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Hilarious parody to Jay-Z's video. I know there are dozens of these parodies but I guarantee you this one's the best!
Published May 12, 2010 3.8k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Writer, Director, Producer - Rob Ryan
Cast - Josie Vitetta, Rob Ryan, Giovanni Vargas, Josh Barbour
Cinematography - Josh Barbour
Editing - Vadin Lum You, Rob Ryan
123 Funny Votes
8 Die Votes
3,831 Views
Published May 12, 2010
Yeah I used to live in Brooklyn, working at a tech firm,
But then I lost that kush job, thanks to the recession
Now I’m at that job and, I can’t pay rent here
I can’t pay rent anywhere, they evict me everywhere
I thought I’d live in Harlem, Maybe in LI city or way uptown on broadway
Til I saw that Craig’s list, Fit my budget, 100 per week,
Only catch for me though, it was way out there in Jersey
Commute minutes thirty, took the path train,
Went so slow and the stench was unnerving
Pull up to a pigsty, America’s worst city
Hookers on the corner, that’s one of its specialties
Say what up to Shauna, still trickin’ corners
You do it with her, she’ll tape and sell it like porno
Brotha I be grossed out, I can smell feces
Tell by the stench alone, that I’m most definitely in,
 
(eh.. Uh huh Yeah! Yeah! Uh huh uh huh uh huh. General Agreement! I think I just stepped on a used condom!)

Newark
Homeless people, hookers and crack bums,
There’s nowhere they won’t poo
Welcome to Newark,
Killers will take you and hide you, and no one will find you
Afraid of Newark,
 
I used to have a girlfriend, and now she won’t visit me
Cuz just by touching something in Newark you get an STD
Looked for a city park, all I found were tittie bars
And not the kind you’d like cause these girls all had missing body parts
Welcome to the pissing pot, Corners where you get shot
Stabbed so much, the ER, got my own spot
Shoulder stab, kidney stab, grandma stab, holla back
And as soon as you think your safe, there comes another sneak attack
8 million reasons to get up out this trash heap
Funny it’s the money that gets people trapped here.
Me I gotta train ticket , soon as I get paid,
If I can cover the rent I’m leaving the same way.
Crack Pipes, Needles, Shards of Bacardi,
Garbage so high it’s like a scene out of Wall-E
Worst part of it is, Alicia Keys, Jay-Z will never write a song
About the peeps livin’ in
(Ehhhhhh That boy’s dead. Welcome to hell baby,)

Newark  
Gang infested, polluted hell hole,
Theres no where to sink to,
Once you’re in Newark
Sure is a nice place to visit,
If you’re a bullet,
Passing through Newark
  
Teeth are whitened, Hair’s Feathered and Lightened
So guys can go out to the clubs
The night life is lined with Guinea T’s, Here to infinity
It’s the same dude over, like watching Multiplicity
Girls with their hoop rings, buy the whole style,
They fall in love with the guys, Whose bi’s, they been jucing
The city I’m in is city at the gym
Guidos spray tanned, the city’s filled with them
Tommy took a bus trip, now his brows are plucked out
Now he’s Muscle Milk, Jersey Shore eat your heart out
Feel sorry for the people that just drive through
Windows rolled up, and their doors are all locked too
Came here for the Airport, turned off the Turnpike,
Even Onstar is scared for it’s life.
Compared to Newark, New York is a show off
City’s so depressing better slip you a Zoloft

(In in, Ahh Ahh,)

Suffocating, depressing, Nightmare,
Where danger will find you,
Save me from Newark
This was an awful decision, Moving to this prison
Known as Newark Newark Newark

Theres a guy who sleeps outside my building
Recently I’ve been getting a bad feeling
Hasn’t moved a-an inch in like two weeks,
And he’s starting to re-ek
I think he might be dead. Dead.
Welcome to Newark.

Newark
Homeless people, hookers and crack bums,
There’s nowhere they won’t poo
Welcome to Newark,
Killers will take you and hide you, and no one will find you
Afraid of Newark,
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