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Get our your umbrellas and your light jackets, Los Angeles, it's time for our winter!... more »
Published March 11, 2014 27k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

- (ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

- (BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

- (ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

- (BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES
AND POLITICS,

6

- (ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

- (BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH
LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

8

- (ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

9

- WELL IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING.
ALL THE MEN ARE SNORING.

10

- EVERY ONE IS SNORING.
- MY CB2 TABLE IS ABSOLUTELY
RUINED IT GOT FLOODED.

11

- I KNOW ERIN, WE LITERALLY WITNESSED A
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN OVER A CB2 TABLE.

12

- BRIAN, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
EVERY SINGLE THING--

13

- AND THEN YOU COMPARED IT TO LOSING
A COUCH. IT'S NOT REMOTELY THE SAME THING.

14

- YES IT IS, BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING.
EVERYTHING I BUY IS USED, FROM OLD STORES,

15

FROM VINTAGE PLACES, FROM CRAIGSLIST.

16

- WOW, COOL MAN.
- YEAH, I'M THE COOLEST.

17

BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE ATTACHING EMOTIONAL
THINGS TO THINGS THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE.

18

- NO, YOU ABSOLUTELY DO.
- THAT WAS THE--

19

I BOUGHT A $300 DOLLAR TABLE FROM CB2.
IT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT I EVER BOUGHT,

20

THAT I WAS LIKE, "I'M AN ADULT,
AND I HAVE SOMETHING FANCY."

21

IT GOT RAINED UP INTO.
- YEAH.

22

- BECAUSE THE CARPET FLOODED, AND IT
SEEPS INTO THE LEGS OF THE THING,

23

AND NOW IT'S SPLIT APART LIKE I SAT IT IN
A FUCKING YARD OF MY MOBILE HOME.

24

- OKAY.
- YEAH.

25

- WELL, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR CB2 TABLE,
OR YOU HAVE RENTER'S INSURANCE. SO I--
- I DID GROW UP POOR...

26

--THINK YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GET SOME
MONEY OUT OF IT. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SCAM--

27

- IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY.
- IT ISN'T?

28

- IT'S ABOUT MY PRIDE, AND THE FACT THAT
GREW UP POOR, AND I ASSOCIATE WHENEVER

29

I SPEND MONEY ON SOMETHING IT'S
ALMOST LIKE MY LIFE HAS ENDED, WHEN IT GETS RUINED.

30

- YEAH.
- BECAUSE I NEVER HAD ANYTHING.

31

- OKAY.
- YOU KNOW?

32

- I USED TO SHARE A ROOM WITH MY SISTER--
- YEAH, I KNOW ALL THESE--

33

- EVEN WHEN I WAS TOO BIG FOR A TWIN BED.
- RIGHT.

34

- SHE USED TO--
- YOU'RE NEVER TO BIG FOR A TWIN BED.

35

- WOAH.
- YEAH.

36

- I ALMOST WORE THAT SAME SHIRT TODAY,
BECAUSE WHEN IT RAINS--

37

- COOL.

38

--WHEN IT RAINS IN LOS ANGELES, EVERYONE
GET'S THEIR FLANNEL OUT--

39

- YEAH.
--AND THEIR WINTER CLOTHES,

40

AND WE ALL SAY,
"BRR, IT'S SO CHILLY OUT.

41

IT'S A GOOD THING WE DON'T HAVE A POLAR
VORTEX.", BUT IT'S COLD FOR US, THANK YOU.

42

SO DON'T DEMEAN WHAT
WE'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW.

43

- I HAD 25 SCARVES WRAPPED AROUND.
DO YOU KNOW THE MOVIE COCOON?

44

- YEAH, I KNOW THE MOVIE, CA-COON.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT A MOVIE CALLED CO-COON?

45

- COCOON.
- YEAH.

46

- IT'S ABOUT A COOK NAMED OON.
- UH HUH.

47

- AND UM, IT'S, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
HE MAKES ALL OF HIS DELICACIES, BUT HE
WRAPS HIMSELF.

48

- IS HE SPANISH?
NO, HE'S A VALLEY BOY.

