100% of male experts agree: nobody knows more about women's issues like birth... more »

Full Credits

Starring: Tim Meadows, Nick Offerman, Kurtwood Smith, Ray Wise, Judd Nelson, Corey Stoll, Steven Hack, Brian Flaherty, and Mike DischWritten and Directed by Alex FernieProducer: Ally HordDP: Marcus MacDougaldGaffer/2nd camera: Luca Del PuppoSound: Steve Pallow for BoTown SoundHair/MU: Genevieve LambPA: Becca ScheuerEditor: Dave Patton


(theme music)
Voiceover: Exclusive
(busted light sound)
Male: Women's reproductive
health is an important issue.
Male: And it's crucial that we have
a serious conversation about it.
Male: Contraception, birth
control, planned parenthood.
Male: We need to speak out
about these important concerns.
Male: You might say, "Wait,
there's something about all of you"
"that seems very similar to one another."
Male: You're right, there is.
We're all experts on
women's reproductive health.
Male: We're qualified to be an expert
on women's reproductive health.
I'm a 59 year old man.
Male: And late middle aged men
know the most about everything.
Male: Obviously, our opinion on
what non-men do with their bodies
are very important and valid.
Male: Back in my day, women just
put an Aspirin between their knees
and that worked just fine.
Male: We also burnt sage
to ward off evil spirits
and thought Asian people
had the power of flight.
Male: Those were the days.
Male: If you need proof of my expertise,
here's a list of words I know.
Male: Vaginal.
Male: Pudenda.
Male: Mons pubis.
Male: Squirter.
Male: Ovaries.
Male: Quem.
Male: Fallopian tubes.
Male: Bush.
Male: Pubis.
I'm practically a doctor.
Male: Oh, clitoris.
Male: I touch the vagina once.
Right before I got kicked
out of the strip club.
So yeah, I think I know
what I'm talking about here.
Male: Oral contraception
is bad, plain and simple.
Why? Because I don't understand
how it works and science scares me.
Male: God wouldn't have
given women tummy pockets
if he didn't want babies
swimming around in them.
Male: That's why we chose to speak up.
I believe that you'll find
all relevant points of view
to be adequately represented.
Male: Some of us believe that
women should not be able to
easily obtain birth control.
Male: And others of us believe women
shouldn't be able to get it at all.
Male: It's a broad spectrum.
Male: It's just the women don't know
the first thing about their own health.
That's why there are no women doctors
but they're good at other things.
Like poetry and real estate.
Male: Why don't we ask
a woman what she thinks?
Because she would faint from the stress.
Male: Also it's a well-known scientific
fact that women don't show up on camera
that's why Shakespeare had
men play all the female roles.
Male: Any women who get angry
about us making all these decisions
are probably just on their period.
Male: Definitely on their period.
Male: Gross.
Male: So women don't you
worry of pretty little heads.
Male: We got this.
Male: We thought long and
hard about the bodies.
Male: And I'm pretty sure
we know what's best for you.
Male: Trust us.
Male: Trust us.
Men: Trust us.
Male: Trust us.
Men: We're experts.
Male: Vaginas.