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John and Will's Animal Choices is one of the best new shows around and you can check... more »
Published January 13, 2011 1.1m views More Info »

1

Voiceover: This season
on Funny or Die Presents.

2

John: (sigh)

3

Will: Hey, John. What are you doing?

4

John: I'm thinking about something.

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Will: Can you share it with me?

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John: I'm trying to decide what kind

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of animal I would be if
I could be an animal.

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Will: That's what everyone's thinking.

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John: Let's just both think out loud.

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Will: What sort of animal we'd like to be.

11

John: Exactly.

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Will: Okay.

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Both: Rhinocerous, Aardverger,

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Fraw Robin, L'Ocelot.

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John: Snake.

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Baby Snake.

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Will: Horse. Pony.

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John: A mouse with a pouch.

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Will: Any sort of fish.

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John: Zebra.

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Will: Zebra.

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John: No, I said Zebra.

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Will: Zebra.

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John: (sigh) Are you
going to say the animal?

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Will: Don't say it.

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John: Phew. Baboon

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Will: Barbara, the name Barbara.

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John: We're not getting anywhere.

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Will: It's literally the
hardest thing I've ever done.

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John: I know.

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John: Ahhh.

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Will: Ahh.

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John: Arrrh.

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Will: Arrrh.

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John: Roar.

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Will: Roar.

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(jungle music)

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John: I'm a monkey.

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I'm a little, little monkey.

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I like to jump around.

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I like to look down from my high up

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on the tree post. Arrh.

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I like to eat fruit,
um, um, a little monkey.

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Will: I'm a lion and I eat monkeys.

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Will: Rrrrr.

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It's the only thing I love is monkey meat.

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Will: Rrrrr.

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And I love when they cry
when they're in my teeth.

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Will: Rrrrr.

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Johh: What purpose does the sandbag serve?

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Will: I want to be a cheetah.

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Are the bars necessary?

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Male: It's called being keyed out.

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Will: And we're in an animated world?

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Male 1: Yes.

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Male 2: You're the animals.

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The animal world is behind you.

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You have to be very steady.

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Will: Okay.

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John: Couldn't we have something
that was the same color

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that wasn't 15 pounds?

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Will: Yeah, like a piece of
paper that would just ...

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Male 1: You know what happens then?

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It sags.

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John: All right.

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Will: Ow.

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John: Should we take a run at it?

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Voiceover: And action.

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Will: Now guess what?

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I'm going to shit that
monkey out of my ass.

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Grrr.

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John: (spits) I'm a
little monkey. (laughs)

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Will: I'm going to eat
you up again. (laughs)

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Will: I've got an appetite
for monkeys, Rrrr,

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all day long.

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I eat and shit monkeys all day long

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because I'm the king of the beasts.

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Rrrrr.

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Thus is the cycle of life. Rrrrr.

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John: (spits) I'm a
little monkey. (laughs)

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Will: Rrrrr.

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John: (laughs)

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Will: Rrrr.

84

John: (laughs)

85

Voiceover: Funny or Die Presents

86

premieres Friday at midnight only on HBO.

Up Next:

Good Cop, Baby Cop

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