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What are you doing this summer? Well, if you're like Bryan, you're totally ignoring... more »
Published July 09, 2014 30k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Special Guest Sharon Van Etten
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Special Guest: Rhett Miller
Producer: Ross Buran
Producer: Ben Sheehan
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

This is, Throwing Shade.

2

[EXPLOSION].
>: Where femninasty Erin Gibson.

3

>: And homosensual Bryan Safi

4

>: Take a look at the headlines in
politics.

5

>: And pop culture.

6

>: And treat them with much less respect
than they deserve.

7

>: Can you handle it?
>: Well it's summer time.

8

It's officially summer time.

9

It's the middle of July.

10

>: It is.

11

It's hot.

12

I'm balmy.

13

I don't have any lip balm on.

14

>: But your balmy cuz you're so moist
anyway?

15

>: Cuz I'm so moist my lips are just like
oozing.

16

>: Then you're gonna love the surprise
that I have for you.

17

>: What is it a dog?

18

>: No, I'm taking you to Six Flags
Hurricane Harbor.

19

>: Well that's a nightmare.

20

>: Yeah, cuz I know you won't go.

21

>: No.
>: So I'm gonna come I don't know

22

what day of the week I'm coming but I'm
come to your house, I'm gonna break in.

23

>: Then I'm moving immediately.

24

>: And then I'm gonna throw you in the
back of my VW Jetta and

25

we're gonna hit the road jack.

26

>: It is all such my nightmare.

27

I, I mean good luck finding swim trucks in
my, actually I do like a summer swim.

28

I'm not gonna lie.

29

Like I do like to do my laps.

30

>: Yup.
>: You know what I mean?

31

I put on my flower shower cap and I do the
buckle.

32

>: You can do all of that at Hurricane
Harbor.

33

>: Do they teach you how to synchronize
swim?

34

>: Yeah.
>: No they don't.

35

>: Huh?
>: No way.

36

>: Let's just say they do.

37

>: Okay.
>: And this is

38

how I'm gonna get you at some of these
rides.

39

>: Okay.
>: Okay.

40

The first ride is called, Black Snake
Summit.

41

>: Absolutely not because,
>: Yeah.

42

Snakes.

43

[HISS].

44

>: Yeah.
>: They're known as the most evil of

45

creatures.

46

>: That's why this is a, one of the
sssscariest rides.

47

>: I don't even like the sound of a snake.

48

I know someone who tripped and fell and a
rattlesnake bit his heart.

49

And I'm not even kidding.

50

[LAUGH] And I know I'm laughing.

51

>: Bit his heart?

52

Yeah, stung him right in the heart.

53

Bit him in the heart.

54

>: Because he fell on him.

55

>: He tripped and fell on the rattlesnake.

56

>: And what happened to this person?

57

>: Dead.
>: Who is it?

58

>: I think his name was Clark.

59

>: Oh, so he's, he means a lot to you.

60

>: He was my best friend.

61

>: Yeah, exactly.

62

So, Black Snake Summit is a gravity
defying nest of some of the fastest,

63

craziest
>: A gravity defying nest?

64

>: Nest of slides.

65

It's a slides nest.

66

>: Okay.
>: It's 75 feet high.

67

It is 500 feet of slides and it is pitch
black.

68

>: The only way I would ever get 75 feet
in the air, not on a plane and

69

not drugged, do you remember Wild Hearts
Can't Be Broken?

70

>: No, but I remember that Richard Dryfus
movie where he flies.

71

>: The woman who.

72

Oh, really?

73

>: Yeah, and-
>: Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken I

74

think was Samantha Mathis, maybe.

75

And she-

76

>: Oh!
>: Takes the horse at the top of

77

a platform, and she dives with the horse!

78

And it was like a sport in the 20s.

79

[MUSIC]

80

[SPLASH]

81

>: That was the first whatyamacallit that
other horse movie.

82

>: I don't remember.

83

>: Braveheart?
>: Yeah.

84

>: No
>: No Braveheart.

85

>: Yeah, well Bryan if you don't like
Black Snake Summit, let me tell you,

86

you might like Bonzai Pipelines.

