.
THERE WAS A WHITE LIGHT,
CAME INTO THE ROOM, FLOATED
DOWN-- JUST THE WAY YOU
PICTURE HIM, THE BEARD,
THE HAIR, ROBE, SAT AT THE END
OF THE BED, AND WE HAD
A CONVERSATION, AND HE JUST
TOLD ME, "HAVE FUN WITH IT."
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID - JUST HAVE
FUN WITH IT, BECAUSE HE SAID,
"YOU KNOW IF YOU DO THE RIGHT
THING YOU'RE GOING TO
GET TO HEAVEN, BUT HEAVEN--"
IT DOESN'T EVEN PAY TO EXPLAIN
IT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE
TO EXPERIENCE IT TO KNOW.
BE ONE OF MY RELIGIOUS
FRIENDS. I HAVE MANY.

> YOU'RE HANGING OUT WITH
LIKE KATHIE LEE GIFFORD?

> NO, BUT ANN COULTER.
PEOPLE SAY, "HOW CAN YOU BE
FRIENDS WITH ANN COULTER?
WHAT DO YOU TWO DO?"
WE PRAY. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

> GUESS THAT, MAKES SENSE,
BUT WHAT ABOUT KIRK CAMERON?

> THAT'S A LITTLE PRICK.
I WOULD NOT GO NEAR
THAT GUY.

> WOW.

> THAT'S MY LIFE. THAT'S
WHO I AM, AND I'M GLAD
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
YOU FOUND OUT.

> WAIT,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME
NOW THAT SMOKING WEED, THAT
WAS ALL IN THE PAST?

> NO (chuckles)...

> OK.

> I'M CRAZY, NOT STUPID.

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