49

HE'S A SKATER BOY,
WHO THEN BECOMES A CHEF. SO IT'S--

50

- OH, THAT OLD STORY.
- YEAH.

51

- IT'S SO FUNNY, BECAUSE HE'S LIKE

52

- (in a valley voice)
DUDE, I WANNA LIKE COOK, OR WHATEVER.

53

- YEAH. YOU HEARD OF PINEAPPLE
UPSIDE DOWN CAKE?

54

TRY DOING IT WHEN
YOU'RE DOING A TURNPIKE.

55

IS THAT A THING? NO.
- YEAH, HALF PIPE?

56

- HALF PIPE? (laughs)

57

- DUDE WE'RE HITTING THE TURNPIKE TODAY.
- LET'S DO IT, DUDE BRO.

58

- DUDE BRO.
- DID YOU EVER SKATEBOARD?

59

MY BROTHER USED TO SKATEBOARD--
- NO.

60

--WITH HIS FRIENDS GROWING UP--

61

- WE WERE TO POOR. YEAH, MM-HMM.
- (sigh) ONLY POOR PEOPLE SKATEBOARD.

62

MY BROTHER WHEN HE USED TO SKATEBOARD WITH HIS

63

FRIENDS, ONE TIME HE INVITED ME OUT, AND
I WOULD LIKE GET ON, AND BASICALLY

64

SCREAM, AS IF I WAS ON A ROLLER COASTER.

65

- DID HE PULL YOU ON A ROPE OR SOMETHING?
NO, NO, HE WOULD BE LIKE, "OKAY NOW,

66

LIKE PEDAL OR WHATEVER WITH YOUR--
DO THE FOOT, AND THEN FLINTSTONE IT, WHATEVER, GET

67

ON THE THING, AND I WOULD SCREAM, AND
SO BY THE END OF THE DAY I WOULD JUST

68

BE SITING ON THE SKATEBOARD, AND LIKE
FOLLOWING ON MY FEET (laughs). I WAS LIKE 9.

69

- YOU SOUND AS--
- SEXY? I STILL DO IT THAT WAY.

70

--AWFUL THEN, AS YOU ARE NOW.
- THAT'S HOW I GET TO WORK STILL.

71

I SIT ON MY SKATEBOARD, AND
I JUST GO LIKE THIS, AND SOMETIMES I'LL

72

GET SKI POLES, AND LIKE--
- DO CARS SEE YOU,

73

OR DO THEY JUST RUN RIGHT OVER YOU?

74

- NO, CARS DON'T SEE ME, BUT I ONLY DO
IT ON A, GENERALLY ON THE SIDEWALK.

75

IF A CAR GETS NEAR ME I START FLAILING
MY SKI POLES, AND SOMETIMES I'LL

76

BASH IN A WINDOW IF A CARS TO CLOSE.

77

- HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT--
- SELLING THAT IDEA TO HBO?

78

NO.
- WELL, DO YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE

79

RUN IN CHICAGO IN THE WINTER?
OH YEAH, FUN, JAZZ HANDS.

80

YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE PUT
CHAINS ON THEIR CAR TIRES?

81

- YEAH.
- THEY HAVE THOSE FOR SHOES

82

IN CHICAGO, SO YOU PUT THOSE ON YOUR SHOES, AND YOU LOOK LIKE A, YOU LOOK

83

LIKE A, UMM, YOU KNOW, CHAIN MAIL
- AND THAT'S WHO YOU'RE TELLING ME

84

THAT'S WHO YOU WANT TO
END UP WITH WHEN THE WORLD ENDS?

85

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
- THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE

86

THAT ARE GOING TO BE AROUND WHEN THE
WORLD ENDS. CRAZY PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

87

- OH. OH MY GOD BRYAN.
- WHAT?

88

- JURASSIC PARK IS HAPPENING. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING.

89

I SAW IT ON REDDIT SCIENCE YESTERDAY.
THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY CLONED A
PREHISTORIC ANIMAL.

90

- REALLY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS? - YOU HAVE TO GET A GUN--
YOU HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF.

