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Did you watch the Grammy's and cry when Queen Latifah married gay people? Bryan... more »
Published January 28, 2014 72k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

THIS IS THROWING SHADE.

2

WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

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AND HOMOSENUAL BRYAN SAFI, TAKE A LOOK AT THE

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HEADLINES AND POLITICS, AND POP CULTURE,

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AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH LESS RESPECT THAN

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THEY DESERVE.

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CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

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THAT CROW...

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OH THERE IS A CROW OUTSIDE THAT I WANT TO MAKE EAT CROW.

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I WANT TO FORCE THAT CROW IN TO CANNIBALISM.

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WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH A CROW?

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I HAVE 3 OPTIONS. TELL ME WHAT THE BEST ONE IS.

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SHOOT IT WITH AN ARROW.

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OKAY.

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UMM, TAKE A REGULAR HOSE OUT WITH A SQUEEZY HAND...

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- YES. THAT SEEMS RACIST.
- DO THAT...

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YOU JUST PUT IT IN A PILLOW CASE,

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TIE IT UP, AND THEN, KNOW WHAT I MEAN, JUST

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PUT IT ON YOUR BED, AND SLEEP ON IT.

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YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW

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WHICH ONE HAS THE REINCARNATED SOUL OF BRANDON LEE.

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- KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YEAH.
- THAT'S VERY TRUE.

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YOU BRING UP BRANDON LEE...

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AT LEAST TWICE A YEAR.

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QUITE OFTEN. IN THIS PODCAST.

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HE WAS MY JAM IN THE 90S...

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OH.

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OR WHAT HAVE YOU.

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SO COOL.

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WELL HE WAS DIED TOO YOUNG.

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HE WAS ALSO, NOT TO SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD, BUT HE WAS

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A SHITTY ACTOR.

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HE WAS?

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YEAH.

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WASN'T HE JUST IN THE CROW?

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HE WAS ONLY IN THE CROW.

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YOU'RE MAKING A LOT OF ASSUMPTIONS.

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HE DID A LOT OF FACE ACTING IN THE CROW.

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HE DID A LOT OF GRITTING TEETH STUFF.

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YEAH.

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YEAH.

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I THOUGHT HE WAS...I DON'T REMEMBER.

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IF YOU WANT TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, YOUR NOT GIVING IT TO ME.

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YEAH.

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BY THE WAY, I DO HAVE THE SICKNESS.

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THAT'S WHY I HAVE KATHLEEN TURNER VOICE.

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I WAS EXPECTING MORE FROM YOUR VOICE HONESTLY...

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YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD ME YESTERDAY...

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YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE A KATHLEEN TURNER VOICE

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AND I WAS EXPECTING LIKE, (HUSKY VOICE) THE FULL THING.

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YESTERDAY, I COUGHED ALL DAY.

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SO SICK.

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COULDN'T DO ANYTHING.

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COULDN'T GO TO A BRUNCH I WASN'T INVITED TO THAT I SAW ON INSTAGRAM.

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WHY WOULD YOU GO TO A...OH I SEE.

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YEAH.

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I CAN'T EVEN MEET ONE PERSON FOR BRUNCH ON THE WEEKENDS, BECAUSE

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FOR ME SATURDAY MORNING IS REALLY IT FOR ME.

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SATURDAY IS MY ONLY DAY OFF, AND IT'S NEVER A DAY OFF.

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BRAGGING.

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I AM BRAGGING.

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WELL HERE'S THE...

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I'M VERY BUSY, SO MANY FRIENDS, SO MANY THINGS TO DO...

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YEAH, YOU'VE GOT...

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BUYING ALL MY JEWELRY.

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YOU'VE GOT SO MANY JEWELS ON RIGHT NOW.

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(SIGH)

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I'M COUNTING THEM, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN,

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EIGHT NINE RINGS.

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ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I WENT TO THE PAWN SHOP...

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YES I NEVER WEAR ONE ON MY RIGHT THUMB.

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I WENT TO THE PAWN SHOP, AND I SAID LIKE, YOU KNOW, WHAT DO YA THINK.

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AND THEY SAID, WELL, WE'LL GIVE YOU, YOU KNOW...

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THEY SUITED YOU UP.

