Virginity Losers - Awkward First Time in Rhyme

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Baby, I’m ready to lose my virginity.

But you’ve been in that bathroom for like an infinity.

Though I’m hungry for cock, I fear the worst.

Maybe we should try to just get drunk first.

This apprehension does not have great timin’

Since all that I want is to burst through your Hymen

But the last thing I want is you to be reserved.

So tell me your troubles, what has you unnerved?

Well, I tried everything that is Meant to Arouse...

I shaved everywhere ‘cept my scalp and my Eyebrows.

But After I shaved, I thought I’d get Cold feet,

Because my bald pussy reminds me of Lunch meat.

If your snatch is like cold cuts, It should feel incredible.

But unlike lunch meat, I’m sure that it’s edible.

Not that I’ve microwaved pre-packaged ham,

And into its folds, My penis did slam.

Well, let’s get in bed and turn out the light...

But try to be careful, my cunt hole is tight.

And just so we don’t have to Risk Procreation,

I’ve purchased condoms, diaphragms, and lubrication.

Spermicide’s also a product I Bought,

But I’m not sure how this stuff will fit up your twat.

Though it may seem too much for our Lustful contortion,

That stuff should prevent any Need for abortion.

Yes, it is quite an expansive selection.

Now all that I need is to get an erection.

To give you a boner, I’d dance like a Who-er.

But about my body, I feel Insecure

Let’s forget this pressure and just go to bed.

And if you get wood, I’ll give you head.