The video opens with a shot of a hallway. The following text appears at
the bottom of the screen: General Hospital Dressing Rooms – Winter 2009.
The shot zooms in on a room and then cuts inside the room to reveal
James Franco sitting on a couch, looking unhappy. James Franco sighs and
shakes he head negatively. There is a knock at the door and crew membe
pops his head into the room.
Crew Member: James, you're on in five. Oh, it's your buddy Sam Raimi's birthday today.
The crew member leaves and James Franco stands up.
James Franco (angry): I know it's his birthday! He's only like a really good friend of mine.
James Franco begins pacing in the room.
James Franco: I just don't know why he killed me off in the third movie. Now look at me.
James Franco walks over and sits down in front a mirror. There are
Post-It notes on the mirror. One says, Sam said you were friends!
Another says Spider Man 4??
James Franco: Why'd he do that? I was really good in those movies.
Really good. Flying around on my glider. Acting with Bill Paxton's dad.
Now, nothing.
James Franco rests his head on his arms. Laughter is heard in the
background. James Franco lifts his head and looks in the mirror to see
Bill Hader looking back at him, dressed to look like Willem Dafoe's
character from Spider-Man. Dramatic music plays.
Bill Hader: Hello James.
James Franco leaps up from his seat and backs away from the mirror.
James Franco: Who are you?
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: It's me. I'm supposed to be Willem Dafoe.
The shot cuts to James Franco.
James Franco: Oh. Well, what are you doing here?
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: Well, I don't know. You look sad, son.
James Franco: I'm not your son.
Bill Hader: Okay.
The shot cuts to James Franco.
James Franco: But no, everything's not okay. I mean, on top of everything, Sam Raimi's not putting me in Spider-Man 4.
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: Well, at least you lasted through three movies. I got
knocked off at the end of the first one. Sam Raimi. He's no friend to
you or anybody.
The shot cuts to James Franco.
James Franco: Look, Sam likes me. Okay?
Bill Hader: If he liked you, he would have made you Spider-Man in the first place, instead of Topher whatever his face.
James Franco: He wanted me for Spider-Man. It was the studio!
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: Yeah, and if Sam had his way, John Malkovich would have been the Green Goblin.
The shot cuts to James Franco.
James Franco: Look, Sam's my friend.
Bill Hader: No one's Sam Raimi's friend.
James Franco: I love him.
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: Oh, no one loves Sam Raimi.
The shot cuts to James Franco.
James Franco: He's a great director!
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: Did you see Crimewave?
The shot cuts to James Franco.
James Franco: Yeah.
The shot cuts to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: I saw that movie on an airplane and people still walked out.
Bill Hader stares at James Franco for a moment before he starts
laughing. The shot cuts to James Franco who shakes his head in the
negative.
James Franco: That is messed up Willem.
The shot cuts back to Bill Hader.
Bill Hader: You don't need him.
James Franco: I do need him!
Bill Hader (screaming): No, you don't!
James Franco (also screaming): No, I love Spider-Man!
Bill Hader (still screaming): Avenge me!
James Franco (screaming): No!
Bill Hader (screaming): Avenge me!
James Franco (screaming): Why?
Bill Hader: Because it's the only thing I know to say!
Bill Hader's cell phone starts to ring.
Bill Hader: Wait. I'm getting a phone call.
Bill Hader answers the phone.
Bill Hader: This is Willem. (gets a surprised look) Sam? Sam. Hello,
Sam. Of course I'll play the old lady in Drag Me To Hell 2.
James Franco tries to get Bill Hader's attention and indicates that he wants to have the phone.
Bill Hader: I'm actually sitting here with James. No. Franco. He's the guy from Milk.
The shot cuts to James Franco who looks disgruntled.
Bill Hader: No, the other one. (to James Franco) James, he's seen it right?
James Franco: Yeah, he's seen it.
Bill Hader (to “Sam Raimi”): I'll get you the DVD. I'm already there
Sammy boy. James, this is awkward, but you're gonna need to leave.
James Franco shakes his head and walks off camera. The shot cuts to the following text:
Happy Birthday Sam
Love James and friends
The shot cuts an outtake. The camera is on Bill Hader.
James Franco: He's a great director!
Bill Hader: You ever see Crimewave? Did you? Did you get it on DVD? Newsflash, you can't.
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