23/6's Blog
Oh, the data, the data! Get ready to spend all afternoon listening to various statistics and polling data that will ultimately prove nobody knows a damn thing about statistics and polling data.
Forget the predictably unpredictable exit polls. We conducted our own survey of voters and collected some real data:
- Left the polling station and had a sudden panic attack that they accidentally voted for the wrong guy: 61%
- Took lewd photos of themselves in the voting booth: 10%
- Were undecided until receiving message from God at second they stepped into booth: 16%
- Percentage of that group who voted for McCain: 100%
- Were named "Mickey Mouse": 23%
- Saw their neighbor, Mr. Jimmy Liberal, vote for McCain: 18%
- Looked at a black voter and tried to say "I"m voting for your guy" with their eyes: 94%
- Lied to a pollster: 99%
Wept openly: 65%
<p class="fRelated"><strong> Previously:</strong> <a href="http://www.236.com/news/2008/11/03/how_to_vote_9989.php">Election Day, when America pretends that every vote counts</a></p>
<p class="fRelated"><strong> From the Room:</strong> <a href="http://www.236.com/blog/w/steve_young/breaking_mccain_concedes_10026.php">Breaking! McCain Concedes</a></p>
When Democrats dream, they dream of blue Florida. Barack Obama might be able to make that dream come true.
Obama has been flooding Florida with advertising, ground game, and personal appearances, and according to the polls, it's working.
After it was stolen from them in 2000, nothing turns Democrats on more than the thought of a Florida win, but that isn't their only fantasy. Herewith are six of the most common wet dreams Democrats will be having in the days leading up to November 4th. Somebody hand them a tissue...
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Taking Florida. There's no denying it. It's the one that got away. The one they should have had but it got ripped out of their hands. Winning Florida would be like finally getting a second chance with that woman you were impotent with, just to prove that it really was a fluke! For eight years Dems have been screaming "this kind of thing never happens to us" but no one's believed them. Not until now?
Having Florida and Ohio both. The twins! Very hot. But Ohio would really just be icing on the cake. If Dems get Florida, they wanna take their time with it. Really savor every minute of the win, give Florida their undivided attention, let it know what it's been missing all these years. But hey, no one's gonna kick Ohio out of bed for eating cookies.
Sneaking Away with Arizona. Winning Arizona is the ultimate "F You" fantasy. It's akin to winning the big game and going home with the other team's head cheerleader while their quarterback just has to stand there and watch.
Scoring big, "Reagan-Mondale" style. Except the Dems are Reagan. It's okay if this makes you feel uncomfortable because it's pretty much a rape fantasy. It's Democrats wanting to hold America down by the arms and just paint the whole thing blue. Some Democrats are creepy like that. Takes all kinds.
Karl Rove in handcuffs. There's an element of bondage to it, but Karl Rove getting arrested is actually one of the more popular elements to all types of Democratic wet dreams. He eventually just pops into the scenario wearing a pair of handcuffs. No matter what they're dreaming about, Karl Rove doing a perp walk usually ends up being the money shot.
Just plain old, missionary style 270. Look, when you've gone without for a long time, you don't need any big fancy scenarios to get off. For many Dems, they just wanna get to 270 electoral votes. Before they break out the leather and the whip cream, they really just wanna end their dry streak.
Read more from 236.com:
<p class="fRelated"><a href="http://www.236.com/news/2008/10/27/eight_ways_to_survive_the_next_9828.php">Eight Ways To Survive The Next Eight Days Without Losing Your Frigging Mind</a></p>
Drudge is linking to a story that will terrify whites everywhere! A McCain supporter claims she was attacked by an Obama supporter. After mugging her, the Obamian noticed the McCain-Palin bumpersticker on her car and carved a "B" on her face.
Who is this savage Obama supporter? From her description:
"Dark-skinned black man, short black hair and brown eyes. The man was wearing dark colored jeans, a black undershirt and black shoes."
Read more from 236.com :
When life serves you terrorists... 12 reasons for the GOP to be happy
Quick Poll: Who the hell is taking Drudge's poll?
The best radio is right-wing radio, at night. These people have an insane hatred of Barack Obama . We were listening to Bob Grant last night, (or Mark Levin the night before- it doesn't matter, they all sound alike). A caller lashed out at Barack Obama:
I don't like him, he's cold and calculating.
