The Celebrity Hookup
The thing about sleeping with a celebrity is your girlfriend can't get upset.
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INT. APARTMENT- MORNING
The sun slices through the blinds. Clothes are hastily strung across the room, jeans, sport coat, bra, ear rings on the dresser. Two people lay on the queen bed. Shea and Anthony. Strangers before twelve hours ago. Shea is wearing an old Montana T-shirt, most likely from Anthony’s sock drawer. Her rustled blond hair falls across her face, messy but perfectly cut. She’s beautiful. Next Anthony is average, average height, average looks, not too fat, not too skinny, and your first instinct you think when seeing these two next to each other is “how the hell did he get a girl like her.” Both of them are laying on their sides with their heads towards each other.
SHEA OPENS HER EYES, She is a little taken back, not expecting to see Anthony there. She smiles.
SHEA
(Softly) Hi……..
ANTHONY
Good morning…. You sleep alright?
SHEA
Ah….. uh…. (sleepy)
ANTHONY
Do you have anywhere you need to be?
SHEA
I just want to sleep… So tired…..
(Softly) Hi……..
ANTHONY
Good morning…. You sleep alright?
SHEA
Ah….. uh…. (sleepy)
ANTHONY
Do you have anywhere you need to be?
SHEA
I just want to sleep… So tired…..
Anthony softly grabs the back of Shea’s head and rubs her neck. They fall asleep.
Fade to black
INT. LIVING ROOM-DDAY
Several hours later. Tight of a key goes into a lock, it turns. Reverse shot of the door. A woman walks into an empty apartment. Jess. She’s dressed professionally, skirt, heels, blouse. She walks in holding two cups of orange juice in a brown paper(bag?), sets down her coat on a chair and walks in
another room. As she walks by the camera pans to the right setting on a photo. It’s photo of Jess and Anthony together.
INT. BEDROOM DAY-
Bedroom. Anthony is sleeping on the right side of the bed. Jess is standing directly over him. Visually very upset, she’s on the verge of tears. Jess removes the lid from the orange juice and dumps it on Anthony. Startled Anthony wakes up.
ANTHONY
What was that for?
JESS
What the hell is going on?
What was that for?
JESS
What the hell is going on?
Anthony gets up, and stands across the bed from Jess. Shea sits up in the bed with the bed sheet covering Shea's legs.
JESS
Who is she?
SHEA
Is this your girlfriend?
JESS
Fiance.
SHEA(SPEAKING TO JESS)
I am so sorry. I had no idea.
ANTHONY
Jess calm down, it’s Shea Addison……… (explaining) My celebrity crush.
JESS
I thought we were joking about that.
ANTHONY
I wasn't - and you said you wouldn’t be upset.
JESS
I wasn’t serious.
ANTHONY
Well, I was...
JESS
You are such an asshole. We already sent out invitations.
ANTHONY
I think your being a little melodramatic. You’re saying you want to call off the wedding?
JESS
You’re cheating on me!
ANTHONY
I thought we had an agreement.
JESS
Thats just something that couples joke about, no one ever follows through with it.
ANTHONY
How was I spose to know that.
SHEA
(Upset and confused) What are you talking about Celebrity crush?
ANTHONY
Well, Jess and I both picked a celebrity, and agreed that if we ever had the opportunity, we could sleep with them - and the other person couldn’t be upset about it…….. (complaining) Apparently Jess isn’t holding up her part of the deal.
JESS
How are you even a celebrity?
SHEA
I'm a KWAC meteorologist.
JESS
What the hell is that?
ANTHONY
She's the weather girl on news channel 8.
JESS
She's on the news? A local celebrity shouldn't count.
SHEA
I was also on cooking with the stars.
ANTHONY
Of course a local celeberity should count, I think your missing the operative word here.
JESS
A local celebrity, isn't a celebrity. She's an equilvent to a club owner, or the those brothers who do the furniture commercials on tv.
ANTHONY
Don't be insulting, it's not my fault that that I actually had a reasonable choice.
SHEA(TO JESS)
Who was your pick?
ANTHONY
Patrick Duffy.
SHEA
(confused by the pick) The dad from Step by Step?
JESS
You must not have seen him when he was on Dallas.
SHEA
Was that the one with Linda Evans?
ANTHONY
No, that was Dynasty. Dallas is pretty much the exact same concept. You know “Who shot J.R.” episode?
SHEA
Did he play J.R.?
ANTHONY
No he played Bobby. J.R.’s brother.
SHEA
Was he the one who shot JR?
ANTHONY
No.
