Aziz Ansari: I was in a relationship for a few years, and I think in the time I was in the relationship all dating communication went exclusively to text. You can't call anybody anymore. If you call someone they're like 'what? are you on fire? then quit wasting my time! Text me that sh*t!'
Aziz Ansari: And I don't like texting people, especially girls. There's always miscommunication that happens. This is a situation I get into all the time. I'll text a girl, she texts me back right away. I text her back right away, she texts me back right away, I text her back right away, she texts me back right away, I text her back right away, she texts me back right away, then I'll say something like alright cool, so you wanna get pizza on Tuesday? And then I don't hear anything! And I'm like what just happened? I know you read that sh*t! You responded to twenty other things I just said. What? Do you not like me anymore? You don't have two seconds to say yes I wanna get pizza or no I don't wanna get pizza? What? Did you check your phone into a locker and go ride a roller coaster for a few hours? What's the deal?!
Aziz Ansari: And after a few hours of no response, I get real upset. And I just wanna send a text that says something like: well just who just got uninvited to the pizza party? You did, cause I hate you now.
Aziz Ansari: A girl always writes something back sorry I was at my niece's ballet recital, we had to turn off our phones. Whatever! We're done! I finished that pizza hours ago! I went with my friend Brian. He's nice to me!