we don't want one. the other 3 blog posts on here were not made by us but for some reason fod will not let us delete them from our page. so just ignore them.

this will be short.

i've just realized that FOD has a slightly dark underbelly of sniping and petty retalliation and other such stupidity. yeah, that sounds naive, everything has something evil lurking inside. but, are there really enough people here taking themselves THAT seriously and they must resort to childish behaviors usually reserved for politicians? so if you ever think of vote bombing someone because they said something shitty about your work. remember this. they don't really matter. nope, shut up, they don't matter. i'm probably preaching to the choir here, so instead of that do this. if you see something that makes you feel "wrong" inside it probably is, so figure out why and let your voice be heard. and i don't mean bad parodies or sexist humor, i mean like cesorship and vote bombing and other uneccessary bullshit. we're not stupid people, we jst like to pretend sometimes because it can be really funny. let's not let the joke get out of hand. we're all just clowns anyway.

on a lighter note...

stephen colbert won a peabody and has made downloadable stickers proclaiming this fact that he has decreed shall be placed upon as many bags of doritos (his sponsor) as we (his faithful colbert nation) can get our grubby little hands on. but his guest challenged us to come up with something better. i got nothing so far (not enough booze/weed). anybody else got an idea?

ok, not so short.

MY BALLS ARE HAIRY

anybody know what song the title of my blog is a line from? if i got it wrong i'm sorry, but this is the way it should be. damp is a great word. almost as excellent as moist. moist moist moist. just say it a few times, you'll feel the need to brush your teeth or you'll really want to suck some cock. either way you're gonna feel dirty. i'll be honest, saying moist over and over makes me wanna go down on the big itaian guy at work like a cum-guzzling queen (wow i hope my mom doesn't read that). but on to other things...

my minds a blank all i can think of is "moist" and my mother. great combo.

apparently i had to remind myself that i'm lactose intolerant. yeah, about once a month i'll get high and NEED milk and cookies. so i drink half a gallon of the white stuff and eat a box of chunky chips ahoy and think as digestion begins this isn't so bad, why have i been avoiding milk for the last month, i feel fine.        

so i go to bed feeling all warm and cookie-fied.mmmmm. but in the morning, usually about 10 minutes before my alarm goes off, i wake up with an overwhealming sense of urgency, but i'm not awake enough to know why. then, just before it's too late, i get it...I HAVE TO SHIT NOW! and the agility drill to the bathroom begins. over the sleeping girl (shh! don't wake her) off the bed that's always 6 inches further from the ground than i remember. through the sea of dirty clothes, but not too fast or i might catch my toe on something more solid than stiff, old socks, and that's not how my brain wants to greet the morning. then through the door, over the tripwires of xbox connectors and microphone cables. into the bathroom to the porceline vessle of glorious release. ahhhh. maybe on the way i'll grab and entertainment weekly or something, but usually i'll grab my cigs and my pipe. something about smoking whilst shitting that just feels good and right and true...or maybe that's just me.

one more time just for fun...moist

there are a few reasons why my band wont make it in our current incarnation. one...our drummer got deported. two...bass player is a flake (aren't they all?). three...we don't care what you think about our music. but even with all that, we still fucking rule. anyone reading this should check out a demo video our bass player made on youtube here is the url:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SE_9pZK8kW0

it's awesome and i have euro-fag hair. fucking brilliant. now on to blog entry...

so the last couple days have been a blur of pneumonia and pot that i prefer not to think much about, but since it involves an unwarranted trip to a holding cell in a harlem police precinct i guess i can drudge up the memories. i was coming home from work on a day when i wasn't supposed to be there anyway (hi, my name is dante hicks...i'm a tool) and i see one of the guys that lives in my building getting what looks like mugged, at the end of my block. so i run over shouting his name hoping that they guys messing with him will just leave. instead they turn to confront me. as soon as i make eye contact with the man who looks at me first i realize these guys are cops and my buddy is getting tossed for drugs (this happens a lot to the people who live in my building). well, now i'm getting tossed for drugs as well. they find none on me or my friend, but that's never the end of it. as usual they ask each of us to open the front door with out master keys. neither of us have them as i have given mine to my girl and mi amigo...well, i can't speak for his stupidity, so i won't. so we both end up in cuffs heading to the holding cell in the closest station (thankfully just a couple blocks away). holding isn't so bad in new york. you sometimes meet cool people. this time i met these two awesome she-males. usually, though, i just squat in the corner and pretend to be shitting myself for however long i'm in there...this tactic is only effective, however, if you are willing to take it all the way. the illusion of insanity is totally lost if you suddenly stand up and go use the toilet like a civilized person after hours and hours of squatting in the corner grunting and farting. but anyway, i digress. so i'm in holding and i'm talking to these two cute trannys and suddenly i remember...the police never full on searched me before sending me in to holding. (in fact, the only reason i don't still have my jacket is because both the cops and i knew that someone would kick the shit out of me for it...it's a badass coat). this means that i am about to have one of the best nights in jail i've ever had. i have an ace up my sleeve...or in my pants, rather. i tell the trannys to keep a look out as i reach into my pants. and there tucked between my ballsac and my penis, is a dimebag. and i said, let us be high...and it was good. it was as if, for one tiny moment, my little fist was uncomfortably jammed up the asshole of the law

stay sober...unless you're alive

twon