Laser Squirrel

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Michael Freed

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Technology is progressing so fast. It’s amazing. The computer in my phone is a 1000 times more powerful than the one I had on my desk 15 years ago. Do you have any idea how long it took to download porn on a Commodore 64. Click, 15 minutes later, “I think I see a leg. This is going to be good!” People keep asking, “If technology has advanced this far, where are the flying cars like in the Jetsons?” I don’t know about you but I always by American cars because I support the American industrial worker. That means I also frequently support another proud American worker, the mechanic. When my check engine light comes on driving on Fowler Ave, I might think, "Hey I need to change my oil." When my check engine light comes on at 15,000 feet, I'm going to be thinking, "Holy Shit, I need to change my pants!!" I don't want a flying car. What I do want is a laser squirrel, cute and cuddly home protection. Just a little trained squirrel with a deadly laser back pack. Somebody trespassing on your property, laser squirrel. Girl Scouts trying to sell me Keebler elf cookies at a 300% mark up, laser squirrel. They could have other uses to. Since their so small, you could teach them to do special ops missions. Rick Scott is running for re-election, laser squirrel.