87

It's six stories high all the way down.

88

>: Please, I've been to buildings taller
than that, no problem.

89

>: Well, have you stood on a trapped door
and

90

you don't know when it's gonna open and
drop you through this fucking tube?

91

[LAUGH].
>: Who's that fun for, maniacs, drug,

92

drug heads?

93

>: [LAUGH] You stand on a platform and

94

you don't know when it's gonna open, in
your bathing suit.

95

>: That is so.

96

>: And you fall down.

97

>: Insane.
>: One half is a slide and

98

the other half is a clear tube that you
just look onto your death.

99

What would be your death if that clear
tube wasn't there.

100

>: You know what I would do?
I would tell old, you know how I do.

101

>: Old ladies?

102

>: I would tell all women doing water
aerobics at the Y, and I would say psst,

103

come here, we're going to do water
aerobics.

104

You just have to stand.

105

[LAUGH]
>: You just have to climb up six stories.

106

Just climb up this six story ladder and
there's this pool on top.

107

>: But each story has a story.

108

>: What story is that?

109

>: Well, the first story is the level one
story, which is like you know,

110

whatever, go to level two.

111

And then so on and so on.

112

>: So the first story refers to
>: Every story refers to the next.

113

>: Every story has a story
>: Yeah.

114

>: Of the next stair story.

115

>: Yeah.
>: So yeah.

116

>: Okay.
>: The story of the stories.

117

[CROSSTALK] The six stories of the six
stories.

118

What would you do with all the women once
they hit the bottom they all

119

died with a heart attack?

120

>: [LAUGH]

121

>: Would you just do like a mass funeral
for them?

122

>: I would say water aerobics are a lie.

123

That's what I would say, because they are.

124

>: Here's the last one, and I think you're
going to like this one the best.

125

Daredevil's Plunge.

126

>: Daredevil plunge.

127

Box office numbers for the movie
Daredevil?

128

What were they?

129

Zero dollars?

130

>: Horrible.
>: Okay, Daredevil's Plunge is

131

a super steep drop slide that will take.

132

>: Like all of em.

133

>: All of them.

134

65 feet in the air.

135

>: Do you want to die in a swimsuit?

136

Come to Hurricane Harbor, whatever.

137

>: This one, this is exactly like Banzai
Pipeline

138

>: Oh good!

139

Well then I, I'll love it.

140

>: Except that, [LAUGH] except that
there's no protection from you and

141

falling out of it.

142

There's like high walls, but that's it.

143

If you hit it too hard or you turn it too
fast you're out, you're out of the slide.

144

You're dead in the water.

145

>: Erin, when was the last time I wanted
to do any activity?

146

When was the last time I was interested?

147

>: You went to, when you were on Xanax you
wanted to do stuff.

148

So, that's really the trick.

149

>: Oh, yeah, you're right.

150

[LAUGH] Okay.

151

You know what the trick, the trick is put
me on Xanax and

152

take me to Hurricane highway to hell, and
I'll be, I'll do it.

153

Well, Erin, thanks for giving me,

154

all the tips to a summer I would never
have, but you know, maybe one day.

155

>: No, you're doing it.

156

You just don't know it.

157

>: I'm moving tonight.

158

I have to move anyway because they told
me.

159

I'm going to be one day late on my rent
this month.

160

I'm not kidding.

161

Usually it gets in on the first.

162

And I think it's getting in the second.

163

>: Are you gonna be okay?

164

>: I don't know.
That's probably them calling to evict me.

165

>: It is really funny that of all the
people on this set,

166

you're the one who didn't turn their phone
off.

167

>: Whatever.

168

Whatever.

169

[MUSIC]

170

>: Bryan, I'm pretty lucky as a woman.

171

I have a lot of guy friends who get it.

172

Who, you know, can see sexism, they have
sexism glasses.

173

>: Oh, cool.

174

The kind that literally say S-E-X-I-S-M,
like the, like the New Year's glasses?

175

>: Exactly.

176

>: Yeah.
>: Yeah.

177

>: Even when the year turns over, you can
still wear those glasses.