91

- I KNOW. I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED ON
THE DATE I WENT ON. EVERYTHING WAS
GOING REALLY WELL

92

UNTIL I POSED THAT ONE, BECAUSE I
MENTIONED TO THIS GUY LIKE,
OH, I WAS THINKING

93

AFTER I READ THE ROAD, AND THEN THERE
WAS AN ARTICLE ON THE NEW YORKER
THAT WAS LIKE,

94

UH, YEAH I READ THE NEW YORKER, ALL OF
THIS TO SAY THAT I READ THE NEW YORKER--

95

- THIS WHOLE THING--
- BASICALLY THE MORAL OF BOTH

96

THOSE THINGS WAS YOU GOT TO GET A
GUN. SO I FLIRTED WITH THE IDEA OF GETTING A GUN

97

BECAUSE I USED TO SHOOT
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

98

- YEAH, OBVIOUSLY WITH
YOUR OLD TIMEY RIFLE.

99

- YEAH.
- THAT YOU PUT GUN POWDER IN.

100

- YEP. EXACTLY--
- A MUSKET.

101

- YEAH. I CALL MYSELF A MUSKETEER.

102

- THAT'S WHAT THAT'S ACTUALLY SAYING.
- YEAH. RIGHT.

103

- INTERESTING. BUT YOU PUT CANDY BARS
IN YOUR MUSKET, AND THEN YOU
SHOT THAT OUT.

104

- EXACTLY.
- SURE.

105

- I WOULD GO TO MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE,
AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "BUTTERFINGER
BITCH."

106

- AND JUST LIKE, THREW A
BUTTERFINGER IN HER FACE.

107

- YEAH.
- IT WAS SO FUN.

108

- YOU HAD A GUN, BUT YOU THREW A
BUTTERFINGER IN HER FACE?

109

- I COCKED THE GUN, AND THEN I WOULD
THROW A BUTTERFINGER IN HER FACE.

110

- CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BOTH OF YOUR
GRANDPARENTS WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN

111

YOUR FAMILY WHO WERE OKAY YOU
COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET?

112

- YES.
- AND YOU CONSISTENTLY CALL YOUR GRANDMA A BITCH.

113

I JUST WANTED TO POINT THAT OUT.
- YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

114

- YOU'VE NEVER SAID ONE AWFUL THING
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.

115

- SHE IS THE SWEETEST-- SHE'S BASICALLY LIKE A JAR OF HONEY, BOTH OF THEM.

116

- YEAH.
- ONE HAS SINCE PASSED.

117

- CAN YOU PUT THEM IN YOUR COFFEE?
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

118

- DO YOU PUT HONEY IN YOUR COFFEE?
- YEAH.

119

120

BRYAN, WHAT WAS YOUR LAST DAY JOB?

121

- OH MAN, UM, OH, IT WAS WORKING
AT THAT OLD FOLKS HOME.

122

- HUH?
- OH I DIDN'T TELL YOU THIS?

123

- NO.
- BASICALLY IT WASN'T A NURSING HOME, BUT THEY

124

BUILT THEM. THEY CONSULTED ON BUILDING

125

NURSING HOMES, AND THEY WERE ONLY IN THE

126

OFFICE, LIKE 5 DAYS A MONTH. SO I HAD
THE ENTIRE OFFICE ON THE BEACH IN SANTA
MONICA

127

TO MYSELF, MADE MY-- WASN'T SUPPOSED TO
MAKE MY OWN HOURS, BUT FULLY MADE MY OWN

128

HOURS, AND IT WAS AMAZING. THEY WOULD BRING ME THE DEAD HUSBAND'S CLOTHES.

129

I WAS LIKE THE OFFICE MANAGER. I HOOKED UP THERE.

130

- I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYMORE ABOUT THIS.

131

- WHAT IS HOOKING UP?
- WE WOULD GO ON THE BEACH,

132

AND BE LIKE...

133

134

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

135

- WELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU
HOOKED UP IN THE OFFICE?