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ABSOLUTELY, AND THEN I SAID, IS THERE ANYONE WHO JUST COME IN HERE WHO

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SOLD THEIR WEDDING RING BUT THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BECAUSE THEY NEED THE CASH,

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AND THEN THEY'RE HOPING TO COME BACK AND GET IT? HE SAID, YEAH THERE'S A FEW

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AND I GO, I'LL TAKE ALL OF THOSE RINGS.

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THAT'S FUNNY.

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YEAH.

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IN THE CROW, ONE OF THE SCENES IS HE TAKES A BUNCH OF WEDDING RINGS,

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AND PUTS THEM IN A SHOT GUN, AND HE SHOOTS A PAWN SHOP DUDE WITH A

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SHOTGUN FULL OF WEDDING RINGS.

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THAT IS NOT TRUE.

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IT IS TRUE.

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IT WAS THE FIRST TIME EVER IN THE HISTORY OF WEAPONRY IN MOVIES...

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THAT RINGS WERE EVER USED VIOLENTLY.

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REALLY?

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YEAH.

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I DON'T KNOW.

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EXCEPT IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH GIRLS.

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GIRLS?

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YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHEN GIRLS FIGHT IN HIGH SCHOOL?

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THEY TURN THEIR RINGS AROUND BEFORE THEY HIT SOMEBODY.

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IN MY HIGH SCHOOL, GIRLS USED TO PUT RAZORBLADES IN THEIR TEETH, AND

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CARRY RAZOR BLADES...

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NO...

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YES.

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THAT'S LIKE URBAN MYTH...

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I SAW A GIRL DO IT.

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I WAS IN D HALL...

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JUST LIKE CARRYING A RAZOR BLADE UNDER HER TEETH ALL DAY?

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FOR WHAT?

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I WAS IN D HALL FOR SKIPPING LUNCH, WHICH C'MON, IT'S LUNCH.

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YEAH...

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I WAS BUSTED FOR THAT, I WAS IN THE VICE PRINCIPALS OFFICE.

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THERE WAS A GIRL THERE, AND I WAS...SHE WAS TRYING TO TELL

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ME THERE WAS A GANG PROBLEM AT OUR HIGH SCHOOL, AND

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WAS LIKE, YOU'RE CRAZY.

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SHE GOES, BITCH YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

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THEN PROCEEDS TO TAKE HER TONGUE AND REMOVE A RAZOR BLADE

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FROM HER TONGUE, WITHOUT HER...LIKE ALMOST, YOU KNOW

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HOW GIRLS WILL LIKE TIE CHERRY...

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YEAH...

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WHAT DO THEY CALL THEM?

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(TOGETHER) CHERRY STEMS.

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YEAH...

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THIS GIRL DID THAT WITH A RAZOR BLADE.

119

WHAT KIND OF TRASH PUT A NOW AND LATER IN THEIR MOUTH...

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SHE LITERALLY SWITCH BLADED A RAZOR BLADE OUTSIDE OF OUR MOUTH

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WITH HER TONGUE, AND THEN SWITCH BLADED IT BACK IN.

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I MEAN THAT'S PRETTY LIKE, THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

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YEAH.

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WHICH IS ALSO CRAZY.

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DID YOU DO THE GRAMMY'S?

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LOOK AT MY HAIR, AND TELL ME I DIDN'T DO THAT?

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YEAH.

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I WATCHED ONE CLIP...

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DID YOU WATCH TAYLOR SWIFT THINKING SHE WON ALBUM...DID YOU SEE THAT?

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NO.

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SHE THOUGHT SHE WON ALBUM OF THE YEAR SO SHE GOES, AND THEN SHE REALIZES

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THAT IT WASN'T HER NAME CALLED FOR ALBUM OF THE YEAR.

133

ERIN: SO SHE WASN'T LISTENING...

134

SHE JUST ASSUMED.

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I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER ANYMORE.

136

I'VE BEEN DOING CROSSFIT.

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YOU'VE HAVE?

138

SO YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IT?

139

EVERYONE...I WALK IN AND EVERYONE...

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DO YOU DO DISCUS THROW WITH 45 LBS...

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I DO A BISCUIT THROW.

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YEAH.

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I MAKE FRESH BISCUITS, AND THEN I THROW THEM AS FAR AS I CAN.

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I DO THAT FOR ABOUT 3-4 HOURS.

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DO YOU LET THEM GET STALE SO THEY ARE LIKE HEAVIER?

