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This week's Throwing Shade is so confusing it will bruise your brain. First, Rick... more »
Published June 17, 2014 82k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

(ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

(BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

(ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

(BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES AND POLITICS,

6

(ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

(BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH

8

LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

9

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

10

I HAVE A VERY
INTERESTING CONUNDRUM

11

FOR YOU--

12

- OH...

13

- AND I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'LL KNOW THE ANSWER TO IT.

14

IF WE WERE TO DO A
RE-MAKE OF THE

15

BANGER SISTERS.
BANGER SISTERS 2.

16

OK.

17

(ERIN): WOULD YOU BE
GOLDIE HAWN?

18

(BRYAN): I THINK I WOULD
HAVE TO BE BECAUSE

19

I THINK YOU WOULD
DEFINITELY BE...

20

(TOGETHER): SUSAN SARANDON.

21

SO I THINK I WOULD
BE GOLDIE HAWN.

22

BUT I FEEL LIKE WE'RE
JUST A TAD BIT DIFFERENT.

23

I AGREE. IN THAT SUSAN
SARANDON IS SORT

24

OF THE STRAIGHT MAN...

25

YEAH.

26

AND GOLDIE HAWN IS
THE GOOFBALL--

27

THE GOOFY. ALCOHOLIC?

28

WE'RE BOTH THOSE
THINGS.

29

WE'RE BOTH GOOFY
ALCOHOLICS.

30

- WE'RE BOTH...
- YEAH.

31

WE'RE BOTH ALCOHOLICS
WHO PUT ON GOOFY MASKS

32

AND HANG OUT LIKE
NO BIG WHOOP.

33

BUT SOMETIMES WE'RE THE
SERIOUS STRAIGHT MAN.

34

YEAH.

35

ERIN, WE WERE IN NEW YORK
AND PHILADELPHIA

36

THIS WEEKEND.

37

WE WERE IN
NEW YORK CITY.

38

WE WERE.

39

(ERIN GIGGLES)

40

- VERY FANCY.
- SO RAINY AND SEXY.

41

I FELT LIKE I WAS IN AN
AFTER MIDNIGHT OR

42

BEFORE MIDNIGHT MOVIE.

43

OH YEAH.

44

I FELL LIKE IT WAS ME
AND ETHAN HAWKE AGAINST

45

THE WORLD.

46

I FELT LIKE I WAS IN
PERMANENT MIDNIGHT.

47

- OOH YEAH.
- YEAH.

48

IT WAS REALLY--

49

NO BUT THERE WAS A
THUNDERSTORM, AND

50

WE HAVEN'T HAD A
T-STORM IN LA IN...

51

GOD. I REALLY CAN
ONLY DEAL WITH T-ZONES.

52

YEAH. WHAT'S LED? IS THAT A--

53

IT'S A LIGHT. IT'S A
TYPE OF LIGHT.

54

I KNOW, BUT WHY
DO THEY SAY LED TV?

55

OR IS THAT NOT
A THING?

56

IT'S THE TYPE OF
LIGHT, OK--

57

WHY DON'T THEY
JUST DO HDTV?

58

SD AND HD ARE
THE WAY--

59

HOLD ON.

60

SD IS STANDARD DEF.

61

(TOGETHER): HD IS
HIGH DEF.

62

BUT IT HAS TO DO
WITH HOW YOU--

63

MD IS MOST DEF?

64

- YEAH, OR MEDICAL
DOCTOR.
- RIGHT.

65

IT'S HOW YOU FILM
THE THING. SO YOU COULD

66

VIEW SD ON A HD TV,
AND IT LOOKS SHITTY--

67

RIGHT. I'VE DONE THAT.

68

BUT LED IS THE ACTUAL
TECHNOLOGY OF THE LIGHT

69

WHERE IT'S GOING FROM
THE TV TO YOUR EYEBALL.

70

AND SD/HD--

71

YOU KNOW WHY DO THEY
ADVERTISE THAT, BECAUSE

72

NO ONE CARES.

73

YEAH PEOPLE, I
THINK DO CARE.

74

NOBODY CARES.

75

ALL THE BILLBOARDS
ARE LED NOW.

76

THE BILLBOARDS
OUTSIDE?

