Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Jennifer Aniston & Tila Tequila

Web Series

Between Two Ferns

Actor

Zach Galifianakis

Actor

Jennifer Aniston

Actor

Tila Tequila

Producer

Scott Aukerman

Director

BJPorter

Editor

Cha-Ching Pictures

Camera

Danny Jelinek

Sound

BoTown Sound

Executive Producer

Funny Or Die

Additional Credits [+]

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Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis – Jennifer Aniston & Tila Tequila – Transcript

The video opens with a title that reads BETWEEN TWO FERNS with ZACH GALIFIANAKIS Presented by Speed Stick. The title fades to reveal Zach Galifianakis and Tila Tequila sitting between two ferns.

Zach Galifianakis: Hello, welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns. I’m your host, uh, I’m your host, Zach.

Text appears that reads ZACH GALIFIANAKIS HOST.

Zach Galifianakis: My guest today is Tila Tequila. Welcome Tila.

Tila Tequila: Thank you.

Text appears that reads TILA TEQUILA CELEBRITY.

Zach Galifianakis: You have 3.6 million friends on MySpace.

Tila Tequila: Yes.

Zach Galifianakis: Who’s Darryl?

Tila Tequila: Darryl?

Zach Galifianakis: I’m just kidding along with you. I’m just kidding.

Tila Tequila: Oh, okay.

Zach Galifianakis: Maybe you and I can be friends and hang out and stuff.

Tila Tequila: Yeah, absolutely.

Zach Galifianakis: Do you jet-ski?

Tila Tequila: Oh my God, I love jet-skiing!

Zach Galifianakis: It’s always been my dream to jet-ski around the world. Maybe we can do that.

Tila Tequila laughs.

Tila Tequila: Yeah, we can do that. We can totally do that.

Zach Galifianakis: It’s been enlightening and amazing to talk to you.

Tila Tequila: Thank you.

Zach Galifianakis: Unfortunately, I have another guest.

Tila Tequila: Oh, well, I had a great time.

Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, will you stick around, though?

Tila Tequila: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

Zach Galifianakis: Okay, cool. Please welcome my next guest, Jennifer Aniston.

Zach Galifianakis presses a red button next to his chair and a cheesy, MIDI file clip of the Friends theme plays briefly. Jennifer Aniston walks out onto the stage. Text appears that reads JENNIFER ANISTON SECOND GUEST.

Jennifer Aniston: Hi.

Zach Galifianakis: Hi.

Jennifer Aniston: How are you?

Zach Galifianakis: Hello.

Jennifer Aniston: Nice to meet you.

Zach Galifianakis: Nice to meet you.

Jennifer Aniston looks around for another chair to sit in.

Jennifer Aniston: Is there another?

Zach Galifianakis: Could you move that over for Tila? Just move the fern over.

Jennifer Aniston: This fern?

Tila Tequila: Yeah. Would you mind?

Jennifer Aniston, sort of incredulously, picks up the fern next to Tila Tequila.

Jennifer Aniston: No, I don’t mind.

Tila Tequila: Thank you.

Jennifer Aniston moves the fern over to reveal a second chair.

Jennifer Aniston: Oh, look, it’s a chair.

Tila Tequila: Do you want to sit here.

Zach Galifianakis: Okay.

Tila Tequila: No problem.

Jennifer Aniston: Thank you. Thank you, Tila.

Zach Galifianakis: Thanks Tila.

Jennifer Aniston: Nice to meet you.

Jennifer Aniston shakes Tila Tequila’s hand.

Tila Tequila: Oh, good to meet you, too.

Zach Galifianakis: So, welcome Jennifer.

Jennifer Aniston: Thanks. Happy to be here.

Zach Galifianakis: Tila, tell Jennifer a little bit about yourself.

Tila Tequila: Oh, well, I sing. I did reality shows. Actually, I had my own reality show.

Jennifer Aniston: You had a reality show?

Tila Tequila: Yeah.

Zach Galifianakis: What she would do, is she would have a lot of people to fight over her, to maybe get in bed with her.

