TPNN (The Public News Network) is the internationally ignored producer and distributor of news, talk, and entertainment programming featuring stories that are often untold and infrequently verified. Like the major media news outlets, PNN’s main purpose is to obfuscate, avoid, and ultimately sell product. Despite PNN’s growing cable television and radio audience of (as of 2003) 88 million Americans each week and 400 million worldwide, PNN has suffered a financial setback due to an unfortunate and very public “breakdown” our former CEO Clint Priderock. Priderock, in a shortsighted yet bold move to raise funds to meet PNN’s goal of having offices on every continent by 2010, liquidated PNN’s assets and followed the financial advice of Jade Dumbrowski, a knockout of a go-go dancer in Las Vegas who urged Clint to “lay it all on black.” Roulette is a cruel game. PNN no longer maintains a TV presence, nor do we have offices all over the world, but like a Phoenix rising from the ashes history will remember this humble radio program as the start of a new ending. As of December 1, 2008, PNN is proud to have Clifford Banes on board as our executive editor. Clifford is in a contract dispute with The Onion that seems destined to drag on forever. Once his face heals from the reconstructive surgery compliments of the FBI Witness protection program (Mr. Banes was working on a “shock-u-mentary” that was “that close” to proving that JFK was assassinated by elite forces who wanted to stop JFK from abolishing the Federal Reserve) Mr. Banes will serve as our front of camera anchor. The name Clifford Banes is obviously a pseudonym, and his new face, when the gauze comes off, the swelling goes down and the pigment returns to any shade that is recognizable as human will be completely untraceable to the face of the fierce investigative shock u dramatists he once was. For now, please spread the word that PNN is back on the map, albeit, for now, with only our humble radio updates.