77

THE ELECTRONIC
BILLBOARDS ARE ALL

78

LED BILLBOARDS.

79

NO, I MEAN FINE, BUT
LIKE WHO CARES.

80

IF SOMEONE TOLD ME--

81

LIGHT BULB COMPANIES CARE.

82

WELL...

83

ALL THE EDISON...

84

I THINK WE NEED TO GO
BACK TO EDISON BULBS.

85

I DO TOO. I DO TOO.
YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE

86

TELLS ME LIKE OH THIS
TV HAS LED. I'M LIKE

87

WELL, WHATEVER FINE.
I MEAN WHO CARES--

88

YEAH BUT YOU DON'T
CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF ANYWAY--

89

I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND
OF LIGHT BULB IS IN THAT TV.

90

YOUR TV STILL HAS
THE CLICK-CLICK WHEEL.

91

DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT AT THIS POINT

92

I HAVE SO MANY
REMOTES ON MY GROUND

93

THAT I CAN'T EVEN SEE
MY FLOOR ANY LONGER?

94

YEAH.

95

I HAVE APPROXIMATELY
85 REMOTE CONTROLS.

96

AND WHEN YOU STEP,
IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING

97

GOES OFF AND ON.
WHEN YOU STEP TO THE KITCHEN.

98

THERE'S NEVER BEEN
ONE THING OFF IN MY

99

APARTMENT. THAT IS
EXACTLY WHY MY ELECTRIC

100

BILL IS $500
DOLLARS A DAY.

101

THAT'S WHY.

102

WHAT DOES MOVIES USE?

103

BUT WHAT DO THEY
DO FOR LED?

104

- OH THE SCREENS?
- YEAH.

105

IT'S A PROJECTOR.

106

OH THAT'S SO...
(LAUGHS) OH MY GOD...

107

I WISH I COULD
SAY THAT THIS

108

CONVERSATION
WAS A JOKE.

109

IT'S NOT.

110

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY
NOT A JOKE.

111

YEAH.

112

- WE WOULD BE THE BEST
TIME TRAVELERS--
- YEP.

113

--BECAUSE YOU COULD
DO THE BUTTONS,

114

AND THEN I COULD
SAY WHERE WE ARE.

115

I WOULD DO ALL THE
TECHNOLOGY ON HOW

116

TO GET US BACK AND
FORTH IN TIME, BECAUSE

117

I'VE ALREADY DONE IT.

118

YEAH.

119

I PATENTED IT SO
DON'T TRY TO FUCKING

120

STEAL IT SOCIETY.

121

IT'S NOT FOR YOU
IT'S FOR ME.

122

YEAH. I'M NOT
DOING THIS...

123

EVERYONE'S GOTTEN
SO SELFISH--

124

I'M NOT DOING THIS
TESLA SHIT WHERE

125

I'M GIVING AWAY MY
PATENTS. WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.

126

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS, BUT I--

127

HE'S GIVING AWAY
HIS PATENTS.

128

TESLA?

129

- ELON MUSK MY FAVORITE PARFUMERIE.
- UH HUH.

130

HE'S GIVING AWAY
HIS PATENTS.

131

TO TESLA?

132

NO HE HAS TESLA.

133

OOH. WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN? EVERY ONE KNOWS

134

HOW TO MAKE A CAR.

135

WELL, I KNOW IT'S NOT
IMPRESSIVE WITH WHAT

136

YOU'RE SAYING--

137

I THINK HE'S THINKING
HE'S GOT THE CURE

138

FOR RABIES--

139

IS TESLA THE SAME
AS FIAT? AND THAT'S A

140

SERIOUS QUESTION.

141

NO THAT'S A
SEPARATE COMPANY.

142

TESLA ONLY DOES
ELECTRONIC CARS--

143

TESLA'S A PERSON?

144

ELECTRONIC RACE
CARS. OR FAST CARS.

145

I DON'T CARE, I MEAN
AS FAR AS--

146

HE DOES TRACY
CHAPMAN FAST CAR--

147

OOH...

148

THAT WAS HIS INSPIRATION
FOR THE TESLA

149

FOR THE TESLA?

150

YOU KNOW WHAT,
THEY CAN RIDE AROUND

151

THAT DOUGHNUT ALL
THEY WANT.

