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In the early 1900's, famed author James Joyce wrote dozens of love letters to his... more »
Published February 12, 2014 31k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring: Dave Foley
Director/Concept by: Natalie Morales
Editor/Producer: Mars Rising
DP/Editor: Tom Lipka & Jon Enge
Producer: Ally Hord
Producer: Bette Bentley
Gaffer: Matt Sweeney
Production Design: Tricia Robertson
PA: Cole Macfarlane
Makeup By: Leigh Schwartz
Sound by: Ryan Kaiser
905 Funny Votes
62 Die Votes
30,533 Views
Published February 12, 2014

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TO NORA.

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9TH OF DECEMBER, 1909, DUBLIN.

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MY SWEET, NAUGHTY LITTLE FUCK BIRD.

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HERE IS ANOTHER NOTE TO BUY PRETTY DRAWERS,

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OR STOCKINGS, OR GARTERS.

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MY WHOREST DRAWERS, LOVE, AND BE

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SURE TO SPRINKLE THE LEGS OF THEM WITH

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SOME NICE SCENT.

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AND ALSO DISCOLOR THEM, JUST A LITTLE,

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BEHIND.

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YOU SEEM ANXIOUS TO KNOW HOW I RECEIVED

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YOUR LETTER, WHICH YOU SAY IS WORSE THAN

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MINE. HOW IS IT WORSE THAN MINE, LOVE?

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YES, IT IS WORSE, IN ONE PART OR TWO.

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I MEAN THE PART WHERE YOU SAY WHAT YOU WILL

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DO WITH YOUR TONGUE.

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I DON'T MEAN SUCKING ME OFF.

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AND IN THAT LOVELY WORD, YOU WRITE, SO

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BIG AND UNDERLINED, YOU LITTLE BLAGGARD.

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IT IS THRILLING TO HEAR THAT WORD, AND

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ONE OR TWO OTHERS YOU HAVE NOT WRITTEN, ON A

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GIRL'S LIPS, BUT I WISH YOU SPOKE OF YOURSELF,

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AND NOT OF ME. WRITE ME A LONG, LONG LETTER, FULL

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OF THAT AND OTHER THINGS.

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ABOUT YOURSELF, DARLING. YOU KNOW NOW HOW TO GIVE ME

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A COCK STAND. TELL ME THE SMALLEST THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF.

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SO LONG AS THEY ARE OBSCENE, AND SECRET, AND FILTHY.

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WRITE NOTHING ELSE. LET EVERY SENTENCE BE FULL OF

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DIRTY AND MODEST WORDS, AND SOUNDS. THEY ARE ALL

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LOVELY TO HEAR, AND TO SEE ON PAPER EVEN,

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BUT THE DIRTIEST ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.

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THE TWO PARTS OF YOUR BODY, WHICH DO DIRTY THINGS,

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ARE THE LOVELIEST TO ME. I PREFER YOUR ARSE, DARLING,

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TO YOUR BUBBIES, BECAUSE IT DOES SUCH A DIRTY THING.

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I LOVE YOUR CUNT, NOT SO MUCH BECAUSE IT IS THE PART I BLOCK,

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BUT BECAUSE IT DOES ANOTHER DIRTY THING.

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I COULD LIE, FREAKING ALL DAY LOOKING AT THE DIVINE

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WORD YOU WROTE, AND AT THE THING YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO WITH

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YOUR TONGUE.

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I WISH I COULD HEAR YOUR LIPS SPLUTTERING THOSE HEAVENLY

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EXCITING FILTHY WORDS. SEE YOUR MOUTH MAKING DIRTY SOUNDS,

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AND NOISES. FEEL YOUR BODY WRIGGLING UNDER ME.

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HEAR AND SMELL THE DIRTY FAT GIRLISH FARTS GOING

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POP, POP, OUT OF YOUR PRETTY BARE, GIRLISH BUM, AND

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FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, MY NAUGHTY LITTLE HOT FUCK BIRD'S

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CUNT FOREVER.

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I AM HAPPY NOW.

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BECAUSE MY LITTLE WHORE TELLS ME SHE WANTS ME TO ROGER

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HER ARSE-WAYS, AND WANTS ME TO FUCK HER MOUTH, AND WANTS TO UNBUTTON

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ME, AND PULL OUT MY MICKY AND SUCK IT OFF LIKE A TEET.

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MORE AND DIRTIER THAN THIS SHE WANTS TO DO,

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MY LITTLE NAKED FUCKER.

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MY NAUGHTY WRIGGLY LITTLE FRIGGER.

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MY SWEET, DIRTY LITTLE FARTER.

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GOOD NIGHT MY LITTLE CUNTIE.

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I AM GOING TO LIE DOWN, AND PULL AT MYSELF

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UNTIL I CUM. WRITE MORE, AND DIRTIER DARLING.

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TICKLE YOUR LITTLE COCKY WHILE YOU WRITE

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TO MAKE YOU SAY WORSE, AND WORSE.

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WRITE THE DIRTY WORDS BIG, AND

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UNDERLINE THEM, AND KISS THEM, AND HOLD THEM FOR A MOMENT

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TO YOUR SWEET HEART CUNT DARLING.

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AND ALSO, PULL UP YOUR DRESS A MOMENT, AND HOLD THEM

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UNDER YOUR DEAR LITTLE FARTING BUM.

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DO MORE, IF YOU WISH, AND SEND THE LETTER

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TO ME.

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MY DARLING, BROWN ARSED, FUCK BIRD.

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JIM.

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(SIGH)

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