1. Ron Perlman as Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler": Ron ("Beauty and the
Beast") Perlman underwent hours of makeup daily to accurately play
Mickey Rourke, an actor's whose face has been ravaged by plastic
surgery, but finds redemption in the titular role of Darren
Aronofsky's "The Wrestler." (In an ironic twist, Rourke has been been
receiving awards for Perlman's brilliant, transformative work!)
2. Jeff Bridges' Beard and Bald Head in "Iron Man": Let's face it. What do you remember most about "Iron Man"? Is it the fast-paced action or the cool mechanical suit? No, it's Jeff Bridges sporting the shaved head and bushy gray beard of a community college sociology professor.
3. The cast of "Shine Light" : Though technically not a scripted film, the subjects of Martin Scorsese's "Shine a Light deserve recognition for their roles in this horrifying documentary about the rigors of leather handbag manufacturing.
4. Shia LaBeof in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull": Move over Dr. Jones! There's a new generation of hero in town... and his name is Mutt Williams! If you need proof that Mutt Williams has cemented himself into the popular zeitgeist, you had to look no further than the legions of greasers scampering around suburban neighborhoods this Halloween.
5. Mark Whalberg in "The Happening": There aren't many actors who would agree to say lines like "This can't be happening" and "What is happening?" and "There seems to some kind of happening happening" and "If what I think is happening is actually happening, we're in a lot of trouble." Whalberg totally agreed to say them in exchange for money.
6. George W. Bush in "W.": My friends tell me this part was played by Josh Brolin, but I REFUSE to believe it! It was so clearly George W. Bush, there's no way an actor could have played the role. The only question is how the President found enough time in his schedule to play himself in a movie of his life. I guess if you want something done, ask a busy person!
7. Sean Penn, Diego Luna, James Franco in "Milk": Not only did these actors deliver nuanced portrayals in this sensitive retelling of a politically relevant biopic, they get extra points for agreeing to KISS EACH OTHER! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Ptuuuuu! Grooooos! Gag me with a spoon!!!
8. Kate Winslet in a Movie: I'm not sure what movies Kate Winslet was in this year, but she was probably pretty good in them. Take notice, Academy!
9. Jennifer Love Hewitt in "The Ghost Whisperer": Sure, it's a TV show, but name one other actress who knows how to whisper to GHOSTS! So let's cut her a little slack, people!
10. Wall-E in "Wall-E": Yeah, yeah, I know Wall-E is just a computer animated character. But, man, was there a sexier character in film this year? I wanted to fuck that little robot so hard! Yeah. Yeah! Take it, Wall-E. Take it hard. Take it all. Yeahhhhhh! Ohhhhh. Yeahhhhh! Awwwwwwww! Yeaaahhhhh! That's it. Ugh. Yeah. That's it!!! AWWWWwasdalskjvoivkvnrw984nfaad/.,,c/c.ds/c.s/dc.,c.dsdfkk sdsdsdfsdlfslkvs;ldvc/s., s/dc,s ccsd.....................uhhhhhhh. Yeah, that's the stuff. Wall-E. Fuck yeah.
2. Jeff Bridges' Beard and Bald Head in "Iron Man": Let's face it. What do you remember most about "Iron Man"? Is it the fast-paced action or the cool mechanical suit? No, it's Jeff Bridges sporting the shaved head and bushy gray beard of a community college sociology professor.
3. The cast of "Shine Light" : Though technically not a scripted film, the subjects of Martin Scorsese's "Shine a Light deserve recognition for their roles in this horrifying documentary about the rigors of leather handbag manufacturing.
4. Shia LaBeof in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull": Move over Dr. Jones! There's a new generation of hero in town... and his name is Mutt Williams! If you need proof that Mutt Williams has cemented himself into the popular zeitgeist, you had to look no further than the legions of greasers scampering around suburban neighborhoods this Halloween.
5. Mark Whalberg in "The Happening": There aren't many actors who would agree to say lines like "This can't be happening" and "What is happening?" and "There seems to some kind of happening happening" and "If what I think is happening is actually happening, we're in a lot of trouble." Whalberg totally agreed to say them in exchange for money.
6. George W. Bush in "W.": My friends tell me this part was played by Josh Brolin, but I REFUSE to believe it! It was so clearly George W. Bush, there's no way an actor could have played the role. The only question is how the President found enough time in his schedule to play himself in a movie of his life. I guess if you want something done, ask a busy person!
7. Sean Penn, Diego Luna, James Franco in "Milk": Not only did these actors deliver nuanced portrayals in this sensitive retelling of a politically relevant biopic, they get extra points for agreeing to KISS EACH OTHER! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Ptuuuuu! Grooooos! Gag me with a spoon!!!
8. Kate Winslet in a Movie: I'm not sure what movies Kate Winslet was in this year, but she was probably pretty good in them. Take notice, Academy!
9. Jennifer Love Hewitt in "The Ghost Whisperer": Sure, it's a TV show, but name one other actress who knows how to whisper to GHOSTS! So let's cut her a little slack, people!
10. Wall-E in "Wall-E": Yeah, yeah, I know Wall-E is just a computer animated character. But, man, was there a sexier character in film this year? I wanted to fuck that little robot so hard! Yeah. Yeah! Take it, Wall-E. Take it hard. Take it all. Yeahhhhhh! Ohhhhh. Yeahhhhh! Awwwwwwww! Yeaaahhhhh! That's it. Ugh. Yeah. That's it!!! AWWWWwasdalskjvoivkvnrw984nfaa
Patience is a virtue...
MySpace
2 comments
Christian slater in Vampire Rave Violence= he goes to a rave on christmas in the desert with a thigh pistol to find his missing sister based off a tip he got from a biker with junior seau jersey tattooed on his entire back and chest, only to stumble upon a group of 29 or so gay male vampires that are looking for fresh slater dick. Only to realize that slater... more >
Why do you guys even bother still writing shit like this?