The video opens with scenes of a party. People are drinking and
laughing in small groups. The scene cuts to shot of Paris Hilton
sitting at a table.
Paris Hilton: My fellow Americans. As you know I’m running for President and I’ve sought out the advice of an expert.
The camera zooms out and pans right to reveal that Martin Sheen is sitting next to Paris Hilton.
Martin Sheen: I don’t usually go to this kind of party.
Paris Hilton: It’s actually a pre-party for the party I’m throwing for the after-party.
Martin Sheen: I don’t know what that means.
Paris Hilton: Sorry to drag you into the kitchen, but I need a quiet
place to seek the advice of one of our nation’s greatest fake
Martin Sheen: During my fake presidency the kitchen was always my favorite spot to solve the great fake issues of our time.
Paris Hilton: Running for fake President is a little daunting.
Martin Sheen: I gotta tell you though, Paris, you know being a fake
President is a lot harder today than it was when I was a fake
President. My fake administration started before the country took some
hits. It was the go-go Nineties, when people invested in a website that
sold dog food because a puppet told them to do it.
Paris Hilton: Nowadays, sound bytes, not sound policy, determine ou
country’s course. I plan to bring a fake balanced approach to these
real problems. For example, FoPo.
Martin Sheen: What is FoPo?
Paris Hilton: Foreign policy, silly.
Martin Sheen: Of course BF, I should have known that one.
Paris Hilton: If you’re looking for victory in Iraq, haven’t we already
found it. Iraq has a democratic government that is asking for us to
leave. It seems that we have done our job and we should bring ou
troops home safely.
Martin Sheen: Loves it and makes perfect sense. But what about the economy?
Paris Hilton: Well, this is the biggest depression since The Notebook.
How about helping the people who are losing their homes. Maybe, lowe
the inflated interest rates so that it’s not impossible for them to pay
their mortgage. I know it’s not as much money for the banks, but, it’s
better than no money at all. Just ask MC Hammer.
Martin Sheen: Ok, I will. And you know kid, I gotta tell you. If I were
you, I wouldn’t worry about a thing. You’re gonna make a great fake
Paris Hilton: Thanks
Charlie Sheen opens the kitchen door.
Charlie Sheen: Hey guys, guys, you’re missing it. They’re playing Iraq
lobster. You know a B fifty…Dad, what are you doing here?
Martin Sheen: I’m giving some fake advice to the next fake President.
Charlie Sheen: Oh, well I’ll make sure to fake vote for you.
Martin Sheen: That’s my boy!
Paris Hilton: Loves it.
Charlie Sheen: Alright, well I’m gonna go get into the hot-tub.
Paris Hilton: America was at its best when it was on NBC.
Martin Sheen: Wait til it’s on MTV.
Martin Sheen gets up out of the chair.
Martin Sheen: Well, peace all.
Martin Sheen leans over and gives Paris Hilton a kiss on the cheek.
Paris Hilton: Peace out.
Martin Sheen: Oh, yes, there you go.
Paris Hilton: Bye sexy. [Hilton waves at Sheen and looks into the camera] See you at the fake inauguration, bitches.