152

ALL THEY WANT.

153

IT'S GOOD FOR NOBODY.

154

WELL I THINK WE FIGURED
OUT, WE'RE GOING TOGETHER--

155

BANGER SISTERS...

156

--ON BANGER SISTERS, LED, TESLA--

157

TV'S.

158

--TV'S, TIME MACHINE TRAVEL--

159

YEAH.

160

--AND THAT'S IT, SO UH,
READY TO BE A BILLIONAIRE?

161

162

AM I EXCITED TO BE
TALKING ABOUT TEXAS

163

TWO WEEKS IN A
ROW? MAYBE--

164

YEAH.

165

I AM, IT'S OUR HOME STATE.

166

AND TACOS...

167

THE FIRST PART OF
THIS IS LATTER WEEK

168

NEWS, AND UH...

169

IT'S OLD NEWS.

170

UH-HUH. AND THE 2ND
PART OF THIS IS BRAND NEWS.

171

IT'S THE FIRST RUNG
OF THE LADDER.

172

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

173

RICK PERRY WHO
IS SOMEHOW--

174

(ERIN): OH MY HERO.

175

(BRYAN): --SOMEHOW
STILL AROUND.

176

SOMEHOW AFTER THAT
HUMILIATING LAST PRIMARY

177

HE'S STILL A
POLITICAL FIGURE.

178

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY SAY ABOUT POLITICIANS?

179

CAN'T WAIT.

180

IF YOU HAVE ALL OF
YOUR HAIR, YOU'RE IN

181

THE CLEAR.

182

WELL THEN YOU KNOW--

183

IF YOU'RE BALD GET
THE FUCK OUT.

184

YEAH. IN CASE YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT

185

HE SAID LAST WEEK--

186

I'M SAYING HE'S
HANDSOME SO HE'S

187

TRICKED EVERYBODY.

188

HE'S VERY HANDSOME.

189

YEAH, JUST WANT TO BE
CLEAR ABOUT THE DIG

190

THAT I'M PUTTING
ON HIM.

191

HE'S HANDSOME IN SORT
OF LIKE, IT WOULDN'T

192

SHOCK ME IF I WATCHED
SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

193

AGAIN AND HE WAS LIKE
IN THE BACKGROUND.

194

OH NO, NOT AT ALL.

195

LIKE IT WOULD BE LIKE,
THAT MAKES SENSE.

196

LAST WEEK I SPOKE
ABOUT THE TEXAS GOP

197

PLATFORM, AND HOW
THEY CONDONE GAY

198

REPARATIVE THERAPY IN
THEIR PLATFORM, AND

199

HOW RIDICULOUS IT IS.
SO RICK PERRY WENT ON

200

TO DEFEND THAT AT A
PLACE CALLED THE COMMONWEALTH

201

CLUB OF CALIFORNIA.
TRIPLE C--

202

- OH HE WAS HERE?
- HE WAS HERE.

203

FIRST IT JUST SAID CCC,
AND I THOUGHT

204

WHY WOULD ANYONE
SPEAK AT CALIFORNIA

205

CHICKEN CAFE, BUT
IT'S NONE OF MY

206

FUCKING BUSINESS.

207

OH YEAH, I WAS
THINKING IT WAS AT

208

C AND C CALIFORNIA. THOSE
TANK TOPS THAT THEY

209

SELL AT MACY'S.

210

OR C AND C MUSIC FACTORY.
I THOUGHT HE JOINED C AND C.

211

THE FIRST THING I
THOUGHT WAS HE

212

JOINED C AND C MUSIC FACTORY?

213

WHICH HE COULD DO BECAUSE
YOU KNOW THEY DO LIP SYNCING.

214

THEY DO.

215

SO THEY COULD'VE
MADE HIM SOUND LIKE--

216

HE COULD NOW BE
THE VOICE OF

217

(SINGS) THINGS THAT
MAKE YOU GO...

218

(TOGETHER): HMM

219

AND WE WOULDN'T KNOW.

220

NO.

221

SO HERE'S WHAT HE SAID.

222

RATHER OR NOT YOU FEEL
COMPELLED TO FOLLOW

223

A PARTICULAR
LIFESTYLE OR NOT--

224

COMPELLED OK. SO IT'S A
CHOICE, YEAH.