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NO. I MEAN BY THE 4TH HOUR IT DOES GET VERY HARD ON MY HANDS.

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DO YOU KNOW THAT ONE OF THE ACTUAL EXERCISES AT CURVES IS A BEAN

148

BAG TOSS?

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BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE, JUST LIKE, WELL I'M GOING TO WORK OUT TODAY,

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GETTING ALL OUTFITTED, AND THEN JUST LIKE...

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WELL HERE'S TO GETTING FIT IN 2014.

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CLINK.

153

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BE AGGRESSIVE.

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BE, B E AGGRESSIVE.

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BRYAN, IT'S NOT JUST A CHANT FOR WOLVES.

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DO THEY LIVE IN CAVES?

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OF COURSE.

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YEAH.

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- YEAH, THEY LIVE IN CAVES WITH CURTAINS...
- WOLF, PACK.

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WOLF, DEN.

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YEAH, THEY LIVE IN DENS WITH A DINING ROOM TABLE...

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A NICE OAK...

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A BEAUTIFUL OVERSTUFFED COUCH.

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A STUNNING ORIENTAL RUG.

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WIDESCREEN TV.

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- ABSOLUTELY.
- YEAH.

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SMALL BEER FRIDGE NEXT TO THE RECLINER.

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HUNTER GREEN LEATHER COUCH.

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DUCKS MOUNTED ON THE WALL.

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YEAH. SO BE AGGRESSIVE AS YOU KNOW IS A CHEER THAT

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A LOT OF CHEERLEADERS KNOW. BECAUSE IT'S LIKE YOUR

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BASE LEVEL CHEERLEADING.

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IT'S LIKE, YEAH...

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LIKE IF YOU'RE SINGING THAT, YOUR LIKE STRING GAGE.

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YEAH. CHEERLEADERS, GO OUT, THEY SING IT, SO THAT THE

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TEAM CAN SCORE A BIG ONE FOR THE CITY.

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YEP.

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RIGHT?

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YEAH.

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SO NOW CHEERLEADERS ARE TAKING THEIR OWN ADVICE.

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THEY'RE BEING AGGRESSIVE.

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LACY T. WHO WAS NOT LACY TEE, NOT LIKE A...

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NOT LIKE A SEXY, LACY T-SHIRT, YEAH.

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I LOVE LACY TEE SHIRTS.

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SHE'S SUING THE RAIDERS FOR BEING DICKS ABOUT HER CHEERLEADER PAY, AND

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BREAKING CALIFORNIA LABOR LAWS.

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SO ACCORDING TO THE SUIT, LACY IS SUING FOR BEING

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PAID LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE. CLAIMING THAT HER CHEERLEADER SALARY

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OF $1250 DOLLARS FOR THE SEASON ENDED UP BEING LESS THAN $5 DOLLARS AN

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HOUR FOR WORK THAT INCLUDED APPEARANCES AT GAMES, REHEARSALS, AND

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CHARITY EVENTS.

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JEEZ...

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YEAH.

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THIS IS THE OTHER FUCKED UP THING.

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THEY'VE KIND OF INSTILLED THIS IDEA THAT IT'S A PRIVILEGED

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TO BE ONE OF THESE DANCERS, AND THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE SUCH LOW

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PAY, BUT IF YOU'RE LIKE A GUY WHO WANTS TO, I DON'T KNOW,

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DRESS UP LIKE A MOUNTAIN LION OR A HUMAN SAUSAGE...

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BRYAN: THE MASCOT?

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ERIN: YES. YOU CAN MAKE ANYWHERE FROM $40,000 DOLLARS.

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THAT'S THE LOW END. TO, UM, THERE'S ONE GUY WHO PLAYS

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SOMEWHERE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE, BUT HE MAKES SIX FIGURES.

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(LAUGHS) OH MY...

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I THINK HE'S IN DENVER.

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WELL, THAT'S HARD WORK.

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THE DENVER NUGGET HEAD.

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YEAH.

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YEAH. HE'S A FULL CHICKEN MCNUGGET, WITH THE BODY OF A CHICKEN.

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OH, SO IT'S A BRANDED THING?

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YEAH.

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OR WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW. HE DOES DUNKS.

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DO THEY PUT LITTLE FANS IN THERE?

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LIKE LITTLE A.C. OR FANS?

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FANS? NO THEY...IT'S THE BEST DIET, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO GO ON A DIET...

