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News report from the new Senior Heartland Correspondent
Published July 02, 2010 300 views More Info »
54 Funny Votes
12 Die Votes
302 Views
Published July 02, 2010
“Audition for My Dream Job”: Senior Heartland Correspondent

FADE IN: EXT. LAKESHORE

Evan
Hi John and thanks for bringing me on as the Show’s new Sr. Heartland Correspondent.

I’m here in Minneapolis, which is part of the real America, and it’s just really nice out here today. We’re standing by the Lake of The Isles, here in the Land of 10,000 lakes.

Just look at this … such a nice day. And the people out here are really nice, too ya’know.

(Listens to feed)

Oh, what’s that? Oh right. The news. Well, to be honest there hasn’t been a whole lot interesting going on out here lately. Uh … the new Twins stadium opened a couple of weeks ago. So that was big. People were excited about that. But aside from that, it’s just been really nice.

(listens)

Okay, well ... um … Oh, did you hear about the bridge that collapsed over the Mississippi? The whole road just fell into the river in the middle of rush hour. That was incredible. That was big news.

(listens)

Well, yeah. I guess it was two years ago now. But you know how it is. Times flies when you’re having fun, right?

[Runner comes by and he stops her]

Oh, hey wait. Pardon me, but have you heard about anything important going on here. I’m doing a news segment, and I need some news.

Girl 1
I’m not sure what you mean.

Evan
You know, something that’s newsworthy.

Girl 1
I got a new puppy last week.

Evan
That’s nice.

Girl 1
Yeah, she’s a chocolate lab. She’s such a sweet puppy.

Evan
That’s so nice. Good for you. What’s her name … Oh wait.

(listens)

Evan
I’m being told that’s not really interesting to a national audience. Sorry.

Girl 1
Oh well. I have to finish my run anyway. It’s so nice out.

Evan
Yeah, it’s really nice.

Girl 1
Have a nice day.

(she runs off)

Evan
You too. Gosh she’s nice. Folks are so nice here.

Well John, I guess that’s the news from the heartland. It’s just damn nice out here.

(Girl 2 runs by)
Girl 2
Nice ass.

(beat)
Evan
I gotta run John. You have a nice show. See ‘ya.

(Pan with Evan running)

Hey wait! What’s your name?

FADE OUT
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