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Published April 17, 2015 20k views The Crypt More Info »
Full Credits
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Future Pam and Sue
Starring
Phyllis Politowicz as Sue
Rhoda Pell as Pam
Paul Downs as Paul
Jeff Hiller as Jeff
Written by Pam Murphy
Directed by Sergio Cilli
Produced by Matt Mazany
Edited by Yesel Manrique
Art/Wardrobe Ashley Swanson
Makeup Brenna Haukedahl
1st DP Nick Rasmussen
Gaffer - Gabe Kimpson
Sound Mixer - Ryan Kaiser
VFX - Ian Skalski
The Hollywood Sign
Written and edited by Sue Galloway
Starring Pam and Sue
Directed by Paul Downs
DP Chris Westlund
Music by Red Datsun
The Blow Out
Written by Pam Murphy
Starring Pam Murphy and Sue Galloway
Directed by Lucia Aniello
DP Chris Westlund
Edited by Sue Galloway
Officemates
Written by Pam Murphy
Starring Pam Murphy Sue Galloway
Directed and edited by Mitch Magee
DP Paul Rondeau
Namedroppers
Written by Sue Galloway
Starring Pam Murphy and Sue Galloway
Directed and edited by Becky Drysdale
DP Paul Rondeau
Doubles
Written by Pam and Sue
Starring Pam Murphy
Sue Galloway
Jeff Hiller
Paul Downs
Directed and edited by Mitch Magee
DP Ryan Moulton
Sound Ed Spangler
PA Shannon Joy Rodgers
An Actor Prepares
Written by Sue Galloway
Starring Pam Murphy
Sue Galloway
Jeff Hiller
Paul Downs
Directed by Paul Downs
DP Chris Westlund
Sound John Heeg
Stats & Data
Transcript

[SOUND]
Oh!

> Sue, it's so great to see you.

> Oh, Pam, it's been too long.

> Yes, I'm sorry I was late.
My ship got delayed.
Some idiot refused suspended animation.

> You know, when you buy your tickets for
intergalactic travel,
you consent to suspended animation,
right, right.

> [LAUGH] Oh Sue, I've missed you

> Oh, are you tired?
You must be hungry.
I made your favorite.
[SOUND]

> Roasted snips, you remembered.

> Well of course, I remembered.
You're my dearest and longest friend.

> I was trying to remember
just how we met and I couldn't.

> I remember exactly how we met.
[MUSIC]

> Oh hey,
hi I was hoping you could help me.
Do you know if I can get to
the Hollywood sign from here?

> Oh yeah, I just came from there.
I'm actually not from here, but
I know that so up here, you're,
there's going to be like
a break in the road.

> Uh-huh.

> You just go left, and
then you'll get a stop sign after that,
and take a left at the stop sign.
You're right there.

> Wow, great, okay great.
Thank you.

> Glad to help.

> Bye.
[SOUND]

> Oh wait a minute.
It's not how you get to the sign.
It's how you get to a view of the sign.
Think I just told her the wrong thing.
Oh no.
This is the only way back down.
[MUSIC]

> This is nice up here.

> Oh no.

> Left up here.

> Oh no, oh no.
[MUSIC]

> Oh, no, oh, no.

> Finally gonna make it
to the Hollywood sign.
[SOUND] I'm not at the Hollywood sign.
This is just a dumb view of the sign.
I can see this from my apartment.
What an idiot.
[MUSIC]

> Hey,
those directions you gave me were wrong.
I don't know you.

> I know it's you.
You told me the wrong way to go.
You just ruined my whole day.
I only get an hour for lunch.

> I love lunch.

> Maybe it's not you.

> [NOISE]

> It is you.
You better run!
Run!
Run!
You better run.
You better.
[SOUND]

> That was you.

> No, no, no.
That's not right.
I didn't make it to California
before it was destroyed.

> Who would have thought there were
millions of giant sandworms living deep
underground for thousands of years?

> David Lynch.

> Dune.
[LAUGH]

> Remember
when people used to watch movies?

> I remember when David Lynch was
a human and not just a beam of energy.

> Hmm.
Most people were human back then.

> Those were the dumb old days.

> When people were
obsessed with their looks.

> Well,
we were obsessed with the way we looked.
I remember where we met.
[MUSIC]

> Like ten things that gross me out and
one is seeing, like,
either those socks, toe-socks, socks
where you have all the toes separate or
those shoes where you see
all the toes separate.
I just don't like to see toes separate.

> Mm-hm.

> When I can't see their actual toe.
Cause I'm sort of, like, what's in there?
Like a three layer cake or.

> Mm-hm.

> What's, what is that toe made of,
you know?

> I'm sorry,
this piece is just really bugging me.

> Sure.

> [SOUND] I fell like I
gotta just blend it in
a little bit here

> Do you want me to get the back?

> That would be great.

> Sure.
[SOUND]
Here you go.

> Thank you.
[MUSIC]
What do you think of this?

> Ooh, it's fun.

> Yeah?

> Yeah, maybe a little shorter.
Keep going.

> All right.
[MUSIC]
How's that?

> It's amazing.

> Great.

> Thank you.
Thank you so much.

> You're welcome.

> Wow.

> Glad you like it.

> Thanks.
I'll give you that.

> Oh.

