Apparently you people go to high school. You know that fat kid that listened to Elliott Smith and would give up his lunch money easy despite clearly enjoying pudding treats? That's me. I'm also a very talented writer with one of those highly marketable MFA's and I've been published in magazines too small to get me laid--not even a Pizza Hut parking lot handy. Lord knows if you get published in Granta the trim runs hot and cold, or so Zadie Smith claims.