178

>: That's my favorite thing about it, is
they can make every year into glasses.

179

>: That's, isn't that fun?

180

>: Yeah.
>: Cuz eyeballs are always gonna be round.

181

Yup.
>: Yeah.

182

There are a couple of dudes lately in the
news who don't get it.

183

>: Oh boy.

184

>: And that's why I'm starting a new
segment called Dude, Come On,

185

You Don't Get It Man, Read a Book.

186

>: Yeah.

187

>: Okay.

188

Now this is really just us,

189

gonna be us talking shit about these dudes
behind their backs.

190

Unless they listen to Throwing Shade.

191

There's a possibility for anything, you
know?

192

>: Yep.
>: So you know,

193

the Pope has been pretty progressive in
his stances about well,

194

as progressive as you could be in the
Catholic Church.

195

>: Yes, the most progressive so far.

196

>: Absolutely.

197

But he took a million steps back when he
was asked by a female journalist,

198

Franca Giansoldati.

199

>: Oh, yeah.

200

>: I'm pretty sure that's.

201

>: I ordered that once.

202

At a corner bistro.

203

>: You did?

204

What was it?

205

salad.

206

>: It's a Italian salad.

207

>: [LAUGH].
>: I'll have the Franca

208

Giansoldati salade.

209

>: Yeah.
>: Yeah.

210

>: It was just the Wendy's salad bar.

211

It's a fancy name for the Wendy's salad
bar.

212

>: She asked the pope about the role of
women in the church.

213

He replied by saying that, this is
translated and,

214

you know, he's like not translating.

215

>: Stupid.
>: You know he's,

216

you know he doesn't know English that
well.

217

>: Right.
>: The issue of

218

women needs to be gone into more in depth.

219

Otherwise, you can't understand the church
itself.

220

Would love an explanation of what that
means.

221

>: Oh no, it means like [CROSSTALK] here's
an answer, think about it.

222

I'm out of here, I'm leaving, I'm backing
out.

223

>: He leaves so fast his pope clothes
stay.

224

>: Exactly.

225

>: And then she asked him,

226

what about appointing a woman to the head
of a Vatican department?

227

And he said, well, Priests often end up
under the sway of their housekeepers,

228

the magical sway of their housekeepers.

229

>: Arnold Schwarzenegger, ended up in the
sway of his housekeeper.

230

>: Yeah, see he's just saying these dudes
are wound fucking tight, right?

231

They've popped off boners, they've done
nothing about it.

232

Right?

233

>: Yeah, but they're old now.

234

>: It doesn't matter, you can still get a
boner when you're old.

235

They're not old in the Vatican, you can
totally rock a boner when you're 50.

236

>: I mean you can when you're 50.

237

>: And that's what I'm saying, they can't
even have.

238

They can't even have homely maids in
there.

239

Dumpy maids?

240

Giving them boners left and right?

241

They've got dumpy maids in there.

242

>: You know, some people prefer to cushion
their

243

head on the goose feathers of a fully
haired vagina.

244

>: Oh, I see what you're saying.

245

That priests like to go down on
housekeepers.

246

Because it's not breaking their vows.

247

>: Yeah, because really, I mean you could,
I mean,

248

if you threw a coin in a housekeepers
>: Vagina.

249

>: It would be you know, you'd have to,
you'd have to come through a lot.

250

>: You're saying all housekeepers have?

251

>: I don't know what I'm saying.

252

>: You know what you're like?

253

When Captain Crunch used to

254

do deciphering things
>: Thank you.

255

>: And you've have to get like a red, a
little red circle and like.

256

>: Yep.
>: It would reveal a code.

257

>: Yeah.
>: That's what we,

258

that' what we gotta do for you.

259

>: Yeah.
>: My point is,

260

I don't think you can effectively lead a
bunch of people,

261

half of which happen to be women, if you
don't know anything about women or

262

never met a women
>: Yeah.

263

>: Or you think they're made from a rib.

264

>: Yeah, or to clean.

265

>: So Pope Francis.

266

Dude, you don't get it.

267

Come on man, read a book.

268

I'm just gonna remind all the ladies that
there's one man who's on their side, and

269

his name is Drake.

