Starring Laz Alonso as Doc Alexis Bledel as Lady Jaye Billy Crudup as Zartan Zach Galifiankais as Snow Job Tony Hale as Dr. Mindbender Vinnie Jones as Destro Joey Kern as Tomax Joey Kern as Xamot Chuck Liddell as Gung Ho Julianne Moore as Scarlett Henry Rollins as Duke Alan Tudyk as Shipwreck Olivia Wilde as The Baroness and Sgt. Slaughter as Himself Also featuring Jamin Fite as Cobra Commander Frankie Kang as Storm Shadow Geoff Mann as Buzzer Andreas Owald as Snake Eyes Daniel Strange as Torch Kevin Umbricht as Ripper Written by Daniel Strange & Kevin Umbricht Directed by Daniel Strange Produced by Kevin Umbricht, Josh Simpson, and Mike Farah Grips: Will Hines, Matthew Weir, Paul Nadjmabadi Production Assistants: Sean Boyle, Kevin F. Kearns, Kat O'Connor and Carly Rhodes Cinematography: Maarten de Boer Makeup: Kat Bardot Vinnie Jones Makeup: Alexei O’Brien Billy Crudup Makeup: Joanna Stewart Julianne Moore Makeup: Susan Lehane Costuming by: Kevin Umbricht, Shanna Knecht, Adam Doyle Animation: Pal Moore Music produced, arranged, recorded and performed by Geoff Mann Lead Vocals: Kevin Umbricht Clarinet: Matt Moon Additional recording Nicholas Sevilla and Matt Moon Mastered by Scott Craggs at Old Colony Special Thanks: UCB Theater in New York, John Frusciante, Maureen Grosser, Paul Kuhn, Tom Spriggs, Robbie Kass, Ian Cohen, Martin Torres, Brad Marks, Geoff Barnett, Daisy Wu, Kevin Kay, Paul Incerto, Nick Nacca, Nick Nacca Studios, Alan J. Kirby, All-Pro Media Burlington, Adam Doyle, Drew Antzis, Lenvil King Jr., Brad Schulz
Kevin Umbricht & Geoff Mann: Two forces waging endless war. Every day they waste more. But when the day is done, and they go home, what do they do for fun?
Kevin Umbricht: Night falls on G.I. Joe headquarters. Shipwreck just got season one of The Wonder Years. Doc is reading Dostoyevsky, and Snow Job's drinkin' beer.
Geoff Mann: I heard he likes to drink quite a bit.
Kevin Umbricht: Snake Eyes is painting landscapes. It makes him feel at peace. His latest is a series of sunsets on the beach.
Kevin Umbricht & Geoff Mann: And Scarlett lies awake and wonders 'will Duke still love me when I'm old? I see the way he looks at Lady Jaye. Some day he's gonna leave me in the cold.'
Geoff Mann: No, Duke, don't go.
Kevin Umbricht: Night falls on the Cobra Terror Drome. Storm Shadow's takin' out the trash.
Kevin Umbricht: Tomax is boosting Xamot's wallet, he needs the extra cash.
Kevin Umbricht: Cobra Commander loves seventies boogie. And he's a big fan of Three Dog Night.
Geoff Mann & Kevin Umbricht: One is the loneliest number.
Kevin Umbricht: And when he takes over the world, the first thing he'll do is make 'em reunite.
Kevin Umbricht & Geoff Mann: And Zartan sits up late and wonders 'I wonder, wonder who, who is the real me?'
Geoff Mann: Oh, oh, oh oh.
Kevin Umbricht & Geoff Mann: 'And in the end, do I really have any friends? Who love me for being Zartan, who love me for being me.
Kevin Umbricht: Destro!
Geoff Mann: Destro!
Kevin Umbricht & Geoff Mann: Destro and the Baroness! Destro and the Baroness are practicing the clarinet. Destro and the Baroness are practicing the clarinet. Practicing the clarinet. They're practicing the clarinet!
Kevin Umbricht: Doctor Mindbender is talking on his HAM radio. His best friend is some guy he doesn't even know. If things could always be this way, wouldn't that be nice? But no dice.
Geoff Mann: No dice, no dice.
Kevin Umbricht: Cobra's got the mass device.