225

COMPELLED. YOU HAVE THE
ABILITY TO DECIDE NOT TO DO THAT.

226

I MAY HAVE THE GENETIC
CODING THAT I'M

227

INCLINED TO BE AN
ALCOHOLIC, BUT I HAVE

228

THE DESIRE NOT TO DO
THAT, AND I LOOK

229

AT THE HOMOSEXUAL
ISSUE THE SAME WAY.

230

FIRST OF ALL, FALSE I BET
YOU DRINK YOURSELF

231

SILLY EVERY NIGHT.

232

UH, TOTALLY. AND UM,
JUST COMPARING MAI TAI

233

TO A GAY PERSON IS--

234

YEAH.

235

--IT'S OFFENSIVE.

236

IT'S SO OFFENSIVE--

237

BUT TRUE. I MEAN LIKE
FOR INSTANCE, GAY

238

BARS IN CASE NO ONE
ELSE KNOWS, THERE'S

239

NO ALCOHOL THERE
BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY.

240

SO YOU JUST GO.

241

YOU CAN'T DOUBLE DIP.

242

NO YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE
IF YOU'RE GAY AND

243

YOU DRINK, IT JUST MEANS
LIKE YOU KNOW,

244

GAY IS LIKE BEING AN
ALCOHOLIC, AND ALCOHOL

245

FOR AN ALCOHOLIC.
I MEAN--

246

YEAH. IT'S LIKE SMOKING
AND BEING

247

A LESBIAN.

248

EXACTLY.

249

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

250

NO, BUT YEAH. RICK PERRY
WENT ON CNBC,

251

AND HE WAS ASKED
BY JOE KERNEN...

252

(JOE): YOU WOULDN'T THINK
THAT SOMEONE WHO

253

IS HETEROSEXUAL THAT YOU
COULDN'T CHANGE

254

THEM INTO A HOMOSEXUAL
OR SOMEONE WHO IS

255

HOMOSEXUAL, YOU DON'T
THINK THERE SHOULD BE

256

THERAPY TO TRY TO
CHANGE THEM INTO A

257

HETEROSEXUAL.

258

NO I DON'T KNOW.
THE FACT IS WE'LL LEAVE

259

THAT TO THE PSYCHOLOGISTS
AND THE

260

DR.'S AND STUFF.

261

(JOE): THE PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY,

262

THEY'VE ALREADY
WEIGHED IN. THEY'VE

263

DISMISSED THE IDEA THAT
SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS

264

A MENTAL DISORDER...

265

AND PSYCHOLOGISTS AND
DR.'S HAVE SAID THAT

266

IT DOESN'T WORK.

267

LITERALLY THE
AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC

268

ASSOCIATION HAS SAID
THIS DOES NOT WORK.

269

LOOK AT CATERPILLARS.

270

GREAT ARGUMENT.

271

WELL JUST CATERPILLARS
CAN LIKE,

272

IF YOU CUT THEM IN
HALF THEY'LL REGENERATE?

273

I DON'T THINK THAT'S
TRUE AT ALL.

274

IT'LL FUCK ITSELF
WHILE IT'S DOING IT.

275

DEFINITELY NOT TRUE.

276

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

277

SO THAT'S LIKE A WHAT?

278

THAT'S LIKE UM,
I'M SAYING NATURE--

279

THAT'S LIKE--

280

IF NATURE DOES WEIRD STUFF--

281

OH.

282

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

283

OK.

284

NATURE DOES REAL COOL
STUFF. NATURE'S LIKE

285

OUTSIDE OF THE
BOX THINKING.

286

AND SO WHY CAN'T THAT
BE TRUE FOR HUMANS?

287

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- GREAT...

288

I DON'T LIKE BEING NORMAL.
IT'S BORING.

289

YOU'RE NOT.

290

SO AGAIN, IT'S
UNFORTUNATE, REALLY IS IT

291

UNFORTUNATE, BUT THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY

292

IS AT THIS POINT LIGHT
YEARS BEHIND EVERY

293

ONE ELSE WHEN IT
COMES TO AN ISSUE

294

LIKE THIS.

