I figger its time fur a holurday speshul so i pick Hallerween cuz its Oktoberfest... more »
I figger its time fur a holurday speshul so i pick Hallerween cuz its Oktoberfest time. i foun out layter thet theeres no sucha thang as caneed zanex. its a spooky edishun uv my show but i wuz drugged up by Fedex. Can i soo fur thet?
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It's Loretta Jenkins.
And it's Halloween time here
at How I Seize It.
There's a hole here...
Hell to the yeah!
Shit, I can't wear this mask the whole time.
I can't get my straw and my cigarette...
I'm kind of ambivalent to this holiday anyway
cause it's for youngins and I hate youngins.
It takes them like forever to learn how to talk.
They just look at you all stoop-eyed
and they squall and cry
and that's why I had my uterus
yanked out with that liver.
I scared Buffy today-
You know how you say,
"I scared the shit out of somebody?"
She ran out the room
and I found shit in the bathroom,
but it was on the floor,
she don't go in the commode.
I reckon she would have preferred a treat!
You know, I will eat some candy sometimes
and one of my evicteds got a Fed Ex package
and it had some foreign kinda candy in it
and it's got like a little picture drawn on it.
I didn't eat but like two or three of them.
Maybe they candied Xanax!
Yeah, I could roll with that.
I looked it up on the internets,
but all I could find was something about MDMA.
Maybe it's African candy.
Y'all know what I don't understand
about grown ups and Halloween?
I seen this thing online.
Daggum, y'all won't believe what I done seen.
There is people out there havin' sex
dressed up like aminals.
You know, y'all ought to see somebody about that.
Sounds like y'all havin' some kinda petraphelia or somethin'.
Them dumbassess out there
ought to have to wear anklets
like To Catch A Predators,
so we know what kind of freaks
we tryin' to deal with out here in this world.
And some of them sunsabitches even goes to church.
Now that's got to break a commandment up there somewhere.
Thou shalt not fuck aminals.
You can fuck like rabbits,
but you can't fuck like a Mickey Mouse.
I got a question for y'all.
How do y'all keep from passin' out
wearin' one of them big ole giant ass fur?
I don't think I could fuck a mascot.
Ours in high school
was this big ole challenged girl from Alaska-
We called her Caribou Palsy.
She had one regular leg
and one little bitty ole doll leg.
It was like a...baby leg!
I don't think I wanna be thinkin'
about 'Palsy' while I'm gettin' nailed.
I think them candied Xanaxes is kickin' in.
You know what I could fuck a Smurf!
Or a wolf sound kindly hot.
And be careful when you openin' up your emails
cause somebody who ain't gettin'
no hot water for a month
sent me that video with that dude and that horse.
Y'all, that's just two miles down the road.
I think I used to ride that horse
when we was both ponies.
So folks is havin' sex with Furbies.
Hell, I'll try anything once.
I ain't ignurnt.
What's your name?
(monster garbled talk)
Oooh, that's a sexy name.
You mighty cute.
I like you cause you blue.
You got any Smurf in you?
Could I have some Smurf in me?
Well, what's goin' on down there?
What, you wanna kiss first?
Damn this is gross.
Oooh, I'm so horny!
Get off of me!
Oh I swear-
Teach you to bite my fuckin' lip!
Anyways, Happy Halloween
if you into that shit
and that's How I Seize It.