136

- ERIN, I DON'T KNOW. IF I WAS DATING
SOMEONE, I WOULD BRING THEM BACK TO THE

137

OFFICE. I WOULD BE LIKE WHY DON'T
YOU COME OVER TO SANTA MONICA?

138

- WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME RIGHT NOW FOR CLARIFYING?

139

- BECAUSE YOU ARE ASKING TO MANY QUESTIONS.

140

- YOU BROUGHT IT UP. I DIDN'T SAY
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HOOKED UP AT WORK.

141

I SAID, WHAT WAS YOUR LAST DAY JOB.

142

- OH YEAH.
- THEY CAN SUE YOU NOW.

143

- WHY?
- BECAUSE YOU FUCKED IN
THEIR OFFICE.

144

- I DIDN'T DO THAT. YOU'RE SAYING I DID.

145

- YOU PUT YOUR FINGER IN SOMEONES
BUTT IN THEIR OFFICE.

146

- I DIDN'T DO THAT. I DIDN'T EVEN
HOOK UP, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY.

147

- UM, WELL THERE IS PLENTY OF PEOPLE
IN CLEVELAND, OHIO, YOU KNOW.

148

- YEAH, I'M SURE IT HAS A HEALTHY
POPULATION.

149

- THERE'S PLENTY OF PEOPLE THERE WHO
NEEDS JOBS, AND SO KELLY BLAZEK, SHE'S

150

READY TO HELP--
- I WISH IT WAS
KELLY BLAZER.

151

- WELL IT CAN BE. I'LL JUST CALL HER
KELLY BLAZER.

152

KELLY BLAZER IS HERE, AND READY TO
HELP WITH HER CLEVELAND JOB BANK. SO PEOPLE

153

LOOKING FOR JOBS CAN EMAIL HER TO
GET ON HER MEMBERS ONLY N-E-O-H, NORTH
EASTERN

154

OHIO COM JOBS. THAT'S THE WHOLE
LISTSERVE. UM, WHICH HAS 7300 SUBSCRIBERS,

155

AND THE DEAL IS, YOU GET ON THE LIST,
YOU'RE A MEMBER, AND YOU GET FIRST DIBS

156

ON ANY JOB POSTINGS. SO AFTER
RUNNING THIS LISTSERVE FOR SEVERAL YEARS, IT'S

157

REALLY TAKING A TOLL ON KELLY.
- YEAH.

158

- SHE APPARENTLY HAS GOTTEN VERY
SURLY WITH HER RESPONSES TO PEOPLE, AND IT

159

WASN'T UNTIL THIS WOMAN DIANA
MEKOTA EMAILED KELLY, AND THEN GOT A RESPONSE

160

THAT JUST BROUGHT ALL OF KELLY'S
SECRETS OUT.

161

- (gasps). WHAT WAS THE SECRET?
- I'LL TELL YOU.

162

SO DIANA SENT THIS EMAIL TO KELLY.
"HI KELLY, MY NAME IS DIANA. I CURRENTLY LIVE

163

IN CHICAGO, AND PLANNING TO MOVE
BACK HOME TO CLEVELAND. A FRIEND OF MINE

164

REFERRED ME TO YOUR YAHOO GROUP,
AND I REQUESTED ADMISSION, BUT WAS DENIED.

165

WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO GAIN
ACCEPTANCE INTO THE GROUP, SO I CAN HELP FIND A JOB?

166

ALL THE BEST. DIANA." OKAY, SO HERE'S
HER RESPONSE TO DIANA.

167

- AND JUST TO CLARIFY, IT'S NOT
PRINCESS DIANA, BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD.

168

- NO, NO, THIS IS DIANA FROM CHICAGO
MOVING BACK TO CLEVELAND.

169

- OKAY.
- YEAH.

170

"HOW ABOUT STARTING WITH NOT
PRESUMING THAT I WOULD SHARE MY NEARLY 1000 PERSONALLY

171

KNOWN LINKEDIN CONTACTS WITH A
TOTAL STRANGER. HOW BUSH LEAGUE TO PULL THAT STUNT."

