WEEKENDS NOT GREAT FOR NEWS RATINGS SO AS FAR AS YOU’RE CONCERNED NOTHING HAPPENED!!

FOD Wire- ‘ Due to generally lower ratings for local and network news casts on the weekends nothing happened today or tomorrow. ‘ Officials and experts expect things to resume happening on Monday morning. ‘ “It's weird, all week long there's huge important news stories about celebrities getting DUIs and other stuff like Iraq or American Idol” says David Senbeck, 31, of North Mills, Ohio “But then on the weekend all that seems to happen is golf and reruns of Xena.”
Dr. Shauna Reab of the Northwestern Kansas Institute of Research points to an odd and little observed reason for the general drop in occurrences during the weekend “Most people chill out on the weekends so there aren't as many TV viewers and so the ratings driven news doesn't develop stories. So it's not that nothing happens. Besides, how can a rerun of Xena “happen?” It's a show on tape.” ‘

Dr. Lawrence Deeven of John Mishcone College of the Adirondacks disagrees vehemently “You can blame the media or Tv or the weekends like that bitch Shauna Reab but the bottom line is nothing happens on the weekend. People play golf, ice skate and sometimes rerun Turk 182 or American Ninja. Explain that!”
Most Americans due to the lack of things happening will chose to sleep 16 hours a day or drink themselves into a stupor until Monday returns and events resume.