295

SO PERRY WENT ON TO
SAY I DON'T CONDONE

296

THAT LIFESTYLE,
I DON'T CONDEMN IT

297

EITHER. THE FACT IS
THAT PEOPLE WILL

298

DECIDE WHERE THEY
WANT TO LIVE IF

299

WASHINGTON WILL
RESPECT THE 10TH

300

AMENDMENT...

301

WHICH BASICALLY MEANS
LIKE LET'S LEAVE THIS

302

TO THE STATES, AND
PEOPLE CAN LIVE WHEREVER

303

THERE'S GAY MARRIAGE
LEGAL IN THE STATES.

304

THAT'S A FUN ARGUMENT
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE LIKE

305

A GAY KID--

306

MM-HMM.

307

--AND YOU'RE BEING
GAY BASHED AT SCHOOL

308

ALL YOU DO IS--

309

IT'S SO EASY.

310

--YOU GRAB YOUR
FUCKING HOBO WITH YOUR--

311

THAT'S IT.

312

--LEGOS AND TRANSFORMERS.

313

SO EASY. JUST TELL
YOUR PARENTS GO GET

314

NEW CAREERS--

315

YEAH.

316

--IN A BRAND NEW STATE.

317

HI GUYS, IT'S VERY
EASY TO FIX THIS.

318

WE HAVE TO RUN
AWAY FROM IT.

319

YEAH, AND HE SAYS THAT
IF WE DO THAT AMERICA WILL

320

BE SUBSTANTIALLY HAPPIER.

321

MM... I DISAGREE
WITH HIM.

322

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
LIVING IN A PLACE YOU

323

DON'T WANT TO BE.

324

BUT LET ME SAY THIS.

325

I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN,
MY MIND HAS BEEN

326

CHANGED, BECAUSE
I READ AN ARTICLE,

327

I DON'T KNOW WHERE,
WHATEVER--

328

WHO CARES.

329

--NPR SLASH NEW YORK
TIMES SLASH LA TIMES, WHATEVER

330

ONE OF THOSE 3, ABOUT
THE IMPORTANCE OF

331

DIFFERENT PEOPLE
LIVING IN THE

332

NEIGHBORHOODS YOU KNOW,
TOGETHER LIKE

333

ARCADE FIRE
NEIGHBORHOODS, AND

334

YOU HAVE TO WORK SHIT
OUT, BECAUSE IF YOU LIVE

335

IN A PART OF THE WORLD,
OR YOU LIVE IN

336

A CITY KIND OF LIKE LA
AND EVERYONE IS KIND

337

OF JUST LIKE AGREES ON
THE SAME STUFF THERE'S NO--

338

CHANCE FOR CHANGE.

339

--THERE'S NO CHANCE
FOR CHANGE.

340

THANK YOU.

341

I WOULD SAY THAT MOST
PEOPLE WOULD AGREE

342

THAT GAY PEOPLE
ARE BORN THIS WAY.

343

I REALLY LOOK FORWARD
TO A DAY WHERE

344

WE JUST DON'T HAVE
TO SAY THAT ANYMORE.

345

I THINK THAT IT'S
SO AWFUL.

346

IS THAT YOU'RE SICK
OF THE SONG?

347

BECAUSE IT ALMOST
SEEMS LIKE--

348

BECAUSE I'M SICK OF
THE SONG, AND IT

349

ALMOST SEEMS LIKE
SOME WEIRD EXCUSE

350

FOR SOMETHING LIKE,
I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

351

TO ME WHAT IT IMPLIES
IS I CAN'T HELP IT.

352

I WILL ALSO SAY, PEOPLE
HAVE KIND OF

353

LIKE CALLED OFF THE DOGS
ON HILARY CLINTON

354

RECENTLY FOR THAT
INTERVIEW THAT SHE

355

DID WITH TERRY GROSS,
WHERE TERRY GROSS

356

SAID LIKE, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND, SHE SAID

357

IT NICER THAN THIS, BUT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND

358

WHY IT TOOK YOU SO
LONG TO EVOLVE ON GAY

359

MARRIAGE. DID YOU NOT
SPEAK UP BECAUSE YOU

360

THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD
POLITICAL MOVE OR

361

BECAUSE YOU GENUINELY
WERE TRYING TO EVOLVE.