172

- WHAT THE HELL?
- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

173

"PLEASE LEARN THAT A LINKEDIN
CONNECTION IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A PERSONAL RECOMMENDATION

174

PLEASE TAP INTO THE OTHER JOB
SEEKER RESOURCES IN NORTH EAST OHIO FOR YOUR SEARCH."

175

- SHE BOOK ENDED THIS EMAIL BY
TAKING TWO LIVE CHICKENS, BITING OFF THEIR HEADS

176

DRINKING THEIR BLOOD, AND
THROWING THEM AGAINST THE WALL.

177

- YEAH. HERE'S WHAT'S FUN ABOUT THIS.
NUMBER 1, I THINK THE BEST WAY TO TREAT

178

PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR JOBS IS
TO TREAT THEM LIKE A COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT.

179

- BECAUSE HONESTLY, PEOPLE WHO
ARE UNEMPLOYED HAVE SUPER INFLATED EGOS.

180

- THEY'RE LIKE LAZY. THEY DON'T
UNDERSTAND THINGS.

181

SO ANYWAY, THIS WOMAN DIANA,
NOT PRINCESS DIANA--

182

- SHE'S DEAD.
- YEAH, EXACTLY.
THANK YOU FOR REMINDING US.

183

SHE SENDS THIS LETTER IN TO REDDIT,
IT WENT VIRAL, AND OTHER PEOPLE STARTED

184

SHARING THEIR KELLY RESPONSES.

185

- I LOVE IT.
- SO LET ME JUST READ

186

YOU SOME OF THE OTHER KELLY
REJECTIONS LETTERS.

187

SHE GOES, "I CANNOT WAIT TO LET
EVERY 25 YEAR OLD JOB SEEKER MIND MY TOP
TIER MARKETING

188

CONNECTIONS TO HELP THEM LAND
A JOB. LOVE THE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT IN YOUR

189

GENERATION."

190

- LISTEN, I'M WITH THIS WOMAN. AS
FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, MOTHER OF THE YEAR.

191

I'M NOT PUTTING UP--
- OH SHE DOES CALL

192

HER THE MOTHER OF JOBS.
- I'M NOT
PUTTING UP WITH

193

SCOOTERS IN MY HOUSE. I'M NOT
PUTTING UP WITH SOMEONE DOING A CARTWHEEL.

194

I'M NOT DEALING WITH IT. I'M NOT
INTERESTED IN BEAVER-BIEBER, JUSTIN BIEBER BLARING.

195

I'M NOT DOING THAT.
- SO, THE INTERNET

196

NATURALLY GOT OUTRAGED, BY ALL
OF THE REPEATED BITCH SLAPPING--

197

- BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET IT, THE
INTERNET DOESN'T GET IT.

198

- THE INTERNET NEVER GETS IT.
SHE APOLOGIZED.

199

- SHE DID?
- YEAH. SHE ACTUALLY DID.

200

- OH GOOD.

201

- "I AM VERY SORRY VERY SORRY TO
THE PEOPLE I HAVE HURT. CREATING AND UPDATING

202

THE CLEVELAND JOB BANK LISTINGS
HAS BEEN MY HOBBY FOR MORE THAN 10 YEARS.
IT STARTED

203

AS A LABOR OF LOVE FOR THE
MARKETING INDUSTRY. I BECAME SHORT-SIGHTED, AND

204

IMPATIENT, AND THAT WAS WRONG.
DIANA--" NOT PRINCESS DIANA. "--AND HER
GENERATION

205

ARE THE FUTURE OF THIS CITY. I WISH
HER ALL THE BEST IN LANDING A JOB IN THIS

206

GREAT TOWN."
- APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

207

- IT DIDN'T SAY THAT SHE PUT HER ON
THE LISTSERVE. JUST GOING TO POINT THAT OUT.

208

- SHE'S NEVER GOING TO DO THAT.
- NEVER. OKAY.

209

AND THAT'S IT, SHE'S COMPLETELY
UTTERLY DONE-ZEES, AS FAR AS THE INTERNET IS

210

CONCERNED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE FUTURE OF THE LISTERV IS GOING TO BE.

