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Phil Rosenthal stars as James Bond like you've never seen him before — a real mensch.
Published April 13, 2014 150k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring- Phil Rosenthal, Patton Oswalt, Martin Dew, Scott Rodgers and Kristen Viducic
Written by Jack Allison, Andy Bush and Phil Rosenthal
Directed by Andy Bush
Director of Photography - Mike Karnell
1st AC - Justin Westfall
Gaffer - Hitoshi Tomonon
Best Boy Electric - Nicholas Piatnik
Key Grip - Ian Thomas
Best Boy Grip - Joel Stout
Production Designer - Tricia Robertson
Set Dresser - Cara Mullinary
Art Director - John Flores
Hair & Make Up Artist - Amy Mills
Hair and Make Up Assistant - Jessica Leigh Schwartz
Wardrobe Stylist - Melissa Gould McNeely
Sound Mixer - Eugene Thompson for BoTown Sound
Editor - Jack Bishop and Justin Nijm
1st AD - Andrew Grissom
Production Assistants - Nick Fink, Bradley Poglitsch and Marissa Gallant
Production Coordinator - Ryan Scobey
Producer - Sean Boyle and Ben Sheehan

1

WHAT ABOUT YOUR LAW.

2

WHEN ARE YOU GUYS IN THE MOVIES
GOING TO STOP

3

GLAMORIZING GUNS?

4

I THINK THEY HAVE A POINT.
I HAVE TO JUST CHOOSE MOVIES

5

I MEAN, THAT AREN'T VIOLENT, OR
AS VIOLENT AS THEY USED

6

TO BE.

7

(SLOW MOTION) VIOLENT AS
THEY USED TO BE.

8

(SLOW MOTION) AS THEY USED TO BE.

9

(SLOW MOTION) USED TO BE.

10

11

(JAMES BOND THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

12

WHAT IS THAT?

13

THEY'RE GUNS JAMES.

14

I KNOW, BUT SO MANY. I MEAN, I'M ONE
GUY. HOW MANY GUNS DOES

15

A PERSON NEED?

16

(GUN SHOTS FIRE)

17

18

-HELLO.
-HEY.

19

AREN'T YOU--

20

BOND. JAMES BOND.

21

BUT YOU CAN CALL ME JIM, JIMMY.

22

(GUN SHOTS FIRE)

23

24

OH, HELLO. MAY I HELP YOU?

25

I FIND YOU TO
BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, MR. BOND.

26

(RECORD SCRATCH)

27

(STAMMERS), WHA-- WHAT ARE
YOU DOING? THERE'S NO REASON

28

FOR THAT. COME HERE. PUT THIS ON.

29

LET'S GO ELECTRIC. I WOULD EVEN
TAKE A PRIUS. I THINK

30

THOSE ARE ELECTRIC NOW.

31

DO YOU REALLY THINK A PRIUS
WOULD BE APPROPRIATE 007?

32

IT IS FOR ME. I MEAN, I'M-- WHAT AM
I, WHO AM I TRYING TO IMPRESS?

33

WHAT'S YOUR NAME HONEY?

34

IVANA HAVESEX.

35

I MEAN THE NAME
YOUR PARENTS GAVE YOU.

36

ANNIE ROBERTS.

37

ANNIE, DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

38

YEAH.

39

DID YOU MAJOR, WHAT
DID YOU MAJOR IN?

40

POLITICAL SCIENCE.

41

POLITICAL SCIENCE. THAT'S A
PERFECTLY GOOD MAJOR.

42

YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH
THAT? YOU CAN GO INTO

43

JOURNALISM.
OBVIOUSLY POLITICS.

44

(GUN SHOTS FIRE)

45

46

ONCE AGAIN MR. BOND, YOU ARE
TOO LATE TO PREVENT ME

47

IMPLEMENTING MY MASTER PLAN.

48

YES, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT
FOR A SECOND. I'M CURIOUS,

49

JUST WHAT IS IT EXACTLY THAT YOU WANT?

50

I WILL IRRADIATE THE WORLD'S
SUPPLY OF WHEAT.

51

THEY WILL NOT EAT, UNLESS
THEY PAY TRIBUTE TO ME.

52

HMM-- AND THEN WHAT?

53

(STAMMERS) I, WELL I WOULD,
I WOULD CONTROL THE WORLD,

54

BECAUSE THEY WOULD HAVE TO COME TO
ME FOR FOOD.

55

AND WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?

56

LIKE, WHAT'S YOUR DAY?

57

LIKE A PERFECT DAY--

58

LIKE, LET'S SAY, NOW YOU RULE
THE WORLD, AND YOU CAN

59

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. WHAT IS
YOUR DREAM DAY?

60

WELL, I... I WAKE UP, AND IN
THE BED NEXT TO ME IS...

61

SCARLETT JOHANSSON.

62

CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

63

YOU COULD HAVE THAT NOW.

64

YOU, YOU KNOW--

65

I KNOW SCARLETT VERY WELL.

66

AND YOU COULD COMMAND HER TOO--

67

I COULDN'T COMMAND HER, BUT I
COULD MAKE AN INTRODUCTION.

68

YOU STILL HAVE TO BE
CHARMING YOU KNOW.

69

MAYBE WORK ON YOURSELF A LITTLE
BIT. YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON.

70

THIS IS NOT YOU.

71

(STAMMERS) WHAT, WHAT IS-- DO
YOU KNOW SCARLETT PERSONALLY--

72

-YEAH. YEAH.
--LIKE YOU TALK TO HER?

73

HER FATHER AND I GO TO THE
SAME SCHOOL.

74

(JAMES BOND THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

75

LET'S CALL YOUR MOTHER, AND
TELL HER THAT YOU'RE OK.

76

-ALRIGHT?
-OK.

77

SHE'LL LIKE THAT.

78

C'MON. THEN WE'LL GET SOME COFFEE.

79

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