BEAT
Jess looks and realizes that Shea is wearing her Montana T-shirt.
JESS
Is she wearing my T-shirt?
A look of embarrassment comes over Shea’s face.
ANTHONY
Well, it’s not like she would fit into one of my shirts.
JESS
I can not believe you.
ANTHONY
You know Jess, if you can’t respect this agreement, how do I know you’ll be able to honor the contract of marriage.
JESS
You’re the one who cheated on me!
ANTHONY
I don’t think so.……. I wouldn’t be yelling at you if Patrick Duffy was laying here. It's kind of a double standard.
JESS
I wasn’t serious!! (yelling)
ANTHONY
Do you really need to yell? We have a guest…..
JESS
This is over.
Who is she?
SHEA
Is this your girlfriend?
JESS
Fiance.
SHEA(SPEAKING TO JESS)
I am so sorry. I had no idea.
ANTHONY
Jess calm down, it’s Shea Addison……… (explaining) My celebrity crush.
JESS
I thought we were joking about that.
ANTHONY
I wasn't - and you said you wouldn’t be upset.
JESS
I wasn’t serious.
ANTHONY
Well, I was...
JESS
You are such an asshole. We already sent out invitations.
ANTHONY
I think your being a little melodramatic. You’re saying you want to call off the wedding?
JESS
You’re cheating on me!
ANTHONY
I thought we had an agreement.
JESS
Thats just something that couples joke about, no one ever follows through with it.
ANTHONY
How was I spose to know that.
SHEA
(Upset and confused) What are you talking about Celebrity crush?
ANTHONY
Well, Jess and I both picked a celebrity, and agreed that if we ever had the opportunity, we could sleep with them - and the other person couldn’t be upset about it…….. (complaining) Apparently Jess isn’t holding up her part of the deal.
JESS
How are you even a celebrity?
SHEA
I'm a KWAC meteorologist.
JESS
What the hell is that?
ANTHONY
She's the weather girl on news channel 8.
JESS
She's on the news? A local celebrity shouldn't count.
SHEA
I was also on cooking with the stars.
ANTHONY
Of course a local celeberity should count, I think your missing the operative word here.
JESS
A local celebrity, isn't a celebrity. She's an equilvent to a club owner, or the those brothers who do the furniture commercials on tv.
ANTHONY
Don't be insulting, it's not my fault that that I actually had a reasonable choice.
SHEA(TO JESS)
Who was your pick?
ANTHONY
Patrick Duffy.
SHEA
(confused by the pick) The dad from Step by Step?
JESS
You must not have seen him when he was on Dallas.
SHEA
Was that the one with Linda Evans?
ANTHONY
No, that was Dynasty. Dallas is pretty much the exact same concept. You know “Who shot J.R.” episode?
SHEA
Did he play J.R.?
ANTHONY
No he played Bobby. J.R.’s brother.
SHEA
Was he the one who shot JR?
ANTHONY
No.
BEAT
Jess looks and realizes that Shea is wearing her Montana T-shirt.
JESS
Is she wearing my T-shirt?
A look of embarrassment comes over Shea’s face.
ANTHONY
Well, it’s not like she would fit into one of my shirts.
JESS
I can not believe you.
ANTHONY
You know Jess, if you can’t respect this agreement, how do I know you’ll be able to honor the contract of marriage.
JESS
You’re the one who cheated on me!
ANTHONY
I don’t think so.……. I wouldn’t be yelling at you if Patrick Duffy was laying here. It's kind of a double standard.
JESS
I wasn’t serious!! (yelling)
ANTHONY
Do you really need to yell? We have a guest…..
JESS
This is over.
Jess takes off her engagement ring, throws it at Anthony, and storms out slamming the door. Shea gets out of bed, she takes off the sheets and you see that she is actually wearing jeans.
SHEA
Why didn't you just tell her that we never slept together.
ANTHONY
(shrugs) She never asked.
Why didn't you just tell her that we never slept together.
ANTHONY
(shrugs) She never asked.
Cut to black
Roll credits.
Keywords: The Celebrity The Thing celebrity hookup sex chicago sternoff stars not 2girls1cup patheticgirl43
Credits: Director, Writer, Editor, Producer: Michael Sternoff. Starring Eva Swan, Michael Sternoff, and Alexa Ramirez.
Web Series: Web Series: Mike's short Films (4 of 5)

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4 comments
AWESOME ENDING!
Check out this skinny jeans video...
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1dc4ceb4f8/levi-s-skinny-jeans
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5da417d4ae/girl-in-the-garbage-room
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