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John and Will's Animal Choices is one of the best new shows around and you can... more »
Published January 13, 2011 1.4m views More Info »

Male Voiceover: This season on Funny
or Die Presents.
John C. Reilly: (sigh)
Will Ferrell: Hey, John. What are
you doing?
John C. Reilly: I'm thinking about
something.
Will Ferrell: Can you share it
with me?
John C. Reilly: I'm trying to decide
what kind
John C. Reilly: of animal I would be if
I could be an animal.
Will Ferrell: That's what
everyone's thinking.
John C. Reilly: Let's just both
think out loud.
Will Ferrell: What sort of animal we'd
like to be.
John: Exactly.
Will: Okay.
[Interposing Voices]
John C. Reilly: Snake.
John C. Reilly: Baby Snake.
Will Ferrell: Horse. Pony.
John C. Reilly: A mouse with a pouch.
Will Ferrell: Any sort of fish.
John C. Reilly: Zebra.
Will Ferrell: Zebra.
John C. Reilly: No, I said Zebra.
Will Ferrell: Zebra.
John C. Reilly: (sigh) Are you going to
say the animal?
Will Ferrell: Don't say it.
John C. Reilly: Phew. Baboon
Will Ferrell: Barbara, the name
Barbara.
John C. Reilly: We're not getting
anywhere.
Will Ferrell: It's literally the hardest
thing I've ever done.
John C. Reilly: I know.
John C. Reilly: Ahhh.
Will Ferrell: Ahh.
John C. Reilly: Arrrh.
Will Ferrell: Arrrh.
John C. Reilly: Roar.
[monster sound]
(jungle music)
John C. Reilly: I'm a monkey.
John C. Reilly: I'm a little, little
monkey.
John C. Reilly: I like to jump
around.
John C. Reilly: I like to look down
from my high up
John C. Reilly: on the tree
post. Arrh.
John C. Reilly: I like to eat fruit, um,
um, a little monkey.
Will Ferrell: I'm a lion and I eat
monkeys.
Will Ferrell: Rrrrr.
Will Ferrell: It's the only thing I love
is monkey meat.
Will Ferrell: Rrrrr.
Will Ferrell: And I love when they cry
when they're in my teeth.
Will Ferrell: Rrrrr.
John C. Reilly: What purpose does the
sandbag serve?
Will Ferrell: I want to be a cheetah.
Will Ferrell: Are the bars necessary?
Male 1: It's called being
keyed out.
Will Ferrell: And we're in an
animated world?
Male 1: Yes.
Male 2: You're the animals.
Male 2: The animal world
is behind you.
Male 2: You have to be
very steady.
Will Ferrell: Okay.
John C. Reilly: Couldn't we have something
that was the same color
John C. Reilly: that wasn't
pounds?
Will Ferrell: Yeah, like a piece of
paper that would just...
Male 1: You know what
happens then?
Male 1: It sags.
John C. Reilly: All right.
Will Ferrell: Ow.
John C. Reilly: Should we take a
run at it?
Male 2: (off-screen) And action.
Will Ferrell: Now guess what?
Will Ferrell: I'm going to shit that
monkey out of my ass.
Will Ferrell: Grrr.
John C. Reilly: (spits) I'm a little
monkey. (laughs)
Will Ferrell: I'm going to eat
you up again. (laughs)
Will Ferrell: I've got an appetite
for monkeys, Rrrr,
Will Ferrell: all day long.
Will Ferrell: I eat and shit monkeys
all day long
Will Ferrell: because I'm the king
of the beasts.
Will Ferrell: Rrrrr.
Will Ferrell: Thus is the cycle
of life. Rrrrr.
John C. Reilly: (spits) I'm a little
monkey. (laughs)
Will Ferrell: Rrrrr.
John C. Reilly: (laughs)
Will Ferrell: Rrrr.
John C. Reilly: (laughs)
Male Voiceover: Funny or Die Presents
Male Voiceover: premieres Friday at
midnight only on HBO.

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