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Set 10 years after a cataclysmic event has killed 75% of the world's population,... more »
Published July 22, 2010 180 views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
With: Adi Ashburner, Francisco Chacin, Marisa Ship, David Kirk, Donnie Anderson, Ron Waddling, Steve Barnes, Alex Sineko, Leo DeGuzman, Douglas Zwick and Megan Batchelor
6 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
175 Views
Published July 22, 2010
EXT. TRUDEAU CENTRE
A mob of people is marching towards the building carrying flags. Police are swarming the area.
NEWS REPORTER
Now in its 9th hour, the protest shows no signs of abaiting as the crowd appears to have surrounded the Trudeau centre. What started as a seemingly impromptu riot was in fact one of the largest organized mobs the city has seen in years--
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
Isaac walks out of his office, his tie is loosened and he's not wearing a jacket. He passes by Voynich's cubicle. Voynich is wearing an odd outfit accented with a Stetson.
VOYNICH
The network's slow.
ISAAC
The power is fluctuating through the entire building Voynich.
VOYNICH
It's hard to work without power.
ISAAC
Why are you wearing that hat?
VOYNICH
I'm a cowboy...
Beat
VOYNICH (CONT'D)
From the future.
Isaac stares.
VOYNICH (CONT'D)
Mosey along.
Isaac continues walking. Calvin approaches, carrying papers and some devices.
CALVIN
I want to go home. We are at like, 10 percent of company capacity. There's nothing to do.
ISAAC
Well you can't the police are not letting anyone in or out. Unless you want to be tackled by police officers--
CALVIN
I'm a top.
ISAAC
This conversation is already going so well.
CALVIN
I have been here 13 hours! I have a hot date!
ISAAC
No you don't.
CALVIN
What are you doing to stop this? Why would they protest when there's barely anyone in the building? What are they even protesting?
ISAAC
Does it matter what they're protesting Calvin? I'm trying to deal with the problem of keeping petulant children like you calm until this clears up.
A beat. Calvin knocks a file out of Isaac's hand. Isaac glares, and Calvin look defiant.
There's a dull thud and a bang. The two rush to a window.
EXT. TRUDEAU CENTRE
A fire is now alight below.
INT. TRUDEAU CENTRE
ISAAC
I don't know whether I'd prefer to be down there or in here right now.
CALVIN
Are you trying to be poignant?
A beat.
ISAAC
I fucking hate you.
CUT TO:
OPENING CREDITS
EXT. TRUDEAU CENTRE
Smoke still billows.
INT. ISAAC'S OFFICE
Lupe comes running into Isaac's office.
LUPE
Isaac the protests are spreading throughout the city and we're getting calls for grief counseling from everywhere!
ISAAC
So counsel them. That's what we do.
LUPE
There's a media blackout! I don't know what they're protesting! I'm scared! People want to know what's going on! I keep having to lie and that's not working.
CUT TO:
INT. LUPE'S CUBICLE.
Lupe is on the phone. Calvin is working next to her with some devices.
LUPE
I know it's upsetting, I know.. Um... they're... protesting... Paper shortages.
CUT TO:
INT. LUPE'S CUBICLE.
Jump cut, Calvin is in a slightly different position in each cut.
LUPE
They're protesting gerrymandering. They were gerrymandered.
CUT TO:
INT. LUPE'S CUBICLE.
LUPE
They're protesting apartheid.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
Pollution
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
The Whales. Saving them.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
Paper.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
Tables.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
Pineapple disease. It kills millions each year.
A beat.
LUPE (CONT'D)
They're spikey.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
They don't like milk.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
They're not too keen on puppets.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
They hate agorphobes, so they figured this was the best way to avoid them.
CUT TO:
LUPE (CONT'D)
Your mother. Okay? They're protesting your mother.
A beat
LUPE (CONT'D)
Because she's a whore. Evvvvvverybody's slept with her. Even this guy.
She holds the phone to Calvin.
CALVIN
She calls my dick Tunguska because of its deep impact.