362

AND HILLARY CLINTON,
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO

363

SAY ERUPTED, BUT GOT
SNAPPY, AND WAS LIKE

364

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THIS. I SUPPORT GAY

365

MARRIAGE. I DON'T
KNOW WHY THIS IS SUCH

366

A BIG DEAL. I GET WHAT
YOU'RE GUNNING

367

FOR, AND THAT'S NOT
THE CASE, AND BLAH-BLAH...

368

EITHER WAY THE ANSWER

369

IS BAD. YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?

370

AND ALSO GOOD. EITHER
WAY THE RESULT IS SHE

371

SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE,
AND THAT'S

372

DEFINITELY MORE THAN
YOU CAN SAY FOR

373

SOMEONE WHO, A PARTY
THAT HAS NO PROBLEM

374

WITH SOMEONE COMPARING
IT TO ALCOHOLISM.

375

LET'S TAKE WHAT WE CAN GET.

376

AND I'LL TAKE AN
ALCOHOLIC PARTY ANYTIME.

377

OK.

378

379

BRYAN, OK THERE'S THIS
THING CALLED E3

380

AND IT'S NOT THAT
LIQUID STUFF THAT,

381

THAT LIQUID
CHLOROPHYLL STUFF

382

THAT YOU GET AT EARTH--

383

I KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S
THE GREEN STUFF YOU

384

GET AT LIKE, UH, EARTH
CAFE, OR LIKE A

385

JUICE PLACE, AND YOU
TAKE A SHOT OF IT.

386

- YES, IT IS THAT--
- ALGAE.

387

--BUT IT'S ALSO A
CONVENTION FOR GAMERS.

388

OOH YEAH.

389

IT'S LIKE THE UPFRONTS
FOR VIDEO GAMES.

390

SO THE E3 CONVENTION,
YOU KNOW THEY'RE TALKING

391

ABOUT VIDEO GAMES,
AND YOU WON'T BE

392

SURPRISED BY THIS FACT.
THERE WAS A VERY

393

LARGE DEARTH OF
FEMALE REPRESENTATION.

394

THERE WERE VERY FEW
NEW VIDEO GAMES WITH

395

FEMALE CHARACTERS.

396

GOT YA.

397

YEAH. ASSASSIN'S CREED--

398

IT'S LIKE THE BAND
HUNTING DOWN THE WIZARD

399

OR WHATEVER.

400

YES. IT'S EVERYONE FROM CREED.

401

THIS IS REALLY THEIR
SAVING GRACE--

402

YEAH.

403

--THESE PAST COUPLE
OF YEARS THESE

404

ASSASSIN CREEDS,
CREED VIDEOS.

405

YOU CHOOSE TO BE
THE ONE WITH THE LONG HAIR,

406

OR ANY OF THE
OTHER ONES.

407

THEY ALL LOOK THE
SAME, SO YOU REALLY

408

JUST DESCRIBED THE
WHOLE BAND, BUT YEAH,

409

YOU DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY
GET A TANK TOP.

410

YEAH.

411

I KNOW THAT FOR SURE.

412

YEP.

413

TANK TOP AND JEANS.

414

AND A RUDE TOOTH.

415

SO THE ASSASSIN'S CREED
NEW GAME TAKES

416

PLACE DURING THE
FRENCH REVOLUTIONARY

417

WAR. THE COMPANY THAT
MAKES IT IS CALLED UBISOFT.

418

OH, I LIKE THAT.

419

OR UBEE-SOFT?

420

YEAH.

421

UB40.

422

- YEAH.
- YEAH, EXACTLY.

423

RED RED WINE.

424

I LOVE THAT DRINK,
AND I LOVE THAT SONG.

425

IS THAT THE SONG
THAT'S PLAYING

426

WHILE YOU DO
FRENCH REVOLUTION?

427

YEAH.

428

I READ SOMETHING
RECENTLY THAT "RED

429

RED WINE" HAS BEEN IN
THE TOP TEN REGGAE

430

SONGS ON THE CHARTS
SINCE IT CAME OUT.

431

I CAN'T THINK OF A
BETTER THING THAT

432

WHITE PEOPLE HAVE DONE
WHEN APPROPRIATING

433

ANOTHER CULTURE'S
SONG THAN THAT RIGHT THERE.