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IT'S LIKE GOING INTO A SWEAT LODGE.

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YEAH, YOU'RE BASICALLY JUST WEARING A SPA. A SAUNA AROUND YOU ALL THE TIME.

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GWYNETH PALTROW IS GOING TO BE A MASCOT VERY SOON, SHE LOVES IT.

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JUST BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL HEALING EFFECTS ON YOUR SKIN.

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YOU ALSO LOVE SMALL TRAMPOLINES. SO THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU?

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OH I LOVE SMALL...LIKE A WORK OUT TRAMPOLINE?

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A MINI-TRAMP...

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I WOULD NEVER EVEN TOUCH THE FLOOR OF MY APARTMENT.

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I JUST GO FROM SMALL TRAMPOLINE TO SMALL TRAMPOLINE.

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I JUST BOUNCE THE WHOLE...IN THE MORNING, IT'S KIND OF ANNOYING.

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KNOW WHAT I MEAN, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T FULLY WOKEN UP.

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YEAH.

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BUT I'VE NEVER...I'VE MOVED IN, AND THEY SAID, PLEASE, PLEASE,

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PLEASE, MOVE IN, WE ARE BEGGING YOU.

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AND I SAID, I JUST NEED MY SMALL TRAMPOLINE, AND SO I SET THEM ALL UP.

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YEAH. HERE ARE THE LIST OF FINES THAT A RAIDERETTE CAN INCUR.

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$10 DOLLARS FOR NOT BRINGING CORRECT POM-POMS TO PRACTICE.

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$10 DOLLARS FOR DIRTY BOOTS.

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YOU WOULD BE OFF THE TEAM FOR THAT.

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YOUR BOOTS ARE ALWAYS DIRTY.

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BECAUSE YOU KNOCK THEM SO MUCH.

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YEAH.

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YOU KNOW?

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OH YEAH.

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KNOCKING'EM IN THE DIRT.

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YEP.

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YEAH.

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THAT'S ME.

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GETTING THAT DIRTY DICK...

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KNOCKING BOOTS, ISN'T THAT A...

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YEAH, BUMP AND GRIND.

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YEAH.

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YEAH. ANYTIME THEY DO ANY OF THESE INFRACTIONS TWICE THEY GET

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FINED DOUBLE. SO $20 DOLLARS FOR THE 2ND TIME YOU BRING

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DIRTY BOOTS TO THE REHEARSAL.

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SOUNDS STUPID.

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BECAUSE IT IS STUPID.

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NO, IT SOUNDS STUPID, BECAUSE IT IS STUPID.

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SO THEY ONLY PAY ON GAME DAYS AND NOT PAID FOR ANY REHEARSALS,

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NO SPECIAL REHEARSALS. ANY OF THE EXTRA SPECIAL STUFF THAT

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THEY'RE ASKED TO DO.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRATED...

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YES...

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THEY HAD THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT HOW DO YOU GET INTO BEING A

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PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADER. THIS WAS LIKE ONE OF THEIR PRO THINGS.

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DANCERS CAN MAKE MORE MONEY IN APPEARANCE FEES, AT PARTIES,

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PR EVENTS, THINGS LIKE THAT. FOR EXAMPLE, AND HERE'S THEIR EXAMPLE.

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PHILADELPHIA'S 76ERS DANCE TEAM...THEY ARE NOT THE 76ER-ETTES.

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OH, OKAY.

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THEY'RE JUST THE DANCE TEAM.

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THOSE MEMBERS CAN EARN $65 DOLLARS A GAME.

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- JUST MAD MONEY. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
- YEAH. OH YEAH.

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BUT CHARGE AS MUCH AS $150 AN HOUR IN APPEARANCE FEES.

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SO JUST THINK OF IT THIS WAY.

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IN A 3 HOUR APPEARANCE, ONE OF THESE DANCERS CAN MAKE $450 DOLLARS.

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AND ON TOP OF THAT, SHE CAN MAKE $60 DOLLARS A GAME.

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THAT'S ALMOST $600 A WEEK.

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THAT'S LITERALLY $25000 DOLLARS A YEAR.

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YEAH, WHEN THEY DO AWAY GAMES, AND THEY WANT TO HAVE THEIR CHEERLEADERS

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WITH THEM THEY GET PAID. THEY PAY FOR THEIR TRAVEL.

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OH, WELL THAT'S NICE.