Lupe brings back the phone.
LUPE
And he's a fag. That's how much of a whore your mother is.
She hangs up. Calvin and Lupe high-five.
CUT TO:
INT. ISAAC'S OFFICE
ISAAC
Lupe, I am kind of swamped here, just keep making excuses until I can get through the blackout.

Lupe exits. Isaac looks down for a brief moment and when he looks up, Tayhr is sitting in the chair in front of him.
ISAAC (CONT'D)
JESUS! How did you do that?
TAYHR
I'm quiet.
ISAAC
Right, Intern, what do you want?
TAYHR
My name is Tayhr.
ISAAC
What?
TAYHR
We're out of coffee.
ISAAC
So make some more that's your job.
TAYHR
There's none left and I can't go and buy any.
ISAAC
So tell people there's none left.
TAYHR
People don't like that.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
STEVEN approaches the coffee machine. He presses the lever but no coffee comes out. ADAM joins him.
ADAM
Is there no coffee.
STEVEN
There is no coffee.
ADAM
We'll find who's responsible.
STEVEN
Are there still lead pipes loose on the floor below?
ADAM
Yes.
STEVEN
We will use them.
ADAM
Yes.
STEVEN
When we have beaten the person who took our coffee they will have no face left.
ADAM
None?
STEVEN
No face at all.
ADAM
Indeed.
SWING PAN to Tayhr in a corner, looking frightened.
CUT TO:
INT. ISAAC'S OFFICE
TAYHR
I like having a face.
The phone rings.
ISAAC
Tayhr, could you... could you just deal with this I have to...
Tayhr leaves. Isaac picks up the phone.
ISAAC (CONT'D)
Yes. Go.
The lights flicker.
ISAAC (CONT'D)
What.. Hello? Yes, I already sent the list of everyone in the office right now. I'll resend it... yes... yes it's done...
He hangs up.
ISAAC (CONT'D)
What now...
He exits the room. As he walks down the hall he passes VOYNICH's cubicle. Voynich is wearing a newspaper Tricorn.
VOYNICH
It's hard to work without power.
ISAAC
What?
VOYNICH
You heard me.
ISAAC
What's this hat?
VOYNICH
I'm a 17th century European emperor. But I'm poor.
ISAAC
Are you making fun of me?
VOYNICH
I'm just a man of many hats.
ISAAC
Are you using metaphors or are you just being weird?
A beat. Isaac leaves.

EXT. SERVER ROOM
Calvin is exiting the server room. Smoke billows behind him.
CALVIN
Can I go yet?
ISAAC
No, I just resent our attendence list to the police - what's that smoke from?
CALVIN
What? Oh... I was smoking a cigarette.
ISAAC
That's not how cigarettes work.
CALVIN
Well, I don't usually smoke so I must have been doing it wrong.
ISAAC
What are you doing?
CALVIN
Are you okay? You've got that look you get when you're out of control.
ISAAC
I don't have that look.
CALVIN
You do. Your eyes go all squiffy. I've seen it before.
CUT TO:
INT. PINBALL ROOM.
Calvin is holding one of Isaac's arms while they both yell.
ISAAC
No! One handed Pinball is not a game! This is dumb!
CALVIN
IT'S A CHALLENGE! ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE!
ISAAC
LET GO OF MY FUCKING HAND!
CALVIN
LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO CONTROL BOTH FLIPPERS!
ISAAC
THAT'S HOW YOU PLAY PINBALL!
CUT TO:
EXT. SERVER ROOM
ISAAC
Were you drunk when that happened?
CALVIN
No. Maybe, I'd been eating hand sanitizer. Anyway, I'm just using what's left of our network to try and get a feed from outside the media blackout. I didn't want to worry you, so I took care of it.
ISAAC
That's actually nice of you.
Calvin puts his hand on Isaac's shoulder.
CALVIN
No problem.
A beat.
ISAAC
Are you trying to push me down.
CALVIN
I was hoping your knees would be weaker.