434

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

435

THAT KIND OF MUSIC.

436

DURING COOPERATIVE
MODE WHICH IS WHERE

437

YOU CAN PLAY WITH
OTHER PEOPLE.

438

- MM-HMM.
- MAKES SENSE.

439

IT'S NOT WHERE YOU BUY
AN APARTMENT AND

440

EVERYBODY HAS TO PAY
FOR THE ROOF--

441

OH I KNOW IT.
IT'S A CO-OP.

442

CLOSED TO THAT YEAH.

443

YEAH.

444

IT SHOWS 4 ASSASSINS
WORKING TOGETHER

445

TO ELIMINATE THEIR TARGETS.
WHEN ASKED IF

446

PLAYERS WOULD BE ABLE
TO CHOOSE A FEMALE

447

ASSASSIN UBISOFT SAID
THEY WON'T, THEY WOULDN'T

448

BECAUSE CREATING FEMALE
CHARACTERS WOULD

449

REQUIRE TOO MUCH
ADDITIONAL WORK.

450

THE GUY WHO'S THE HEAD
OF UBISOFT SAID,

451

AND I MEAN IT'S
SOMETHING THE TEAM

452

REALLY WANTED BUT WE
HAD TO MAKE A DECISION.

453

SO THEY WERE SAYING
THAT IN ORDER TO MAKE

454

A FEMALE CHARACTER IT
ESTIMATED THAT MORE

455

THAN 8,000 ANIMATIONS
WOULD HAVE TO BE

456

RECREATED ON A
DIFFERENT SKELETON.

457

SO YOU COULD EXPECT
THAT IT WILL HAPPEN

458

EVENTUALLY IN THE BRAND.

459

I'VE NEVER HEARD
ANYONE SAY EVENTUALLY

460

TO ME AND THEN IT
COME TRUE.

461

EVER.

462

IF EVENTUALLY ACTUALLY
HAPPENED THEY

463

WOULD'VE DONE THELMA
AND LOUISE 2 AND THEY

464

WOULD'VE BOUNCED
BACK FROM IT.

465

OH, YEAH. YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

466

THAT'S THE LAMEST
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

467

I KNOW, WELL HERE'S
WHAT ELSE IS FUNNY

468

ABOUT IT.

469

THE CREATIVE DIRECTOR
FOR THE ORIGINAL

470

ASSASSIN'S CREED,
PATRICE DESILETS,

471

HE SAID IT'S TRUE, IF
YOU DO A BIG GIANT

472

CHARACTER AND A SMALL
CHARACTER, OR A WOMAN

473

AND A GUY, IT'S DIFFERENT,
BUT THAT

474

SHOULDN'T STOP YOU
WITH ALL THE TIME,

475

MONEY, AND PEOPLE ON
THAT PROJECT YOU

476

COULD'VE DONE IT.

477

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT,
I DON'T BLAME THEM.

478

REALLY ONLY BECAUSE OF
THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.

479

WHY WOULD I EVER TAKE
A ROAD WHERE THERE'S A WEED.

480

RIGHT. I MEAN AND ALSO
I FEEL IF YOU THINK

481

ABOUT IT, WHEN YOU TAKE
THE ROAD THAT YOU'RE

482

ARROGANTLY GOING ON
THEN YOU WOULDN'T

483

DISCOVER AMERICA.

484

OH, I LOVE THAT.

485

RIGHT.

486

I'LL NEVER FORGET WHEN
COLUMBUS FOUND

487

THAT PAVEMENT, AND
JUST TOOK THAT ROAD

488

ALL THE WAY THERE.

489

WELL THAT'S WHEN YOU
FOUND OUT THAT THE

490

NINA, MARIA AND SANTA MARIA--

491

UH, SURE.

492

--HOW WHEN THEY GO ON
LAND, THERE'S ACTUALLY

493

A FULL WHEEL SYSTEM.

494

YEAH, THEY WHEELED--

495

IT'S LIKE A PARADE THING.

496

THEY WHEELED THOSE SHIPS.

497

YEAH.

498

THOSE SHIPS HAD WHEELS
AND THEY JUST WERE LIKE

499

OH I GUESS WE DON'T
NEED THESE.

