Why Superman Should Never Have A Sidekick (Superman V Batman: The Unauthorized Adventures)

Matt Klinman: Don't worry orphans.
I'm going to get you out of there.
Zack Poitras: Never fear,
Superman is here.
- Superman.
- Batman, what's up?
Matt Klinman: I'm glad you're here.
The Joker left a bomb in
this orphanage,
Matt Klinman: and I'm trying to
figure out how to get in.
Zack Poitras: Got it.
Alright, and I also
brought reinforcements,
Zack Poitras: so it should
be really easy.
- Reinforcements?
- Yeah-yeah.
Zack Poitras: I brought reinforcements.
I've got a new sidekick.
Jam Jam!
Zack Poitras: Jam Jam! Forward now!
- [ growling ]
- [Batman] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
- There's a bear here.
- Yeah, he's a huge [bleep] bear.
- How cool is that right?
- That's your sidekick?
Zack Poitras: Yeah-yeah.
Jam Jam, hey!
Matt Klinman: Well, he's snapping
at your hand.
Matt Klinman: You're acting like you're petting
him, but what he's doing is
biting your hand, repeatedly.
Zack Poitras: Well... yeah.
That's how bears show love.
Matt Klinman: We have an orphanage right here.
We've got to save these orphans.
There's a bomb in there.
Zack Poitras: Jam Jam, stop
the bomb Jam Jam.
- Oh God.
- There you go Jam Jam.
Matt Klinman: You just put a wild bear
loose in this orphanage.
Matt Klinman: Oh, he's tearing
the kids to shreds.
You can hear--
Zack Poitras: Okay look, you know,
he's tearing some of
the kids to shreds,
Zack Poitras: the ones that are
trying to keep him from
saving the other kids.
Matt Klinman: Why would any child in
there be trying to prevent--
Zack Poitras: Hey, we don't know the
kind of orphanage politics
that are going on right now, okay.
Zack Poitras: So, you know,
I mean you were an orphan,
but I don't think you spent
Zack Poitras: much time in an orphanage,
correct me if I'm wrong.
[ Batman stammers ]
Zack Poitras: You were rich the whole
goddamn time weren't you?
Matt Klinman: What I know about these
orphans is they're being eaten by
Matt Klinman: a bear while a
bomb ticks away.
Matt Klinman: We have to get in
there and save them.
Zack Poitras: Alright, lets go.
After you.
- [ explosion ]
- Oh, jeez. Look at that.
- God.
- Jam Jam, did you see
the explosion Jam Jam?
Matt Klinman: Your bear is dead,
Superman.
Zack Poitras: Hey, you don't
know that okay.
Zack Poitras: You know, the way I have
seen him dig for ants it
Zack Poitras: just shows me that he's
not going to give up, okay.
Matt Klinman: There were 50
orphans in there.
Zack Poitras: Millions of ants.
That's what I'm saying.
Matt Klinman: Do you see how high
the flames are right now?
- Yeah. I mean--
- Do you think anything in
there has survived?
Zack Poitras: I think so.
I could still kind of hear
the faint screams of orphans.
Zack Poitras: Look at him.
He's coming out right there with a
pack of children on his back.
Matt Klinman: Jam Jam just saved
loads of orphans.
Zack Poitras: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt Klinman: I gotta say I was--
I was very wrong about
Jam Jam.
Zack Poitras: As you should be.
Hey, Superman I'm
sorry I'm late--
[screaming]
Matt Klinman: Oh God, Robin!
Zack Poitras: Spit him
out Jam Jam!
Zack Poitras: Spit him out!
- [ thud ]
- There you go.
Matt Klinman: It's just his head.
Just give it to me.
Zack Poitras: Alright.
Who runs right
into a bear's mouth?
Zack Poitras: That's my question.
Matt Klinman: That's not what
happened at all.