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YEAH, THAT'S FUN, THAT'S COOL.

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SO WHAT WOULD...JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME THAT PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING.

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JUST LIKE A LOT OF THINGS. ONE CALIFORNIA TV STATION INTERVIEWED A

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FORMER RAIDERETTE, WHO COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS LACY WOMAN WAS SUING

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THE TEAM, SUGGESTING THAT QUOTE, "BEING A CHEERLEADER, AND BENEFITING

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FROM THE CONNECTIONS THAT COME WITH IT SHOULD BE REWARD ENOUGH."

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NOW IF YOU GO TO THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUES' WIKIPEDIA ENTRY THEY

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HAVE A LIST OF THE ALL THE NOTABLE PAST CHEERLEADERS.

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MAY I JUST READ SOME OF THEM TO YOU, AND THE THINGS THAT THEY HAVE

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ACCOMPLISHED?

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CARL ROSENTHAL CONTESTED FOR THE AMAZING RACE 2009.

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LINDA SOBEK, MODEL, VICTIM OF MURDER BY PHOTOGRAPHER.

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OH, GOD.

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MAUREEN GARDNER, WIFE OF 71ST GOVERNOR OF VIRGINIA BOB MCDONALD, WHO

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IS PRO-LIFE AND AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE.

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JENNY CROFT CONTESTED BACHELOR SEASON 11.

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AND REALLY THIS IS THE HIGHEST OF THE HIGH.

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JEANETTE DOUSDEBES, WIFE OF US SENATOR MARCO RUBIO.

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SO IF YOU WANT TO DO ANYTHING BESIDES MARRYING A REPUBLICAN, OR

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BEING ON A REALITY SHOWS, OR BEING MURDERED BY A PHOTOGRAPHER, REALLY

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THIS IS NOT THE LINE OF WORK FOR YOU.

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LACY T. SAID, "I LOVE THE RAIDERS, AND I LOVE BEING A RAIDERETTE, BUT

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SOMEONE HAS TO STAND UP FOR ALL THE WOMAN OF THE NFL WHO WORK SO

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HARD FOR THE FANS, AND THE TEAM.

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I LOVE THAT SHE'S DOING THIS.

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ME TOO...

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AND I GUARANTEE YOU, SHE'S GOING TO BE OSTRACIZED FOR THIS.

304

THERE'S GOING TO BE OTHER LADIES WHO ARE GOING TO BE LIKE, "DON'T

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CAUSE A SCENE. YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN OUR JOBS." BUT SHE'S GOING

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TO MAKE IT BETTER FOR EVERYBODY, AND I HOPE THAT SHE BECOMES

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A LAWYER.

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I THINK IT WOULD BE INSTEAD OF OSTRACIZED, I THINK IT'S FUNNY

309

TO OSTRACIZED PEOPLE, BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER

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OSTRICH-CIZE PEOPLE, AND MAYBE THEY WOULD HAVE TO DRESS IN AN

311

OSTRICH COSTUME.

312

FOR WHAT?

313

SAY LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU'RE LIKE, YOU'RE COMING INTO MY HOME.

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YES. EXPLAIN YOUR LUNICY.

315

YOU BREAK INTO MY HOME.

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NO, NOBODIES BREAKING INTO YOUR HOUSE.

317

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO JAIL. YOU'RE PUTTING ON AN OSTRICH COSTUME

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AND YOU'RE GOING OUTSIDE AND YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR HEAD IN

319

THE SAND FOR APPROXIMATELY 9230 DAYS.

320

SURE, SO YOU'RE JUST BASICALLY CAPITAL PUNISHMENT AS FAR AS YOUR

321

CONCERNED.

322

YEAH.

323

YEAH, OKAY, YOU'VE GOT ALL THE ANSWERS.

324

PLEASE SEE THE CAPITAL STEPS.

325

326

WELL ERIN, BEING CONTINENTAL, EUROPEAN, YOU KNOW I'M VERY

327

CULTURED. IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE EVERY TIME I WALK DOWN THE STREET

328

EVERYONE SAYS, LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS, YOU'RE THE POP OF CULTURE.

329

OH YEAH.

330

YOU KNOW, OR KING OF CULTURE.

331

YEAH.

332

THEY SAY SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. THE POINT IS LIKE, CULTURE, ARTS,

333

BOOKS, WELL READ, WELL LISTENED. SO THE LAST TERRITORY IN EUROPE

334

TO DECRIMINALIZE SEXUAL RELATIONS BETWEEN MEN...