ISAAC
Calvin--
CALVIN
Just go to your happy place. Not the one where you shoot me. Close your eyes.
Isaac pulls out a gun and shoots Calvin

CUT TO:
EXT. SERVER ROOM
The two are standing. Isaac has his eyes closed, he is smiling.
CALVIN
You went straight there, didn't you? You didn't even try.
ISAAC
I don't have another happy place.
EXT. TRUDEAU CENTRE
INT. OFFICE
Lupe comes running up to Isaac.
LUPE
OH GOD THERE'S TOO MANY CALLS! AND THEY KEEP THINKING I'M HANGING UP ON THEM BECAUSE THE POWER-OUTS KEEP CUTTING THE LINES! And also, sometimes I'm hanging up on the really shrill ones.
Isaac holds Lupe firmly.
ISAAC
Alright, look calm down. Close your eyes. Take deep breaths, and go to your happy place.
CUT TO:
LUPE'S CUBICLE.
Her phone rings, she answers.
LUPE
This is LGB and associates my name is Lupe Calvera, fuck off on die.
She hangs up. The phone rings.
LUPE (CONT'D)
This is LGB and associates my name is Lupe Calvera, I hope you accidently stab yourself in the eye.
She hangs up. The phone rings.
LUPE (CONT'D)
This is LGB and associates my name is Lupe Calvera I hope rabid dogs eat your genitals.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
Lupe open her eyes.
LUPE
That was fantastic.
ISAAC
Please don't share.
Suddenly, the lights flicker and everything becomes dimmer, tinted blue by the light outside. Calvin enters.
CALVIN
Hey guys, that media blackout... Uh... not to be cliche, but... (affecting a spooky voice) It's coming from inside the building
A beat.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
It... it actually is. You should see this.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE.
The trio have gathered.
CALVIN
I overrode an internal firewall that was blocking access to most feed sites. It's basically similar to what you use to get to porn at work or use company money to buy stuff.
Lupe nods in agreement at the latter. Isaac does a double take.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
Most news outlets are blocked but this an actual released video from one of the mob organizers.
Calvin plays the video. An angry looking man appears.
MOBSTER
We demand justice. LGB and associates, a so-called grief counseling company left us feeling helpless and lost. Their promise to help people who lost everything in Fallout was tossed aside so they could perpetuate the myth that they help people and increase their profits. Well we've been paying the price for their greed ever since then, and now we'll pay the price to whoever truly helps us. We will not disperse until justice is served against these criminals.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE.
Voynich has quietly joined the group. He is wearing a crown of thorns (failing that, the stetson) and drinking a bottle of soda with a straw.
CALVIN
It's a list. It's meant for crowd display.
ISAAC
Pull it up.
A holographic display appears. It has a list of names.
LUPE
This is everyone who's in the office today.
CALVIN
It's the list Isaac thought he was giving to the police you bastard!
LUPE
Why does it list our salaries?
CALVIN
Hey, I don't make that much. You're skimming my salary you bastard!
ISAAC
That's not our salaries. That's our bounty.
A beat.
CALVIN
Well, I'm worth a little more than Isaac at least.
To Be Continued...
EXT. TRUDEAU CENTRE
The mob is still outside. Fires still burn.

INT. OFFICE
Calvin and Isaac walk.
CALVIN
We're going to die because of you. You sent a list of who's in the building to men masquerading as police.
ISAAC
You know what Calvin? You've made protests worse too.
CUT TO:
INT. CALVIN'S SERVER ROOM.
An attractive boy stands next to Calvin while he works holding a sign taped to a ruler that reads 'Stop Sexually Harrassing Me'
Calvin moves back a bit and accidently bumps into the boy. He stands up furious.
CALVIN
You have been following me all day go away.
The boy hoists the sign up and down twice slightly. Calvin grabs it.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONG I AM GOING TO--
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM
Calvin sits in the witness seat.
CALVIN
I don't dispute that transcript of what I said but I would like to add that I only added 'without lube' because I didn't have any lube on me the time, which if I did, I'm sure I would have used.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
CALVIN
Hey, at least that didn't kill us.
