Expecto Problemo

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June 13, 2012


I got the dark lord being a poor sport
Try'na make sure that my life's cut short
The daily prophet wants me to be sent to court
I'm from the hood stupid, Privet Drive #4
If you grew up with holes in your muggle clothes
You was celebratin the minute you had wizard robes
I'm like, fuck the dursley's you can do your own damn chores,
and if you don't like my spells you can cast protego
Got a beef with Draco, and all of Slytherin, yo
On the quidditch pitch, but he's a bitch, SO
The ministry try to use my famous ass,
To make people think that Voldemort ain't back (Fuck em)
I don't know what you think of me, son
or understand the power of the chosen one
From rags to riches, wizard
I ain't dumb, I got 99 problems, but a witch ain't one


The year's Oh-four, in my trunk there's more
magical items than Ollivander's store
On my Firebolt, yo, through the sky I soa
When up roll Fudge and two dementors
Now I ain't trying to cast no Patronus charm,
and I'm already on the run from the laws long arm,
So I pull over outta the sky, I hea
Son, I'm stoppin ya, do you wanna know why?
Cuz I'm young, with black hair, and a scar 'tween my eyes
Do I look like a death eater, sir? I ain't one of those guys
Am I under arrest, or should I give divination a try
Well you was doing 56 in a 55 (uh huh)
License and registration, please hand over the owl
Are you carrying a weapon on you, maybe a deathly hallow?
I ain't handin hedwig to you, she's my bird, foo
Well, can I look around your trunk for a minute or two?
My invisibility cloak's hidden, so's my Marauder's Map,
And my trunk is locked, so you'll need Alohomora for that
Aren't you sharp as Hermoine,
you some type of auror or something? somebody important or something?
I ain't passed my NEWTs, but I know just enough,
that if you mess with my friends, things are gonna get rough,
We'll see how tough you are in Azkaban, son
I got 99 problems, but a witch ain't one.


Now once upon a time, not too long ago,
A wizard like myself had to disarm a foe
Now this is not a foe in the sense of being a teacher,
But a teacher havin no god damn sense, turned death eate
I tried to ignore him, talk to dumbledore
spy on him, cuz this fool's got dark marks on his arm
You know the type, loud as hagrid's bike
Who wouldn't bust a bean in a bertie bott's fight
And only thing that's gonna happen
I'ma get to castin and
Snape and his boys are gonna be blasted in their asses
There go Ron and Neville late for class again
Filch in the corridor, harrassin' them
Drinking polyjuice out the flask again
Tryin to find ravenclaw's lost diadem
The DA's makin wizards badass again
Half a mill in Gringott's, that's in Galleons
Seein' Dumbledore's eye in the glass again
and I'm blowin this shit up like Seamus Finnegan
Ain't no better seeker. Fuck Victor Krum.
I got 99 problems, but a witch ain't one.