How I Seize It #49: "The Economy"

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How I Seize It

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Hey!
This here's Loretta Jenkins
and somebody toss me a sawbuck or a valium
cause they done raised the price on Coors Light.
So I'm takin' action and you're investin'
so I can keep on bringing you these quality-ish
but always free How I Seize Its.
Well I reckon the silver lining is at least now
I can justify raisin' the rents on some
of them unsavory blue-haireds,
sell the trailer park to them China investors
and I can hire me up a couple more of the Mexicans
to do all the work I can't get no white people to do.
That's called social commentary, y'all.
I don't know if y'all notice, but the ecomony is bad.
Last month, I had to let two of my renters
pay with Camel Cash.
But I was really alright with that since I'd done ruined
my Camel tank top when I got caught in the bathroom
at the bowling alley with no toilet paper.
My best friend Billie in junior high,
she started her period, ironically IN first period,
and then she had to use an old nasty tube sock
she found up under the bleachers.
And I told everybody and she friend-broke up with me,
and now she a CEO millionaire inventor of Maxipads or somethin'
and I run this shit dirt trailer park.
Y'all, the economy is depressin'.
Pop a cap for even thinkin' it,
but oughtn't we get Jimmy Carter back up in this bitch?
Wasn't gas just about a doller back when he was in office?
(burp)
Now I'm gonna lighten y'all up on some fiscal issues here
Suzie Orman-like, except without that lesbian hair-do.
Now y'all listen to this!
Cause even the most ignorant of you
dumb fucks out there gonna get this.
So, Freddie Mac and his old broad Fannie Mac-
May Mac?
Fanny...pack?
Him and this bitch is like a Bonnie Jekyll Clyde
and I guess pull a fast one
like set up some Fonzi schemes...
and I guess they raise the price on a school loan
or a house or somethin'
and it trickle on down to the poo
cause ain't nobody kept up with the minimum wage...
And now Social Security? Well...
It just dried up like old cactus pussy.
just like the jobs that Bush-Clinton-Bush
ship off to the Injuns!
And that is why you got to talk to a Muslim accent
everytime you needa talk to customer service!
And then we talks rude to them
and they throw planes at us
and then it's just awkward.
Sell your family. Protect your assets.
Cause sooner and later the stock market's gonna crash
and you know what happens after that?
Polio.
But I being a true American of sound mind,
even thought I was borned up in Canader,
has been dreaming of a better life.
Cause of the face I really don't understand
why shit gotta cost anything anyways, does y'all?
According to the bible, it all started with the Jews,
but they all got lawyers and shit.
In a Utopian society, wouldn't everything
just be nothin' for nothin'.
You could get free liquor and cigarettes
or a handful of brand name Oxycontin
or a pound of heroin or whatever your pleasure
and everyday just be a weekend.
Now them is good campaign promises
Let's do some debatin' on that shit.
Who says we gots to work and gots to pay bills
and have debts and layaways and spreadsheets
and office of treasuries just cause
war's all about power and money and
all the Donald Trumps of the world
thinkin' they owns everything!
Hey, I just say we all come over and live
in my magical, economy-less universe
and just forget all this old world nonsense.
There! Poof and wonderment!
No more economy,
no more economic problems.
And that's How I Seize It.
Y'all still sends money though
cause I still ain't convinced that manage
of the Sak-N-Sudz of my manifesto yet.
Alright. We good?
Alright.