> Thank you.
[MUSIC]

> [SOUND] Well, that doesn't seem right.

> No, no it doesn't.
Does it?

> Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you something.

> [SOUND] A cat!
Oh!
He is so soft, and fluffy!
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

> I know how you love cats.

> Oh yeah.
Oh yes.
Hello there.
I love cats they're so sweet.
I forgot to feed you.
Oh my goodness.

> They're so cute.
Yeah, you know I remember where we met.
[MUSIC]

> Oh hey.
I borrowed your stapler last week.

> Oh, yeah.
I was looking for it.
[LAUGH]

> I had
a bunch of stuff I had to staple at home.

> Oh.
Okay.

> Some bills.
A bag of cat food, a skirt.
I think I'm leaving early today.
I have to take my aunt to the doctor.
I think I have take a half day.

> Well, a half day's not too bad.
[LAUGH]

> Maybe I'll just take a quarter day.
I hate using my personal days.
I saved up 85 personal days.
Maybe I'll just go at lunch.
Don't worry about my aunt.
She's not sick,
she just has to go to the doctor to get a.
[NOISE]
I have to go to the bathroom

> [SOUND]
That's
right.

> You know I never did use my sick days.

> Well people stopped getting sick.

> Once you survive the plague,
you're never sick another day.
[LAUGH]
The human race almost perished!

> Yes, thank goodness for
those secret isolation chambers
that were buried deep in the ocean.

> Thank goodness for the sea lions.

> Yes, thank goodness for the sea lions.
You know I can hardly remember the time
when the sea lions
didn't rule over humans.

> I remember the day they saved us all.

> Think I'm getting kinda bored lately.

> I hope it's not contagious.

> So, when I'm feeling really zoned,
I like to go to Banana Republic.

> Ew.

> I mean J Crew.

> Better.

> And I pull one shoulder off
of the sweaters on hangers.

> I like that look on a lady.

> And, there it dangles like a sentient
being between life and death, and then,
someone will come by and
lightly knock it and zoom.

> It goes out like a light in an eye.

> My mom gets migraines.

> When I did this yesterday, next person
came by and knocked it down, it tumbled.
I have to admit, I lingered to see it
happen and it was Shaquille O'Neal.
Well, I helped him pick it up and
we put it back on the hanger and
our hands touched gingerly,
and he smiled at me and
he kept thinking I worked there even
though I said over and over that I didn't.

> Special moments.
[MUSIC]

> I thought we were
thinking about sea lions.

> Whoops!
I think I was thinking about shopping.

> Everyone dressed different and you
weren't issued a standard survival suit.

> Those were dumber times.
You know people would actually go outside?

> Before the atmosphere was
destroyed by a giant meteor shower.
What a beautiful day that was.

> [LAUGH]
Hey.
We used to go outside.

> And play tennis.

> What idiots we were.
[SOUND]

> There's only one
thing standing between us and
the championship.

> Well, two things.

> Yeah, two things.

> The Douglas twins.
[MUSIC]
[LAUGH]

> I like your shirt!

> No, I like your shirt!

> I like your shirt!!

> Oh my gosh, you guys!

> You guys start!

> No, you guys start!

> No, you guys!

> Let's play friendly tennis!

> Yay!

> Can you believe that we had
a foursome with the Douglas twins?

> It was hard to tell them apart.

> They looked exactly alike.
[LAUGH]

> Hey,
can you remember when we all did
the community theater production,
Humans Are From Earth,
Sea Lions Are From a Superior Place?

> How could I forget that?
[MUSIC]
[SOUND]

> Hey Sue,
they're gonna need you on
stage in about 15 minutes.
You ready for this?

> Oh, yeah.
Almost.

> You nervous?

> I don't really get nervous anymore.
I'm totally prepared.

> Do you want a water or anything?

> No thanks.
How are you doing?

> I'm good.
I just got certified
as a scuba instructor.

> That's great.

> All right.
Well I'll let you do what you
need to do before the show.

> I'll get to my little ritual.
[LAUGH]
La, la la
la la la la la.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
But I've got a good job.
I'll always love you.

> Hey, everything okay back here?

> Never better!

> Good.
You have about two minutes.

> Great.
Can't wait.
Great.

> Well, break a leg.

> [LAUGH]

> [LAUGH]

> [SOUND] Would you like
to go home together?
Ugh, ugh!
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
I caught you!

> They're ready for ya.
[MUSIC]

> So is yours pink or brown?

> I don't know.
I've never seen it.

> Whenever you're ready.
[SOUND]

> If I had to guess, I'd say pink.

> I would too.

> I think you should pay.

> Hey, how'd it go?

> Surprise, surprise.
[LAUGH]

> I was great.

> I was great.

> I'm sorry I can't come in today.
I have to take my aunt to the doctor.
She has this.

> Well you owe me because next week,
I'm seeing Shaquille O'neal perform.

> God, he is such an amazing artist.

> I know.
Voice of an angel.

> Good morning, ladies.

> Why do you even bother?
They cannot hear you.

> I know.

> Can you imagine getting on a ship for
intergalactic travel,
they put you in suspended animation,
and then you never wake up?

> That's why I always
refuse suspended animation.

> Well you know what they say.
Anyone who doesn't is
[CROSSTALK] an idiot.
[LAUGH]

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.

> I was great.

> You were great.
[SOUND]

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