ISAAC
I can't believe our own company stopped us from seeing this.
CALVIN
I know it's hard for you to hear but our employers are actually weighing the options of letting us be killed so the mob goes away. How does the warm embrace of your corporate overlords feel now?
ISAAC
You trying to switch sides?
CALVIN
Was it believable? If I wear something more tattered will I fit in with hippies?
ISAAC
I fucking hate you.
CALVIN
Whoa man, negative energy there.
CUT TO:
VOYNICH'S CUBICLE
Lupe sits with Voynich, who is wearing his pope hat.
LUPE
What's with the hat?
VOYNICH
I don't think they'd kill a man of the cloth.
LUPE
But you're just wearing a the hat.
VOYNICH
It draws the eyes up.
LUPE
Hrm. Maybe I could get out with a disguise.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE ENTRANCE.
Lupe is wearing an outrageous outfit which includes a moustache. She speaks in a bizarre unplacable falsetto.
LUPE
Hellooooo! My name is Elizabeth Middleton Braxworthington and I'm not employed as a grief counselor, wot wot!
CUT TO:
INT. VOYNICH'S CUBICLE.
LUPE
Why would I use a made-up accent?
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
Calvin and Isaac are at a computer station.
CALVIN
The only way we're getting out of here is in body bags.
He pauses, and then affects a gruffer voice.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
The only way we're getting out of here is in body bags.
A beat
CALVIN (CONT'D)
I kinda want a gun and shoulder holster.
ISAAC
You're not helping.
CALVIN
And what're you doing?
Isaac stands up and leaves. Calvin follows.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE HALLWAY
ISAAC
We need to figure out an exit from the building.
CALVIN
Let's charm our way out! I do that all the time when I'm picking up boys at clubs.
ISAAC
You don't go to clubs because you don't dance.
CALVIN
Yes I do! You took that one dance class with me!
ISAAC
And you learned one move!
Isaac and Calvin both perform one brief twirl and a dance move while walking.
CALVIN
I took more lessons.
ISAAC
You learned from a video game! How'd that go?
CUT TO:
INT. NIGHT CLUB
Calvin is at a bar. He walks up to an attractive boy.
CALVIN
Hey wanna dance?
The boy shrugs. The boy begins dancing normally while Calvin begins spastically slamming his feet on the ground simulating Dance Dance Revolution.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
DANCING!
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
CALVIN
Yeah, so I resorted to charm. Turns out that's not really necessary since every hot twink at those clubs has a reasonably hot nameless friend who's drugged out of their mind and dead inside.
Isaac stops.
ISAAC
Dead inside...
CALVIN
Is this another poignant thing.
ISAAC
I think I just had an epiphany.
CALVIN
Really? I guess I am charming.
ISAAC
No but you were right about body bags.
CALVIN
Dead inside body bags?
ISAAC
Get the intern would you? I saw him earlier...!
CALVIN
Sure thing boss.
Calvin puts his hand on Isaac's shoulder. Isaac pulls the gun again and shoots Calvin.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
Isaac and Calvin stands as they did moments before but Isaac is smiling.
CALVIN
You just shot me in the head in your head again, didn't you?
ISAAC
Whose fault is that?
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN
Calvin is walking by as Tayhr walks in looking slightly ruffled and carrying a rather beaten coffee container.
TAYHR
I founds coffee! It was the last one and it was at the bottom of all the storage boxes--
He hands it to Calvin who tosses it aside casually.
CALVIN
Yeah, great. Next time you're down there see if you can find some drugs or alcohol. Is that where you've been this whole time.
TAYHR
I also wrote my will.
He hands Calvin a sheet of paper. Calvin reads it phonetically.
CALVIN
'I give all my monies to LGB and askociates'
TAYHR
Is it good?
CALVIN
Yeah, I need my right foot fucking amputated right now. Isaac needs you, go see him in his office.
TAYHR
My name is Tayhr...