335

AND WOMAN?

336

THEY DIDN'T MENTION WOMAN, AND I'M NOT SURE WHY.

337

I COULD BE WRONG, I ASSUME IT HAS NEVER BEEN CRIMINALIZED.

338

BUT IT WAS THE TURKISH CYPRIOT CONTROL NORTHERN CYPRESS. WHO ON

339

MONDAY DECRIMINALIZED SEX RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MEN WHICH MEANS

340

THAT ALL OF EUROPE HAS DECRIMINALIZED...THEY WERE THE LAST...

341

EVERYONE IN THE EU?

342

YES.

343

EVEN GREECE?

344

DONE. YES.

345

REALLY? DONE AND DONE.

346

DECRIMINALIZED.

347

GREAT.

348

UNFORTUNATELY, LETS GO TO SOCHI WHERE THE OLYMPICS ARE APPARENTLY

349

HAPPENING.

350

(SINGING) LETS GO TO SOCHI.

351

YEAH.

352

THAT WAS HER 60S CAMPAIGN.

353

THE MAYOR OF SOCHI IS NOW CLAIMING THAT THERE ARE NO GAY PEOPLE IN HIS CITY.

354

THEY DON'T EXIST IN SOCHI. EVEN THOUGH SOCHI HAS TWO GAY BARS THAT HE DIDN'T

355

KNOW EXISTED.

356

HE DIDN'T KNOW BECAUSE HE'S SCARED.

357

AND SO HE SAID THAT GAY PEOPLE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO HIDE THEIR SEXUALITY

358

THERE.

359

BECAUSE IT'S NONE.

360

THERE AREN'T ANY. WHAT'S TO HIDE?

361

SO HE JUST SAYS, "IT'S NOT EXCEPTED, HERE WHERE WE LIVE, BUT WE DO NOT

362

HAVE THEM IN OUR CITY, AND THEN HE LATER ADMITTED.

363

THIS IS LITERALLY...OKAY, I HAD A HOUSE WARMING PARTY THIS WEEKEND

365

OH MY GOD, WHO CARES.

366

YOU WERE THERE.

367

I KNOW AND I COULDN'T CARE.

368

BUT THERE WAS A GIRL WAS REALLY DRUNK, AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE,

369

SHE'S SO QUIRKY, SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS, AND I WAS LIKE YOUR

370

FRIENDS AN ALCOHOLIC. HER FRIENDS ARE LIKE THE MAYOR OF SOCHI.

371

THEY ARE LIKE, WHATEVER, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

372

YEAH.

373

WE DON'T HAVE IT.

374

ALSO THERE'S THIS NEW THING AT THE OLYMPICS WHERE, THEY'RE SAYING

375

AS LONG AS GAY PEOPLE DON'T TALK TO CHILDREN, THEY'LL BE OKAY.

376

YEAH. LEAVE OUR CHILDREN ALONE.

377

EXACTLY.

378

YEAH.

379

SO, YOU'RE HEADING THAT UP RIGHT?

380

OH YEAH, LEAVE OUR KIDS ALONE?

381

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

382

IT'S ALL ABOUT TIFFANY, I THINK I'M ALONE NOW.

383

- OH.
- YEAH.

384

AND IT'S ALL ABOUT TEACHING KIDS ABOUT TIFFANY, AND HER RELEVANCE.

385

OH.

386

AND WHAT SHE REALLY BROUGHT TO THE 80S.

387

OH. THAT'S GREAT.

388

AND HOW SHE COVERED THE BEETLES, AND DID MALL TOURS.

389

I THINK EVERY CHILD IN RUSSIA SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MALL TOURS.

390

THAT'S REALLY THE BASIS OF WHAT I'M DOING.

391

GOTCHA. ANOTHER CONTROVERSY HAPPENING AT THIS WINTER'S OLYMPICS...

392

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH.

393

THERE REALLY ISN'T.

394

FROM COCA-COLA. COCA-COLA IS ONE OF THE BIG SPONSORS OF THE 2014 OLYMPICS...

395

THEY SPONSOR EVERYTHING, BEYONCE, NO PEPSI'S BEYONCE.

396

THAT'S BEYONCE.

397

YEAH.