270

I'd like to read a Drake lyric for you.

271

>: Great.
>: Right now.

272

They want you in their life as a wife.

273

That's why you want to have no sex.

274

That's why you wanna protest.

275

Why you wanna fight for your right?

276

Cuz you don't love them boys.

277

Pussy run everything.

278

>: What?
>: Fuck the noise.

279

I mean, I was gonna say no but now I say
yes.

280

>: Sir Francis
>: That was Sir Francis?

281

>: Oh you thought I was talking about
Drake the rapper?

282

>: Yeah, I'm so wow

283

>: No, sir Francis Drake

284

>: Wow, I was gonna say I like Drake the
rapper, but now I love Sir Francis Drake.

285

I always have.
I always,

286

I've always wanted an Elizabethan collar
and someone to talk about pussy.

287

Bryan.
>: I know.

288

>: Remember, remember how we fell in love
with Sharon van Etten like two years ago?

289

>: Yeah.
We went to

290

the Hollywood Bowl to see the National and
I think, Neko Case.

291

>: Yeah.
>: But

292

we fell in love with Sharon van Etten.

293

>: And she's here today.

294

>: Oh my god.

295

>: Is that weird when people say that they
love you?

296

>: You know, I feel really close to that
person.

297

>: Yeah.
>: That they really know me.

298

>: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

299

We definitely feel like we know you.

300

Just from seeing.

301

I think you closed your set, I think I'm
gonna sound so geeky.

302

I think you closed your set with Love
Moore and I remember, like Erin and

303

I were talking and you started singing and
we were like, [LAUGH].

304

>: We fully shut the fuck up and you had
our full attention and

305

you got done and we looked at each other
and we go.

306

[GASP] We have to.

307

>: We have to.
>: For always and forever.

308

>: We didn't know what that meant, we just
knew we had to.

309

>: So you worked as a publicist for a
little bit in the music industry, right?

310

>: Yes, and I was terrible at it.

311

>: You were?

312

>: I believe you.
>: I was.

313

Thank you.

314

>: Because I can't, I, I just can't even
imagine it.

315

I can't.
>: No, you're too chill.

316

>: Yeah.
>: I could feel like publicists have to

317

be like, a heart attack all the time.

318

>: Oh, yeah, I'm not.

319

I'm kind of shy.

320

But I'm pretty mellow.

321

I like, I like music but I, I wasn't
really aggressive.

322

>: Did you ever see Working Girl?

323

>: I did.

324

>: Did you, have ever done a scenario when
like.

325

If you were trying to book your own show
that like you would pretend to

326

be your publicist and yourself.

327

Like, you'd be like, hi Sharon van Etten's
publicist hold for

328

Sharon, and then you'd like transfer me
and be like, hi Sharon here.

329

>: [LAUGH]
>: That's what she sounds like!

330

>: That was dead on.

331

>: I know.

332

>: That's amazing!

333

>: [LAUGH]
>: The whole time we

334

were talking before this was trying to
>: Hi, Sharon here.

335

>: Hi, Sharon van Etten.

336

>: [LAUGH]
>: Have you ever done that?

337

No, but I think my mistake was that I, I
told people that I was me.

338

And then I didn't get anything done.

339

[LAUGH]
>: They're like,

340

I'm like, no you should really listen to
my record, it's really good.

341

>: Yeah.
>: You know,

342

you should put it on the radio.

343

>: Yeah.
>: You know.

344

>: And they're like, you're calling us
personally?

345

>: Beep.

346

Oh, one of those phones
>: Yeah, one of those things.

347

Yeah, it was a clown phone.

348

That was another one of my problems.

349

>: I love clown phones,

350

oh I wanted to do something that's kind of
embarrassing, but I want to do it.

351

So, you obviously kill it with harmonies,
every time.

352

I mean, that, like, did you learn that
from choir?

353

Or was that just an innate ability?

354

[CROSSTALK] I've never been able to do it.

355

>: Do you hear it?

356

>: Well the weird thing that started was,

357

I grew up listening to the Everly
Brothers, but

358

all the melodies, because it's a guy I
couldn't hit as a girl.