They exit.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
Calvin approaches Lupe who turns, wearing a fake moustache.
CALVIN
What are you--
LUPE
I'M NOT A TRAITOR!
CALVIN
If you're thinking of joining a men's only club I think the breasts might be a dead giveaway.
She tosses the moustache away.
LUPE
I deal with death every day. It's weird that they may kill us. I usually talk to people after death.
CALVIN
Do you think you've let down some of those people so you could score another succesful call log.
LUPE
Hells yeah.
CALVIN
Right.
LUPE
Calvin. Some of them believe that homeopathy isn't just sugar water. And other ones want to talk to their dead relatives, what am I supposed to do?
CALVIN
You could tell them they're crazy.
LUPE
That doesn't get me a fur coat, Calvin!
CALVIN
They would say that's materialistic.
LUPE
Yeah, but that's the point. My fur coat is real.
CALVIN
Hey intern.
The camera pans and Tayhr has appeared. He holds up a gun.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
What are you--
Calvin is shot twice. Lupe looks shot, but has no time to react as she as well is shot and collapses. The camera pans back to Tayhr, who turns to see Isaac running in.
ISAAC
No, don't--!
Tayhr quickly turns and shoots Isaac, who collapses.
CUT TO:
VOYNICH'S CUBICLE
Voynich hears something.
Tayhr's footsteps are approaching.
Tayhr is approcahing.
Voynich sees Tayh
Tayhr's gun raises in profile and fire.
Voynich is hit, he spins to the ground.
He lands hard. On the ground ahead, he sees something and reaches for it.
Tayhr's footsteps continue.
Voynich reaches for something. He grabs it.
Tayhr's gun raises
Voynich quickly puts on his stetson.
VOYNICH
Much better.
Tayhr fires.
Voynich collapses.
The footage pulls out, framing Voynich's body against a news anchor. The headline reads 'Bloodbath at LGB'. The shots in the upper right continue to show Tayhr killing people.
ANCHOR
In what appears to be a bloody retribution, a nameless boy exacted the protestor's wishes by executing every person on their so-called 'death list' At this time LGB and and associates have gone into a complete blackout and have not commented, sources say--
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE.
Calvin, Lupe, Isaac, and Voynich (with the stetson) all watch the report.
LUPE
I can't believe that worked.
ISAAC
I completely forgot the Intern's name when I made that attendance list so none of the protestors who he was, I just listed him as 'intern'.
CALVIN
Special effects looked okay.
ISAAC
(To Voynich) Did yours have to be need to be so dramatic?
VOYNICH
Aye.
CALVIN
If we adopt fake names I want to be called Steele Ramrod.
ISAAC
The mob's gone, this'll blow over in a week.
LUPE
I want to be Elizabeth Middleton Braxworthington!
ISAAC
(stern) We don't need fake names! People will forget and the company will be embarrassed this happened.
A beat.
VOYNICH
Nice the power's back.
ISAAC
Are you doing this again?
VOYNICH
I'll be moseying along.
He exits.
CALVIN
So we can leave?
ISAAC
Yes, whatever fine.
LUPE
I'm getting my moustache and hitting a bar.
CALVIN
Grab me some oversized glasses and I'll join you.
ISAAC
Glasses are a terrible disguise.
Lupe pulls out an enormous Martini glass.
LUPE
You have clearly not been drinking with us enough.
CUT TO:
INT. TAYHR'S CUBICLE.
Isaac (If need be Calvin) walks by.
ISAAC
Nice job on the acting Intern. Not quite sure why nobody asked who was filming but it seemed to work.
TAYHR
Can I see a counselor since I just had to pretend to shoot 30 people?
ISAAC
I don't know what policy is on internal counseling.
A beat. Isaac notices a rather fancy ring on Tayhr's finger.
ISAAC (CONT'D)
You... you didn't take any of the bounty money did you?
TAYHR
No.
Isaac leaves.
ISAAC
Good job.
A beat. Tayhr produces an enormous gold crown bejewelled with his name and resumes happily typing.
Credits




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