Drunk History
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Dave Franco: God, you are so hot. I wanna strip you down butt a*s naked, and literally cover every single inch of your body with my tongue. I mean, up and down, left and right, until you can't stand it anymore. I mean your back is arched, you're clawing at my chest panting in my ear just fu**in begging for it. [Whispering] And then I enter you. [End Whispering] And we both cum almost instantaneously, in unison. And it's fu**ing epic.
[Music Playing]
Chris Mintz-Plasse: You're so hot, that I want to drop my cum bombs into your a*s trench, World War Two style.
[Music Playing]
Dave Franco: You're so hot, I'm gonna jerk you off into a Popsicle mold, and then I'm gonna freeze the cum, and then I'm gonna deep throat that cum-sicle. [Gagging Sounds]
Chris Mintz-Plasse: I wanna paint your tight little a*shole blue, and pretend like I'm fu**in' your avatar.
Dave Franco: Oh man, you are so fu**in' sizzling hot. I want Morgan Spurlock to direct a documentary on my life, but instead of eating McDonald's for thirty days straight, I'm gonna eat your a*shole.
[Music Playing]
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Deep Breath] You are so hot. I wanna go to a Justin Bieber concert, right when he gets off stage all sweaty like, I'm gonna steal him, take his precious little head, shove it so far up your a*shole that his lips come straight up to your pee hole, so when I jerk you off, as you're cumming, your pee hole's gonna sing to me. [Singing] Baby, baby, baby cum, right...
Both Sing: [Singing] Baby, baby, baby cum.
Dave Franco: I fu**in' love that song.
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Whispering] That's a fu**in' number one.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] That's fu**in' sexy.
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Whispering] Wait, wait, wait. One second.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Yeah, yeah.
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Whispering] Your lips.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Yeah, get me.
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Whispering] Look chapped.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Give me. Oh, yeah, get that lip, get that, get that bottom lip.
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Whispering] Okay, almost got it.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Mm.
Chris Mintz-Plasse: [Whispering] Gotta get the upper.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Oh yeah, get that upper deck.
Chris Mintz-Passe: [Whispering] Okay.
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Mm, get it.
Chris Mintz-Passe: [Whispering] That feel good?
Dave Franco: [Whispering] Mm. Wanna know how fu**in hot you are?
Chris Mintz-Passe: [Whispering] Breath tastes. Feel that?
Dave Franco: Yeah, you feel that sh**? Yeah, you wanna know how fu**in' hot you are?
Chris Mintz-Passe: [Whispering] Tell me how hot I am.
Dave Franco: You're so hot, I wanna take the extra foreskin of my uncircumcised c*ck.
Chris Mintz-Passe: That's my favorite part about you.
Dave Franco: And I wanna stretch it, and then I wanna press it like Silly Putty on a freshly printed newspaper to extract the ink. And then I wanna pull back, and I wanna have you read it back to me in your best Ray Fine impersonation...
Chris Mintz-Passe: [Choking Sounds]
Dave Franco: [Laughs] Oh, ho ho!
[Bells Ring]
[Crowd Cheering]
Chris Mintz-Passe: Mm. Good match.
Chris Mintz-Passe: Dude, your foreskin is touching my butt.