500

YEAH THAT'S--

501

LET'S EASE ON IN.

502

JONATHAN COOPER, NOT
ANDERSON COOPER'S BROTHER,

503

HE WAS THE ANIMATION
DIRECTOR ON

504

ASSASSIN'S CREED 3,
HE TWEETED,

505

IN MY EDUCATED OPINION,
I WOULD ESTIMATE

506

THIS TO BE A DAY OR
TWO'S WORK. NOT A

507

REPLACEMENT OF 8000
ANIMATIONS.

508

THEN YOU SHOULD'VE
DONE IT BOZO'S.

509

YEAH. HE WAS
BASICALLY LIKE, UH,

510

EX-SQUEEZE ME--

511

YEAH.

512

--BUT FUCK YA'LL.

513

YEAH.

514

SO STUDIES HAVE SHOWN
THAT CONSISTENTLY

515

SINCE THE 90S THE
PERCENTAGE OF FEMALE

516

CHARACTERS IN VIDEO GAMES
HAS REMAINED 15% PERCENT.

517

SO THIS IS 24 YEARS LATER
THERE HAS BEEN

518

A 0% PERCENT INCREASE.
WHICH IS INTERESTING BECAUSE

519

48% PERCENT OF GAMERS
NOW ARE FEMALE, BECAUSE OF

520

MOBILE GAMES.

521

RIGHT, BECAUSE OF LIKE CANDY

522

CRUSH, AND ANGRY BIRDS--

523

CANDY CRUSH. YEAH.

524

SOMEONE TOLD ME I WAS
GAMER BECAUSE I DID SOLITAIRE.

525

YEAH, OH, YOU'RE THE
BIGGEST GAMER OF ALL.

526

YOU'RE DOING
CLASSIC GAMING.

527

YEAH.

528

IN 2013, ONLY 4% PERCENT
OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS

529

IN THE TOP 25 VIDEO
GAMES WERE WOMAN.

530

GEESH.

531

WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF
FEMALE GAMERS HAVE

532

INCREASED AS I SAID IT
WAS DUE TO THE RISE

533

OF MOBILE GAMES WHICH
OFTEN DON'T HAVE CHARACTERS.

534

RIGHT.

535

BECAUSE WHERE... I MEAN
IF NOT A FEMALE

536

CHARACTER THEN
CANDY CRUSH.

537

RIGHT.

538

HERE'S THE THING, WHO
CARES THE ASSASSIN IS A GIRL?

539

- GIRLS.
- EVERYBODY... YEAH.

540

ONCE YOU NORMALIZE
WOMAN IN THESE

541

SITUATIONS THEN IT
DOESN'T BECOME A BIG

542

DEAL.

543

NO QUESTION THERE SHOULD BE MANY MORE

544

ROLES FOR ANIMATED
WOMAN TOO.

545

YEAH. BY THE WAY, YOU
CAN SEE HOW MUCH I

546

FUCKIN' KNOW ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE I NEVER

547

PLAYED VIDEO GAMES.
I ONLY PLAY LIMBO WITH

548

A DEAD SILHOUETTE KID,
WHO GOES THROUGH

549

OLD SIGNS AND STUFF,
AND I WOULD LIKE THE

550

OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY A
LITTLE DEAD GIRL.

551

(SIGH) YOU PLAYED LIMBO
WITH A DEAD KID?

552

WELL IT'S NOT LIMBO
(DOES THE SONG)

553

OOH.

554

YOU'RE IN LIMBO LIKE
YOU DON'T KNOW IF

555

YOU'RE IN HEAVEN OR NOT.

556

OH, THAT GAME THAT
YOU PLAY WHEN AND YOU

557

TURN UP TRENT REZNOR--

558

I PUT ON NINE INCH NAILS
OR SIGUR ROS ON.

559

AND I CRY, AND THAT'S
WHEN I WAS SMOKING THE

560

MOST, BECAUSE I WOULD
SMOKE, PLAY LIMBO,

561

LISTEN TO NINE INCH
NAILS, AND I, GOD...

562

DID YOU TURN
INTO (INAUDIBLE)?

563

- OH YEAH.
- YEAH.

564

I ABSOLUTELY DID, AND
THEN I DID A PARTY MONSTER.

565

YEAH.

566

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