Hall of Fame
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(slow piano music)
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Sean: Okay.
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And send.
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Hello everyone.
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This is Sean Combs coming to you live
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from my office with some very,
very, very exciting news.
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It's about my favorite show
of all time, Downtown Abbey.
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Yes, I am a Abbeyhead
proudly, yes, yes, yes.
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Last week, it was reported that they
have casted the first black cast member
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on Downtown Abbey.
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The only problem with this is, I
already broke down that barrier.
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I'm making an announcement.
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I'm the first black cast member
on Downtown, Down, Downton Abbey,
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whatever the fuck it's called.
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On Downton Abbey and I've
got the scenes to prove it.
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Y'all check it out.
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(classical music)
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Female: Welcome to Downton.
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Sean: Why thank you.
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I'm Lord Wolcott and I'm the
new owner of Downtown Abbey.
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Robert: This is Carson, we
would be lost without him.
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Sean: Well, pleasure to meet you Carson.
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Robert: Mama, may I present Mrs. Crawley.
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Mrs. Crawley: What should
we call each other?
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Violet: Well, we could always start
with Mrs. Crawley and Lady Grantham.
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Sean: Oh, that was a little bitchy.
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Well, everybody just
go on like I'm not here
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but I will reiterate
my name is Lord Wolcott
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and I am the new owner of Downtown Abbey.
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I love it here.
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Thomas: Don't worry sir.
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I've got sharp eyes for
anything out of order.
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Sean: I understand what you're doing.
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You're keeping these hoes
in check around here.
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Always need something like that.
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What the
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motherfucker!
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What's wrong with you?
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Thomas: I'm sorry sir.
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Sean: Good god, have
you lost yourself man?
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I can't love you.
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Not when I love Sybil and Mary
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and Mrs. Patmore.
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and the Dowager Countess
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and a couple more of them maids.
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How could I have room for you?
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Hold up.
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Put your hand on my face one more time.
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Good, that's enough.
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I think I have room for you.
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I love you Thomas.
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I'm Lord Wolcott
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and I love everybody.
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Everybody welcome first ever white party.
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Enjoy yourselves.
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Have fun.
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(brooding music)
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(gun shot)
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(man gasps)
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Male: You don't want to leave.
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Robert: I still won't take your money.
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Sean: Hey guys!
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Up here!
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It's me Lord Wolcott!
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Come on up!
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It's delightful!
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I love it here at Downtown Abbey.
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I hate it here at Downtown Abbey.
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Mm, this fancy cake is divine.
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Do I detect a little nutmeg?
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I am lord of this godforsaken manor
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and all who oppose me shall perish!
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You say they call it a telephone?
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Hello?
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Male: [Look out]!
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Well, I knew you could walk!
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Judge: Guilty [unintelligible]
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Sean: What in the hell?
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You my good man, are a wonderful doctor.
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You ain't shit.
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This world war is so dreadful.
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I pray there's not a world war II.
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You wanna invest our money
into railroads in Canada?
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Nay, Lord Grantham.
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I found this little company named IBM.
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You may not know about it
but our kids will love it.
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All right, goddammit, y'all caught me.
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I'm not the real Lord Wolcott.
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My name is Budglee Shumpner.
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That's my real name.
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Isobel: Well, I don't know this young
man aside from good morning and goodnight
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but he strikes me as a very
interesting addition to the family.
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Violet: Oh, here we go.
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Sean: Here we go indeed.
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Now, why don't we stop this bickering
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and have a sip of some libation.
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Now, I want you two to kiss in front of me
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and I want you to use your tongues.
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Yeah, I love it here in Downtown Abbey.
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I wanna stay here forever and ever.
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Lord Wolcott loves Downtown Abbey
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and will be here forever.
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I'm [unintelligible]
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Wow.
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Now, that was some riveting period drama
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but you could check it out
yourself Abbeyheads right here.
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Here I am, in between
these two white people.
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You gotta make sure you get the
Lord Wolcott edition though.
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You could find that
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um, I don't know where you could find that
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but when you find it, I'll be on there
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and in there and I just have
to set the record straight,
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this is some real masterpiece
theater right here.
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Thank you, thank you.
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God bless.
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(lively music)