The caller was pissed about Obama's associations with Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright. In a way, he was correct. Obama is a politician, and those creatures are, by nature, cold and calculating. John McCain probably took all of five minutes to reflect on his POW years before exploiting them for political gain. In fact, during his very first Congressional campaign, he deflected carpetbagger charges by saying, "The longest place I ever lived was Hanoi ."
Yeah, pal, we get it. You're a hero.
Barack Obama, also rootless, landed in Chicago. He needed a coalition of white liberals and black activists to win a seat in the Illinois Senate. He had a few meals with Bill Ayers and spent Sunday mornings with Rev. Wright. It worked. So what? In America, politicians can admit they tried coke or cheated on their wives and they are forgiven because regrets make a person likable. But pols can't cop to being cold, calculating or ambitious. That would mean they're assholes, we wouldn't want that in a president, now would we?
Right-wing callers can console themselves with the notion that Obama probably didn't care for Ayers or Rev. Wright. Both fringers were a means to end. And the Left shouldn't care because Obama's end is a social, cultural and political agenda that is desirable.
Yes, Obama's end is desirable.
Barack Obama wrote two autobiographies before the age of forty-five. Most people don't think their life is interesting enough for a blog entry. This week, as the Senator from Illinois, Hawaii and Kansas takes a few days off to visit his dying granny, let us reflect on our luck. This guy is an egomaniac and an asshole, but he's our asshole and that's the difference.
Read more from 236.com :
Robert Reich is less than sanguine about the possibility of a speedy
economic recovery. In a recent interview with "Newsweek," the former
Labor Secretary puts the chances of a full-on depression at "20 percent."
What was interesting about the interview (besides the the fact that it
evoked a sense of desperation and cold terror so profound that it took
eight hours of watching Bravo to put a dent in) was Reich's rather
interesting...speech patterns. The man likes to talk about poop. A lot.
We're serious. Take our quiz. These quotes are all real, save one.
23/6 Quiz
Which fecal-themed metaphor has former Labor Secretary
Robert Reich not yet used to describe the current credit crisis and/or
George W. Bush's economic policy?
a) "It's policy doo-doo. Moral: When you try to run everything out of the White House you end up with the runs."
b) "The Fed rate cuts, under normal circumstances, would free up money,
but lenders are afraid of lending because they don't know how much risk
of default they face...It's a little like offering a lobster dinner to
someone who is so constipated that they can't take in another mouthful."
c) "Now we have a mess on our hands. Bernanke has the only pooper-scooper in town, but it is too small for the job."
d) "You can eat all the bananas you want, but sooner or later there's going to be a bowel movement. And it won't be pretty."
e) "At least the Bushies didn't have the votes to privatize Social
Security. Had they got their way -- and were we now completely reliant
on the stock market for our retirements -- we early boomers would be
in, as the President's father used to say, deep doo doo."
Answer is "d."
Read more from 236.com
McCain Has A "Joe the Tax Cheat" Problem
23/6 Proudly Endorses Sarah Palin
Lawrence O'Donnell reports that Colin Powell is about to endorse Barack Obama at the most critical time in this election cycle- when he's 14 points ahead. Thanks in advance, General Powell! Who exactly will be impressed by this news? Obama's already got the black vote, the military vote, the independent vote and the Republican but-not-really vote.
Well, it turns out there's a few holdouts who might come to the party if Powell's bringing the beer:
Jan. Oh, you know Jan. Normally, she doesn't care for the dark ones, but she sure took a shine to Colin. Must've been the time she heard his first name pronounced like the kind of cancer her husband Jim died of ten years ago. Godresthissoul.
Vietnam Vet Joe. If Colin Powell trusts that squirrelly snake Obama, why then V.V. Joe would certainly take another look at him. General Powell fought Muslims in the Gulf War, so for him to endorse one is huge .
Condi Rice. This is one about-to-be former Secretary of State who didn't think it was funny when President Bush left a vial of "Saddam Hussein's anthrax" in her locker. Har har. She's been puttin' a smile on her face and cleaning up that mess ever since. Well, guess who's having the last laugh on election day?
John McCain. "Jesus Christ, if I can't get Powell, why the hell am I here?"
Read more from 236.com :
Maverick Gives Us a New Phrase to Loathe
If They IM'd: McCain's Squawk Attack