398

ANYWAY, SO THEY HAVE THIS NEW VIRAL MARKETING CAMPAIGN THAT'S

399

ACTUALLY WORKING REALLY WELL...

400

CAN I CATCH IT?

401

YEAH. (LAUGHS) THAT'S SO FUNNY. AND IT'S CALLED SHARE A COKE.

402

AND IT LETS YOU PERSONALIZE A VIRTUAL CAN OF COKE.

403

WHAT DO THEY PUT ON THE COKE CAN?

404

LIKE, MAUREEN, OR YOU KNOW...

405

IT'S LIKE A PERSONALIZED LICENSE PLATE FOR YOUR BEDROOM?

406

YES, IT'S LIKE A VANITY PLATE, BUT GUESS WHAT HAPPENS

407

IF YOU TYPE IN THE WORD GAY?

408

BRYAN: AN ERROR MESSAGE COMES UP AND IT SAYS, OOPS, LET'S

409

PRETEND YOU DIDN'T JUST TRY THAT.

410

IS IT THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU PUT IN LIKE FUCK HOLE, OR...

411

I THINK SO, BUT THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH...

412

CUNT JUICE. ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

413

414

SO, UH, ANYWAY, SO PEOPLE HAVE STARTED HIJACKING THE SHARE A COKE

415

GIMMICK, AND THEY'VE STARTED USING MESSAGES KIND OF SLAMMING COKE, LIKE,

416

THEY'VE WRITTEN HOMOPHOBIC ON IT, AND OLYMPIC SHAME, THEY'VE BEEN

417

WRITING.

418

OLYMPIC SHAME?

419

- YEAH.
- THAT'S GOOD.

420

I FEEL LIKE THERE COULD BE BETTER ONES. HONESTLY I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED

421

WITH THE WHOLE FUCKING MOVEMENT.

422

DON'T BE MAD. BUT YOU SAID THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE THAT SOMEONE

423

PUT ON THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE...

424

HOMOSENSUAL. SOMEONE WROTE HOMOSENSUAL ON OUR PAGE.

425

AND FEMINASTY.

426

I WOULD USE THIS OPPORTUNITY OF HIJACKING THE COCA-COLA CAMPAIGN

427

TO PROMOTE THROWING SHADE. SO I WOULD WRITE, THROWING SHADE #TSPOD.

428

YEAH.

429

REALLY THROWING SHADE WOULD BE A GOOD ONE TO WRITE ON THERE JUST FOR

430

COCA-COLA.

431

COCA-COLA RELEASED A STATEMENT EARLIER ONCE ALL OF THE SOCHI

432

ANTI GAY STUFF STARTED, AND SAID LIKE, WE ARE ALL INCLUSIVE.

433

WE ARE AN ALL INCLUSIVE COMPANY. SO LIKE...

434

WELL YOU KNOW THAT COCA-COLA IS RUNNING CRAZY COMMERCIALS IN

435

RUSSIA, AND NOT HERE.

436

BECAUSE THEY ARE EMBARRASSED.

437

YEAH.

438

WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE, JULIA ROBERTS?

439

I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR THE RUSSIANS, OKAY. (ACCENT) PLEASE

440

DO ME FAVOR, OKAY, JUST BE NICE TO THE GAY PEOPLE. BECAUSE

441

MECCA MOORE, RYAN LOUIS, MADONNA, QUEEN LATIFAH.

442

OKAY.

443

YOU KNOW, INTERRACIAL COUPLE.

444

YOU KNOW WHAT'S SO FASCINATING ABOUT RUSSIANS? EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T

445

SPEAK ENGLISH, THEY UNDERSTAND ENGLISH IF IT'S IN A RUSSIAN ACCENT.

446

YEAH, WE HAVE...IT'S THE DEEP, DEEP OCTAVE.

447

YEAH.

448

YOU HAVE TO HIT THIS PART OF THE THROAT.

449

YEAH.

450

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

451

BECAUSE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU JUST SPEAK VERY LOW REGISTER, AND THEN THEY

452

FEEL THE TABLE VIBRATIONS, AND THEY CAN UNDERSTAND YOU.

453

OH WOW.

454

YEAH.

455

SO THEY'RE LIKE BATS?

456

THEY ARE BATS. I WOULD GO SO FAR AS TO SAY, THAT RUSSIANS AND BATS ARE

457

BASICALLY INDISTINGUISHABLE.

458

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