Tila Tequila: Oh.

Jennifer Aniston: How did that go?

Tila Tequila: I decided to…

Zach Galifianakis: Sound familiar, Jennifer?

Jennifer Aniston: Sorry? Sorry?

Zach Galifianakis: So you’re Greek.

Jennifer Aniston: Yeah.

Zach Galifianakis: And, I’m Greek.

Jennifer Aniston: I know.

Zach Galifianakis: You changed your last name for show business.

Jennifer Aniston: But you kept it. You were committed to the…

Zach Galifianakis: No. My name is shortened.

Jennifer Aniston: It was?

Zach Galifianakis: It’s Galifianakisburg. What stuff do you have working on, Jenny?

Jennifer Aniston: Well, this movie that we’re supposed to talk about, which is Just Go With It, with Adam Sandler.

Tila Tequila: I’ve also worked with Adam Sandler too on a film.

Zach Galifianakis: Oh really?

Jennifer Aniston: Have you?

Tila Tequila: Really.

Zach Galifianakis: What’s he like?

Tila Tequila: Really nice. (To Jennifer Aniston) Right? Isn’t he a really nice guy?

Jennifer Aniston: Yes, he’s one of the nicest.

Zach Galifianakis: Did you guys hang out a lot?

Jennifer Aniston: Yes…

Zach Galifianakis: Tila?

Tila Tequila: Yeah, absolutely. Afterwards, we’d go and hit the trailer. Snack on a bunch of food. It was a lot of fun. He’s a great guy.

Zach Galifianakis: Ha. That’s a great story. If you were forced to choose one state in the US to be struck by a nuclear weapon, one state, or else the entire country would be destroyed, which state would you choose to annihilate?

Jennifer Aniston gives Zach Galifianakis a stunned look.

Jennifer Aniston (nervous laughter): I don’t, I’m not going to do that.

Zach Galifianakis: Oh, so the whole country is going to be destroyed by a nuclear weapon.

Jennifer Aniston: I don’t think, well, that’s not going to happen.

Zach Galifianakis: Tila, who would you?

Tila Tequila and Zach Galifianakis (simultaneously): Rhode Island.

Jennifer Aniston: Okay.

Zach Galifianakis: Wait. Hold on.

Zach Galifianakis looks around for a moment.

Zach Galifianakis: Go ahead.

A man dressed as stick of Speed Stick deodorant shuffles in behind Tila Tequila, Jennifer Aniston and Zach Galifianakis.

Speed Stick Man: Speed Stick. Deodorant for you BO-dorant!

The shot cuts to Tila Tequila and Speed Stick Man can be heard shuffling away in the background.

Tila Tequila: That’s so cute.

Zach Galifianakis: Tila, you’ve probably had a lot of wild adventures…

Tila Tequila: Oh yeah, absolutely.

Zach Galifianakis: …as far as romance is concerned. Have you ever done anything, like, in a car or anything?

Tila Tequila: Oh, the car, airplanes, and this weekend…

Jennifer Aniston: I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt…

Zach Galifianakis: I got a blowjob once on a motorcycle.

Jennifer Aniston: I’m going to let you guys finish, because I think this is unfinished business. So, why don’t I come back? I’m going to hit the green room.

Zach Galifianakis: Sure.

Jennifer Aniston: Did you get enough questions?

Zach Galifianakis: Actually, I have another question, if you don’t mind.

Jennifer Aniston: Well…

Zach Galifianakis: No, it’s for Tila.

Jennifer Aniston: You know what Zach?

Jennifer Aniston hits the red button next to Zach Galifianakis and the cheesy MIDI version of the Friends theme plays. Jennifer Aniston can be seen, but not heard, speaking intensely to Zach Galifianakis. She releases the red button in time to be heard saying the following.

Jennifer Aniston: You’re fat.

The video closes with a title that read BETWEEN TWO FERNS with ZACH GALIFIANAKIS Presented by Speed Stick.

Video ends.