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I thank since there seperashun a church an state an states run skools then that meens... more »
Published March 03, 2013 200 views More Info »
(silence)

Amen.
Hey!
That there was a demonstration.
I'll explain it in a minute.
(coughs)
Lemme first welcome all our newcomers
to How I Seize It.
And I'm your #1 Apostle,
Loretta Jenkins.
Now y'all I'm gonna tell you right now...
It is just a clear back-slap in the face
of our forefathers
who birthed our nation free,
after jeckin' it away from the Injuns
with smallpox blankets,
to allow religious theology
in our classrooms.
That is a capital 'P'
for Period Point Blank.
Now let's stop all this
hissy fightin' over it.
There ain't nobody tryin'
to take your rights to pray away.
We are gonna take your rights
to pray the gay away,
that much we are gonna take.
But we ain't gonna try and
stop you from prayin',
we just don't wanna hear you do it,
to be frankly about it.
Prayers is supposed to be done
at bedtime in the quiet.
Just you and the wall
with a Jesus cross on it,
where the ghost comes out of.
Has y'all got a Jesus ghost in your house?
That's what my momma always used to say.
Sides, there's already a compromise in place
for this shit, I don't know why
y'all still bitchin'!
It's called a 'Moment of Silence.'
They is a succinct difference between
school-led prayer...BANNED.
And lettin' folks use they blank time
across the board
for doin' whatever they do...ALLOWED.
Now I don't care if you pray,
hail mary fulla grace,
or speak in tongues!
Hoo hummm, himm summ...
(African clicking sounds)
Them foreign religions...
Whatever your school spirit be,
that is what the momento silence is for.
You 'vocal prayers'
can just be respectful
of the nonbelievers.
And you don't need to be jumpin'
and hollerin' and dancin' for Jesus!
Just say it in your head, you know.
Keep it brief.
Hey, the man upstairs,
he got plenty to listen to
and some of y'all just
drone on and on and on...
I heard ya,
cause I runned the prayer hotline once.
Religion is a private matter, y'all.
That means keep it to your damn self.
I mean, y'all got churches
and temples and Stonehenges...
Worship there!
Keep your religgy educations
over in your own private education places
that you pass off as
legitimate places of higher learnin'.
Like that Ol' Orville Redenbocker College.
Is that right?
Orgul?
Orvul...Wright?
Naw wait.
He the airplane man.
Orvul...
ORAL ROBERS! Yeah U!
Y'all that ain't no real school
no more than that University of Phoenix is.
It ain't even in Phoenix.
Just go to fast food!
They even gives you benefits now.
Free nuggets.
That ain't real education, y'all.
I mean seriously, come on.
Did you pay for it with coupons?
(laughs)
Vouchers?
I smoked a little bit of weed y'all.
What was I talkin' about?
Hello?
Hey y'all, I keep-
(coughs)
Y'all, I keep my religion at home.
And I don't need no buildin'
or congregation or no fanatical Facebook post
to shoud it out neither!
Bitch...
You know who I'm talkin' to.
I know you don't watch this, so
For them of y'all-
His name-
His/Her name begin with a 'D.'
I call him out.
Fuckin' ginger!
I'm sorry.
He ain't gonna watch it.
Ehhhh....
I oughta be ashamed of myself,
but I ain't.
Lo Power!
Nuckle Nocks!
Look, I know there ain't law
specifically seperatin' church and state,
but we been operatin' like they was
all this time, so let's
just leave well enough alone, alright?
Therefore,
since most schools is publics,
children should be learnin ' shit
integrals to ALL peoples,
like Readin', Ritin' & 'Rithmetic!
Not Ralijums!
We got too many topics
startin' with the letter 'R' already!
Can't you see?
Like...R.O.T.C.!
See, we can't have no more.
We need to be focusin' on science
and learnin' to cure our own cancers,
'steada sittin' around on ou
fat, lazy asses waitin' for a cure
to drop out of the sky
like a pelican turd at the beach!
I mean, the Bible?
It's a cool enough book, in general,
I reckon.
But I mean, it ain't no textbook.
It ain't no historical document.
It's just an incomplete collection of stories.
Somebody's best guess at
life, death, and the secrets of the Universe.
Just think...
If this Earth dies,
and the aliens come in
and all they find is Harry Potter books,
that's what they gonna worship.
That's just logical.
Y'all Christians?
Y'all might want to back off
that school prayer argument.
You got to realize that legally,
your religion ain't got no more credibilities
than Islams, Paganisms, Jewisms...
Boobisms, Lafeyisms...
Voodooisms.
Whatever kinds -isms you into!
Gays worship Jisms!
(laughs)
I'm just kiddin', y'alls,
that ain't no real religion.
Heh.
LOL.
Listen, this is the bare-ass facts.
This country was founded by people
runnin' away from religious persecutions.
Them pilgrims and Plymouth Rock sumbitches?
They know people needed a churchy-free zone
to grow up in,
to coexist peacefully
and not attack each other with this
'Believe in my God, or DIE' mindset!
Now listen, goddamnit!
Cause you're fixin' to learn
somethin' deep and meaningful here!
Religion ain't got no place in schools...
...cause true religion?
That can't be taught.
For your religion
or core belief system
to have real meaning?
You gotta find that on your own.
It should be a connection
that you have with your OWN God,
and in your OWN damn yard!
And that's How I Seize It.
I connect with the God Bacchus, most times.
Tune in next week
for more of the Good News!
Ermagherd!
(laughs)
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