Jiminy Glick Interviews 'Ronald McDonald'

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The video opens with Martin Short (as Jiminy Glick) sitting with Andy Dick (as Ronald McDonald) for an interview. Andy Dick’s face makeup is reminiscent of the Joker in The Dark Knight and his Ronald McDonald costume is covered with blood and torn in a number of places. The Ronald McDonald wig Andy Dick is wearing is also ragged and askew. He is wielding a meat cleaver.

Martin Short: I’m sitting with Ronald McDonald. Ronald, how are you?

Andy Dick: I couldn’t be better. I couldn’t be better.

Martin Short: Could I be honest with you. You seem a little frazzled.

Andy Dick: I’ve had a hard at the office

Martin Short: Let’s live through a Ronald McDonald day.

Andy Dick: Okay. I wake up every day and I go right to the factory and I start killing chickens. Me and all the umpa lumpa type characters.

Martin Short: They’re so much fun.

Andy Dick: Right.

Martin Short: Do you behead the chickens.

Andy Dick: We, no, we like to just boil them alive.

Martin Short: Boil them alive. That’s brave.

Andy Dick makes a screaming, in pain noise.

Andy Dick: To hear a chicken scream, it’s music to my ears.

Martin Short: I know you’ve killed so many chickens, but does the screaming of the death of a chicken ever become old or is always fun?

Andy Dick: It’s always fun. What I say is, to the chickens, ‘You, deserve a break today, in your legs and your wings,’ because I like to just snap their legs off and snap their wings.

Martin Short: You hear about PETA. PETA, oh, they’re so upset. What is your objection, when PETA objects to you? What do you want to say to PETA?

Andy Dick: Let us do our jobs. Let us break those chickens’ wings. Let us throw them in the scalding hot water and then be done with it. Turn them in to McNuggets.

Martin Short: Yes, because there are people who are, you know, obese and they need they need their food.

Andy Dick: What it boils down to is progress. It’s progress.

Martin Short: Progress. And who cares what the PETA pricks have to say?

Andy Dick: Who cares about those PETA pricks and who cares about the chickens? They’re just animals.

Martin Short: Oh, this is wonderful. This is a brave man. Ronald McDonald.

Andy Dick: Thank you. Thanks you.

Martin Short: And you’re a clown and you do all those funny things while killing the animals.

Andy Dick: Yes. Yes.

Martin Short: Because it’s kind of passively-aggressively, mentally unstable. I love that about you.

Andy Dick: I guess so. I guess so. I like to make the kids laugh and for some reason they do often cry.

Martin Short: They cry? And you really…

Andy Dick jumps to his feet and begins to do an odd dance while chanting.

Andy Dick: It’s time to boil the chickens. It’s time to boil the chickens.

Martin Short: Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Andy Dick settles back down into his seat.

Martin Short: Where does a, where does a, where does a Ronald McDonald go from here? Good question.

Andy Dick: Um, let’s see, well, I, I don’t think I can get any crueler with the chickens unless I maybe slowly waterboarded them. That’s a good idea.

Martin Short: Oh, that’s not bad.

The shot cuts a modified McDonalds logo that has a chicken head sticking out of the bottom and a chicken leg sticking out of the top. The following text appears next to the modified logo:

I’m hating it.
McCruelty.com
PETA