Let John Douche (Dylan McDermott) be your rhythm vacation when you enter the Douche School of Dance.

Full Credits

Starring Dylan McDermott
Created by Dylan McDermott
Written by Dylan McDermott and Alex Fernie
Directed by Lauren Palmigiano
Edited by David Patton
Featuring: Myra McWethy and David Hunt
Also: Abby Albright, Robin Weitz, Dana Buning, Veronica Scheyving, Lucia Trozzi, Hali Hudson, Barbara Stuart, Janice Glaab, Fiona Chavers and Shasi Wells
Director of Photography: Antonio Scarlata
Gaffer: Richard Kim
G/E: Brigitte Bartholdi
Production Design: Katie Byron
Wardrobe: Leslie Schilling
Makeup/Hair: Shauna O’Toole
Makeup/Hair: Carla Farra
Sound: BoTown Sound
PA: Samantha Gross
Production Coordinator: Lindsey Robinson
Production Coordinator: Michelle Fox
Special Thanks: Bryna Rifkin and Raj Raghavan

Transcript

Male Speaker 1:
(whispers) Exclusive.
Male Speaker 2: Ever since man
first climbed out of the
primordial muck
there has been that.
I am John Douché, and this--
Dylan McDermott: [accented] is the Douché,
School of Dance.
[music plays]
Dylan McDermott: Anyone can dance, anyone,
except for the laziest people.
Dylan McDermott: You see, our bodies sports
a throb with energies.
Dylan McDermott: We must free them.
Now, I know many of you are caught
Dylan McDermott: in loveless marriages,
and rhythmless lives.
Dylan McDermott: Let me, John Douché,
be your rhythm.
Dylan McDermott: Let me, John Douché,
be your fantasy.
Dylan McDermott: Let me, John Douché,
be your release.
[he exhales]
[takes in a breath]
[and exhales again]
[and exhales again]
[and exhales again]
Dylan McDermott: (Voiceover) I am more than
just a dance teacher.
Dylan McDermott: I am [speaks foreign language]
therapist, confidant.
Dylan McDermott: Perhaps this is because
of my Argentinian background.
Dylan McDermott: Now, I spent two weeks
there when I was 14.
Dylan McDermott: You see this?
It's open.
Dylan McDermott: That's what I
want to teach you.
Dylan McDermott: So go ahead.
Ask me a question.
Dylan McDermott: Ask me anything.
Myra McWethy: Who are
your heroes?
Dylan McDermott: One baby.
Wilt Chamberlain. Jorge Cruise.
Dylan McDermott: All the
ass monsters.
Veronica Scheyving: Where did you
study dance?
Dylan McDermott: You don't study dance,
pussycat. You live it.
Dylan McDermott: But to answer your
question Omaha City College.
Dylan McDermott: My dream is to be a judge on
So You Think You Can Dance,
Dylan McDermott: Dancing with the Stars, [inaudible],
Dylan McDermott: whatever bullshit
show is on.
Dylan McDermott: I think I could take
it to another level.
Dylan McDermott: Bottom 3. Next.
Dylan McDermott: I need need soul.
Class: I need soul.
Dylan McDermott: I need love.
Class: I need love.
Dylan McDermott: I love John Douché.
Class: I love John Douché.
Dylan McDermott: I bang Douché.
[Spanish music plays]
David Hunt: What the fuck?
Dylan McDermott: This class is for
women only.
David Hunt: Get your hands
off my wife.
Myra McWethy: Oh Eugene relax,
we're just dancing here.
David Hunt: Come on Samantha.
We're leaving.
Myra McWethy: What?
David Hunt: Stay away from
my wife, Douche.
Dylan McDermott: It's pronounced
Douché.
Dylan McDermott: (Voiceover) Life is
like a box of crayons.
Dylan McDermott: My job is to bring colors
out of other people.
Dylan McDermott: That mission is why I started
the John Douché School of Dance.
Dylan McDermott: And, well...
Dylan McDermott: I enjoy having
sexual intercourse
Dylan McDermott: with middle
aged women.

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