359

And so I gravitated towards the harmonies
cuz it was more in my range.

360

And then when I started going to church,
everyone was just singing the melody, and

361

I, half the time I didn't really wanna go
to church, so my game to myself was being

362

the only one in the room singing the
harmony to, like, all the hymns.

363

>: That's how you got through church!

364

>: That's how I got through it as my own
private joke!

365

>: On God.

366

You pranked God!
>: But that's how-

367

God!

368

[LAUGH].

369

Could we sing like one lyric of like, Row
Row Row Your Boat?

370

>: Yeah.
>: And can I try to harmonize?

371

>: Yeah, totally.
>: Do you want me to be in it?

372

I can only do one verse.

373

>: We'll start with the notes, we'll go

374

[MUSIC]

375

Row
>: Row

376

>: Row

377

[MUSIC]

378

>: There you go, so

379

keep that note.

380

[MUSIC]
Row, row,

381

row your boat gently down the stream

382

[MUSIC]

383

>: Why am I doing this.

384

>: You lost it.

385

>: Why was I the lowest?

386

[LAUGH].
>: That was really good.

387

>: That was all the yoga breath I had.

388

So we're gonna play shade or no shade with
you.

389

It's super easy.

390

If you like something, you say no shade.

391

If you don't like it, you say shade.

392

>: Okay.
>: it's kinda like word association,

393

but you'll get it.

394

>: So if I don't like it, it's shade.

395

>: Exactly.

396

>: You're throwing a shade.

397

>: Gotcha.
>: Exactly.

398

>: Van Halen.

399

>: No shade.

400

>: Van Buren.

401

>: Shade.

402

Van Cleaf and Arples, [LAUGH] it's a
jewelry designer, you've never dripped in

403

diamonds, you've never walked on 5th
Avenue and wished for the Hope diamond.

404

[CROSSTALK].
>: Is this like a QVC thing?

405

>: But higher rent.

406

Like it's, Beyonce wears them.

407

>: It's better than Jarod.

408

But barely.

409

>: So probably shade.

410

>: Van Nuys, which is a
>: The street?

411

>: Yes.
>: Yeah, sure.

412

>: No shade.

413

>: Van Cooper.

414

>: No shade.

415

>: Tableside guacamole.

416

>: No shade.

417

>: Bangs.

418

>: No shade.

419

>: Toddlers.

420

>: Depends on the toddler, but no shade.

421

>: Yeah, okay.

422

>: The toddler from Passion of the Christ.

423

>: [LAUGH] Shade.

424

>: Yeah.
Burt Reynolds.

425

>: No shade.
>: Okay.

426

>: Alkaline Water.

427

>: Shade.

428

>: Yeah, fuck off, I don't really.

429

[LAUGH] Would you ever have a vanity
plate?

430

>: Only if it said you rule.

431

>: Yeah.

432

>: Yeah.

433

>: That would be really coolest way to go.

434

>: Because everybody has it.

435

Like it's a, everybody has a good day
then.

436

>: You don't need a car, you live in New
York, right?

437

>: Right, but I used to have a car, and I
miss it.

438

But in New York it doesn't make sense.

439

>: But now there's smart cars and
everything.

440

I mean, you have those rental cars, right?

441

Where you pick up a car on the street?

442

>: Oh, the Zipcar thing.
Yeah, yeah, it's easy to get one.

443

>: If we ever have questions about a
Zipcar-

444

>: Can we call you?

445

>: We assume that you're the person-

446

>: Call me!
You have my number right?

447

>: Yeah.
>: Of course.

448

>: Call me anytime.

449

>: Great.

450

>: Okay, we will.

451

>: Yeah, 24/7.

452

>: Sharon van Etten,

453

it was a pure pleasure.

454

>: Thank you so much!

455

>: The album is Are We There?,

456

it's, I know you probably have heard it a
million times, but it's brilliant.

457

>: It's so it's so I'm gonna say all the
words that everyone always says.

458

Theory, emotional, beautiful, [LAUGH].

459

>: Thanks Sharon.

460

>: Thank you.

461

[MUSIC]

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