211

SHE LET THE JOB GET TO HER, AND
GET ANGRY, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT, BECAUSE

212

I'VE NEVER DONE THAT.
- SHE NEEDS TO

213

LET THE RIVER RUN. SHE NEEDS TO
LET THE RIVER RUN, AND JUST DO A CARLY SIMON,

214

SEPIA TONE, JUST ONE EYE, WITH
LIKE A FEATHER OVER--

215

- I WOULD ARGUE THAT WHAT SHE
NEEDS TO DO-- SHE NEEDS TO GO TO SLEEP, AND IN THE MORNING

216

THE ARABIAN PRINCE NEXT DOOR
WILL HAVE COME IN, GIVEN HER DONUTS, A SILK BLANKET...

217

- THE LITTLE PRINCESS. SHE NEEDS TO
FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

218

- AND THEN BECOME LIKE A STAUNCH
REPUBLICAN, AND SAY FUCK YOU TO POOR PEOPLE.

219

- DO YOU KNOW THAT SHIRLEY
TEMPLE'S MOTHER LIVED IN HER MAIN HOUSE, AND

220

SHIRLEY TEMPLE LIVED IN HER PLAY
HOUSE WITH HER HUSBAND?

221

- THAT IS SO FUNNY. I DID KNOW
THAT, BECAUSE YOU'VE MENTIONED IT ABOUT 16 TIMES

222

ON THIS PODCAST.
- WELL NO, BECAUSE SHIRLEY TEMPLE'S
MOTHER LIVED IN THE MAIN HOUSE,

223

AND SHIRLEY TEMPLE HAD TO LIVE
WITH FIRST HUSBAND IN HER OWN PLAY HOUSE.

224

- THAT IS SO INTERESTING. I CAN'T
WAIT TILL THE MOMENT I DIE, AND I NEVER HAVE

225

TO HEAR THAT AGAIN.

226

227

- (softly) ERIN. THIS IS MY-- ERIN,
GREAT NEWS ALL AROUND. (sigh)

228

NO, WONDERFUL NEWS.
- WHAT IS-- ARE YOU HAVING

229

A COMA OR A SEIZURE RIGHT NOW?

230

- WELL I COULDN'T PRINT, SO THE
WHOLE THING IS THROWING ME OFF, BECAUSE I HAVE TO USE

231

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS,
BUT SOMEONE HANDED ME THIS, AND SAID DO IT.

232

- YEAH, IT'S AN IPAD.
- I DON'T--
ISN'T THAT JUST A WOMAN'S PRODUCT?

233

- WELL GREAT NEWS. I GUESS IT'S
GREAT. HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH IT-- THERE'S

234

NO PROBLEM WITH IT. THERE'S NEWS.
THERE'S NEWS ALL ACROSS THE BOARD.

235

WELL RESEARCHERS FROM COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY--
- WHERE?

236

--(foreign language) FOUND THAT
PEOPLE WHO ARE HOMOPHOBIC,
AND WITH ANTI-GAY ATTITUDES

237

LIVE TWO AND A HALF YEARS LESS
THAN PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HOMOPHOBIC.

238

- IT'S LIKE BEING A SNOOKER.

239

- SO, THEY ATTRIBUTE THIS INCREASED
MORTALITY RATE TO HIGHER-- IT'S NO SURPRISE,

240

HIGHER STRESS, HAVING MORE ANGER,
JUST MAD THAT THE GAYS ARE OUT THERE.

241

THE RESEARCHERS WROTE THAT
ANTI-GAY PREJUDICE--

242

- DID THEY WRITE WITH LIKE CURSIVE,
AND LIKE WITH A QUILL PEN?

243

- THEY DID. YEAH, EXACTLY. IT WAS
JUST MARIE CURIE. THEY JUST CLONED HER, AND

244

SHE DID ALL OF THE RESEARCH FOR
THIS. ANTI-GAY PREJUDICE WAS SPECIFICALLY

245

ASSOCIATED WITH INCREASED RISK
OF CARDIO VASCULAR RELATED CAUSES OF DEATH.

