What would it be like if the hyper violent Punisher had his own TV in the 60s?... more »

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519Funny
218Die
9,266
Views
April 23, 2016
Published

Transcript

♪ [Music] ♪
♪ Punisher ♪
Male Narrator: The Punisher
brought to you by
Hamburgers.
Male Narrator: The people of Hell's Kitchen
separate their cans from their glass,
but the unfavorable Un-cycler
trades recycling with trash.
Female Voice: You're one mixed up,
mixer-upper Un-cycler.
Bread and Butter Pickles, it's
The Punisher and his sidekick Child Abuse.
That's right evil doer, and wherever
crime is afoot we'll
be there with a fresh
pair of socks.
Alright The Punisher, it seems that
you have caught me red handed,
but next time...wait, what?
[Gun Shot]
♪ [Music] ♪
♪ Punisher ♪
♪ It's The Punisher
(Punisher) ♪
♪ Here comes The Punisher
(Punisher) ♪
♪ Oh shit
It's The Punisher ♪
♪ Punisher ♪
♪ Don't stare at
The Punisher, no ♪
♪ [Music] ♪
♪ Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ it's The Punisher ♪
♪ Thomas Jane
Thomas Jane played The Punisher ♪
♪ Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Punisher
Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Punisher ♪
[Music Ends]
Male Narrator: Inside the
sewers where the boiler rats roam
is the secret hideout that
The Punisher calls home.
[Phone Rings]
The Punisher phone.
What is it chief?
[Incoherent Ramble]
Mittens and soda Punisher.
What is it Child Abuse?
Jigsaw kidnapped the mayor's
wife Poodles, and he's
holding them hostage at
the old Sugar Mill.
Jigsaw that rapscallion.
His bitterness will taint that
candy for months.
Quickly Child Abuse,
finish your cigarette.
Male Narrator: Our heroes
are off to set things right as
soon as they finish a doctor
approved Marlboro Light.
♪ [Music] ♪
Male Narrator: As The Punisher
makes haste in his van,
the dastardly Jigsaw reveals
his full plan.
With the mayor's wife's poodles
in my possession, he'll have to
do whatever I tell him. Now I can
finally marry my horse Sophia.
[Laughter]
God didn't read the instructions
when he put you together Jigsaw.
Punisher and Child Abuse.
You're too late.
I'm going to ground these
dogs into brown sugar.
Puzzle Men, puzzle
them (Laughing).
Texas Instruments Punisher. How are we
going to get ourselves out of this one?
[Woman's Voice in the Background]
Looks like you could use a
woman's touch there Punisher.
Unless you expose that I have
a wife, and she's dead.
Wait a minute,
Puzzle Men.
Ah!
Men made out of puzzles.
Ah!
How do you keep a
puzzle from moving?
Ah!
Rubber cement!
Ah!
Good thing I always keep
my glue spray with me.
(Whimpering) Oh God!
Holy shit!
Oh, that's a quarter in
the swear jar Electra.
Are you really killing me?
Is this death?
Shhh.
Crime doesn't pay.
Child Abuse go to the car
and get the club soda.
I'd hate to stain these floors,
or make a mess.
My wife hates messes.
[Screaming is Heard]
I think I'm going to be sick.
Weak stomach, huh?
Looks like you could use
some of that club soda.
Honey, we need to get
you out of here.
He's only a child
you monster!
Justice is rated
PG-13 Electra.
Please, please, help me
read my palm.
Just fuckin' kill me.
Ooh, that's a whole dollar
in the swear jar Jigsaw.
I'm bad!
Dinner is served Jigsaw.
No! No!
Male Narrator: Now that Jigsaw
has no where to hide will
The Punisher make him
swallow his pride?
Yes.
Yes, that's what's
going to happen.
It's going to be awful.
Wait, I want to see
him eat his balls.
[Giggling is Heard]
Male Voice: Hey guys,
we're Mrs. Woman.
Thank you so much for
watching our Punisher video.
Be sure to subscribe to our Funny or Die
Channel and our Youtube Channel.
♪ [Music] ♪

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