246

AND THEY'VE BEEN POLLING AMERICANS
ABOUT THEIR SOCIAL, EXCUSE ME, THEIR SEXUAL

247

ORIENTATION, AND THEIR ATTITUDES
SINCE 1988, AND ALSO USED RECORDS--

248

- MY FAVORITE YEAR.
- WELL YOU KNOW THAT WAS THE

249

YEAR DEBI THOMAS GOT THE BRONZE MEDAL.

250

- OH.
- AND KATARINA WITT GOT
THE GOLD FOR WOMEN'S FIGURE SKATING.

251

- YEAH.
- AND THE YEAR BRIAN BOITANO WON.

252

- COOL.
- SO TO MEASURE HOMOPHOBIA, THEY LOOKED AT

253

ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS LIKE,
SHOULD A MAN WHO ADMITS THAT HE'S A HOMOSEXUAL

254

BE ALLOWED TO TEACH AT A COLLEGE UNIVERSITY.

255

- NO.
- OH, I'M SORRY. I WASN'T ASKING YOU.

256

- BUT SEE WHEN I SAID THAT, IT
DIDN'T MAKE MY HEART GO UP, YOU KNOW.

257

MY HEART RATE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH, IT MADE MINE GO UP.

258

- IT DID?
- YEAH.

259

- BECAUSE I SAID NO?
- YEAH.

260

- STRESS IN TURN IS ASSOCIATED WITH
LESS HEALTHY BEHAVIOR, BECAUSE THEY SAID THAT

261

THESE HIGHLY HOMOPHOBIC PEOPLE'S
INTERACTIONS ARE VERY STRESSFUL

262

WITH GAY PEOPLE.
- WELL THEY'RE TRYING TO

263

CONTROL PEOPLE. THEY HATE WHAT THEY DO--

264

- AND BEING HOMOPHOBIC CAN LEAD
TO OVEREATING, SMOKING, AND HEAVY DRINKING.

265

FUCK THESE PEOPLE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY,
HONESTLY. SCREW THE PEOPLE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY.

266

- OH, JUST FOR BEING SNOOTY?
- FOR BEING SNOOTY,

267

AND FOR PRETENDING TO KNOW
WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW. LIKE WE KNOW--

268

- OH YOU'RE MAD THEY DID THIS
STUDY, BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS?

269

- I ALREADY KNEW IT.

270

- YOU KNEW THAT HOMOPHOBES
DIE SOONER?

271

- YEAH. WHAT DO YOU CALL UM,
ANDY WARHOL.

272

- MM...
- DEAD!

273

WHO ELSE? UM...CHAKOVSKY, DEAD.
- UH HUH.

274

- UH...PAUL LAND, DEAD.

275

- OH, YOU'RE SAYING GAY PEOPLE DIED?

276

- NO-NO-NO-NO, THEY HATED GAY
PEOPLE. SO YEAH, THE ONLY HOMOPHOBE I KNOW WHO'S

277

STILL ALIVE, WHO'S LIVED A LONG
LIFE IS CICELY TYSON...AND YOU.

278

- OH YEAH.
I'M A NOTED HOMOPHOBE.

279

- YEAH.
- BECAUSE I GO AROUND WITH MY

280

T-SHIRTS--
- YEAH. ALL OF THE
WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH

281

WHO HOLD THE GOD HATES FAGS
SIGN, THEY HAVE A LIFE SPAN OF ABOUT 25 YEARS.

282

- THEY HAVE--
- MAYBE LESS.

283

THAT'S ALSO WHY DOGS LIVE LESS THAN
HUMANS. THEY HATE GAY PEOPLE.
- ALL HOMOPHOBES. YEAH.

284

OH SO IT'S NOT 7 YEARS EQUAL TO DOG YEARS.
- NO. NO.

285

THAT'S AN OLD WISE TALE LIKE THE
LADDER, 7 YEARS BAD LUCK, MIRROR SMASHING.

286

- WELL I KNOW A LOT OF GAY PEOPLE
WITH TINY DOGS.

287

- YEAH, BUT THEY'VE HAD ALL OF
THEIR TEETH REMOVED.

288

- THE DOGS, OR THE GAY PEOPLE?

289

- BOTH.

290

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